Horrible horrible thoughts please help me to forget them.....*May upset*

[Katiex]

I am always thinking about things that have or may have happened to babies and children. The Baby P and Jamie Bulger details go round in my head almost every second. When I'm not thinking about it the thoughts just pop up and I end up in tears.

I signed out of my hotmail account this morning and on the hotmail page found an article about the titanic so I read it, then my thoughts were about the babies and children that were on it and I had to find out how many died. One in particular was a little boy called Sidney who was only 19 months old. I know I should stop reading things like this but I just can't stop myself.

I have cried and cried this morning and feel so depressed now.

I also have horrible thoughts about the washing machine, I seem to believe that there is a baby in it after I've switched it on and end up stopping the cycle to keep checking through the clothes. Its beginning to take over my life. My sons were at my mums for a few hours the other day so I thought I'd get some washing done but I couldn't because I kept thinking my youngest might have climbed into the washer even though I knew he was safe at my mums.

I can't take antidepressants as they worsen my Fibromyalgia. I have CBT lined up but it could be next year now because I'm on a waiting list.

My brain is constantly fogged up with thoughts I can barely function.

[Maj]

Hi Kay24,

Be very reassured that you are not alone in thinking unpleasant thoughts - they are not important and are only fuelled by anxiety and/or depression. They mean nothing other than a tired, anxious mind that is clinging onto every thought and deliberately seeing just how grotesque our thoughts can be!! It always forms a pattern, but is absolutely so far from how you really think, so please don't despair. I know it is difficult, but try not to be afraid of your thoughts, because it is fear and dislike of them that keep them coming. Always remember that they are only thoughts and that they can't really hurt you or anyone else. It's a pity you can't take an antidepressant because there are certain ones which really help with repeated thoughts. At the same time, if you accept that these are happening because of how you are feeling at the moment, then you will gradually relax and see them for what they are. I suffered from this a few years ago and know how frightening it can be. With the help of acceptance and short term antidepressants I came through the other end and now see if for what it was. It doesn't change the person you are. I hope the CBT helps you and also you'll find that many members of this site have suffered the same anxiety symptoms as you and this in itself will reassure you. This will go in time, so please don't despair.

[unspoken]

Hi. I'm sorry you have to deal with all these thoughts all the time

The NHS waiting lists for CBT are ridiculous. I had to wait 6 months for it. It would be a lot more helpful to have it sooner. I don't have children myself so I don't know how that specifically affects anxiety. I have had nightmares though about looking after children and worrying about bad things happening and that is upsetting enough just in my nightmares.

It sounds like you have OCD. The obsessive thoughts and the compulsion to check the washing machine, for example. It is very powerful and although you know it's irrational, that isn't enough in itself to stop it.

The thing that helped me before I got CBT was a self-help CBT book my GP 'prescribed' me (basically it's in the local library). Check your local library for books on OCD. I don't personally know what books are good for CBT but this book http://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-O...d_bxgy_b_img_b is in the same series 'Overcoming' as the book about low self-esteem that my GP prescribed me. I was skeptical but the book actually helped me to understand and I tried out some of the CBT techniques. When I came to do CBT on the NHS, the techniques were basically the same as in the book. It wasn't too hard to read either, because it can be difficult to concentrate with all these other things going on in our heads.

I hope you do manage to find some peace from your obsessive thoughts.