I went to my urologist this morning after having testicle pain for about two weeks. He felt around and said he didnt' feel anything but wanted to get an ultrasound to look for a tumor. I heard tumor and nearly fainted. I told him that I have HA and he tried to make me feel better. He said that he was 99% sure it wasn't cancer but I couldn't tell if he was just saying that to make me feel better as I am sure I was visibly shaken. I have to wait until Tuesday afternoon for the test. I was on here earlier and had several wonderful people try to talk some sense into me but I feel like my ability to rationalize is gone and I feel like I am totally fixated on dying soon. For what it is worth, i am 39 and had a vasectomy about 1.5 years ago. I am sure that most of people are sleeping now but I can't. I lay there thinking horrible thoughts and waiting to die. Sorry for rambling but this is more than I can handle alone......
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