Intrusive Thoughts

[lajjj]

i have similar thoughts and confided to my boyfriend who was horrified! he actually thought i wanted to die! so at my last psychiatrist appointment i got him to come along and my psychiatrist explained it to him.. she said its a bit like being drawn towards danger like say your beside a cliff some ppl will want to go and look over the edge... tho they have no intention what so ever of jumping they are still drawn towards lookin....it made sense to me because i know the thoughts are scary but i still look at them? its a very natural thing to do xx

[Smile :)]

Hi all, sorry not wrote back for a while. My thoughts are definately not as bas as they were before but are still present. Sometimes now I get thoughts like "what are we all doing on the earth" and "why are we all here". I know everyone gets these thoughts about life but my anxiety makes them worse. I can feel myself start to feel like ME again then the dread and thoughts return. I also get thoughts lie "maybe I don't want to be here" but I know they are just thoughts because they scare the cr*p out of me! Its so hard not to believe them and to know what is true and what isn't but I'm trying and I guess that's all we can really do. I've had these thoughts for about a month now so will probably be going back to the doctors again soon. I don't want medication but would like to know what is wrong with me. Waiting lists for CBT are shocking but might aswell stick my name down. I'm really glad my post could help some people in some way as to knowing they are not alone. Keep me posted everyone xxx

[SharonDerby]

Sad to say but count me in on this too :(

I have had anxiety for years and it's true one anxiety is replaced by another, i used to be terrified i was going mad, then it was i was going to harm others, now it's i'm going to hang myself :( it's an endless battle at the mo i feel for you as i feel for myself, i hate being alone cos i see that as maybe i'll act on these thoughts, but the thoughts are there even when i'm at home with family.
They are just thoughts as everyone says..................Bloody awful tho non the less.
PM or mail me if you want to chat
Sharon

[gambo]

hi everyone i to have thoughts of harming loved ones or hitting my head on a wall these thoughts scare the life out me. just bought a book from amazon called overcoming obssessive thoughts just started reading seems really helpful best book on ocd ive seen.hope this help gambo

[Smile :)]

I really dont understand how my anxiety could change so suddenly. After my dizzy episode at work I was so scared by every ache and pain I got that I was constantly scared I would drop dead. I had this for about 2 months before the doctor told me it was anxiety. That was the same day my Mum told me about my Dad trying to comit suicide and now I have obsessive thoughts about it. Just a couple days before this my friend from work's boyfriend hung himself and I remember thinking how could anybody take their own life? My obsessive thoughts have been about me thinking I would perform suicide then about harming other people but have now come back to suicide. They scare me so much as I have a good life and would never hurt myself or family in this way. The more these thoughts are with me the more down I feel. Im also scared they will make me depressed. Does anybody have these thoughts all the time or do they just come to you? I also recently got a second job where I'm completely busy all the time and this gives my brain some relief from these thoughts which helps. I do have moments where I smile and think how great my life is but then the dread of the thoughts kick in and I'm back where I was! I'm going to the docotrs this week just to see if he has any sugestions. Sorry for rambling on guys... xx

[Rennie1989]

Omg I thought I was the only one!

I felt too ashamed and embarrased to say I have intrusive thoughts. It's like my mind wants me to do harm to people around me or myself but really I don't! For example if I'm holding a baby my mind is telling me to drop him or her, if I'm waiting for a car to cross the road my mind is telling me to step out infront of the car. It can be really disturbing sometimes and it can be worse during a period of time (I haven't worked out when yet).

I hope noone thinks I'm a basket case :'(

[Devyn11]

Hi Everyone, I'm new (just signed up now)
Smile...your post made me feel so much better - i'm so sorry you are having a horrible time but i know EXACTLY how you feel
I'm 22 and have been dealing with anxiety for about 6 months, at first it started with a random panic attack, then free floating anxiety, then one last panic attack and every since then it has been anxiety symptoms (heart palpuations, getting nervous in groups, feelings of unreality, waking up with chills etc), things that i have NEVER deal with before.
For the past 2 months my anxiety symptoms have lessened but intrusive thoughts have replaced them, the first real intrusive thought I had was suicide. I have never been suicidal, have never even really thought about it, but it started to creep into my mind...at first it started off with "wouldn't that be awful if this came to that? what would everyone do? how bad would that be?", i told my parents and boyfriend everything because I felt like if i kept it to myself it would seem more real since true suicidal people don't tell loved ones. Their support really helped but then the intrusive thought amped up into killing people...when that shooting happened in Arizona I would worried that something like that could happen to me..."what if i snapped and killed people? what if my mind went insane and i wanted too?", that thought (because it sounded a bit too crazy) didn't stick for too long so my mind went back to the suicide thought except it started to feel worse. I lost the "ifs" and it turned into "maybes"..."maybe i do want to kill myself...i mean i must right? If it's in my mind so much..." "maybe i'm becoming really depressed" "maybe this is how this will all end"...of course all of these thoughts resulted in my crying, getting anxious and telling my mom everything so she would calm me down and reassure me i'm not suicidal. I told my doctor (who put me on medication for the anxiety when it first started), my therapist AND my CBT therapist, all of whom told me that i am 100% NOT suicidal becuase suicidal people a.) don't get anxious about it b.) have a history of flirting with the idea seriously and c.) don't tell anyone

all of this being said, i still find it very hard to deal with. i think a big part of me is worried that if i stop getting anxious about the thoughts/feelings and stop responding to them, they will grow and become more real - i'm worried that if i ignore them or don't react then i'll be more like a true suicidal person.

anyway, it's a struggle but it's comforting to know that i'm not the only one!!!!!

[SharonDerby]

I'm right there with ya Smile, exact same fealings as you, even the word feeling depressed worries me cos i associate that with suicide :( so when i told doc how i was feeling and he prescribed anti depressants (which i won't take), that just convinced me more that i would do something stupid even though i don't want to die :(, it's an awfull feeling.
I hate being alone in the house (used to love it) incase i go upstairs and hang myself :( scared to take pills for extreamly painful rhumatoid arthritis cos i'm scared i'll take too many or become addicted to them, scared to stand on a train platform incase i throw myself off oh the list is endless........ i so understand how you feel, sadly tho i don't have the answers.

[sued]

hi there, haven't been on for a few days. Reading this thread resonates so loudly with me i had to comment. The mind is a powerful thing but we have the power to take charge. I had and still have these thoughts but the good thing is they are getting less and less. I was horrified when they started and told loved ones what i was thinking, and their reactions made things ten times worse! Obviously! Luckily am in counselling and have good support and knew that these thoughts and feelings no matter how strong would eventually go away. It took some convincing mind you but i feel like am winning the battle. The more i read this site the more thankful i am that is exists.

[sued]

Hi there, glad you found something helpful on here. I too have been and still am going through the same thing, brought on by stress. Terrible intrusive thoughts and visions. I started on 20mg of cit 8 weeks ago and finally feel like I have a grip. I did an online CBT course and found it really useful as well as this site. Have read a bit about 5HTP but not tried it. The cit had little side effects for me and I feel almost back to myself but I have coupled this with counselling regualr exercise and have good support. Dont get me wrong, this is hard. Partly because I felt i couldnt tell anyone what my thoughts where and to this day, I haven't revealed some of them to anyone as I have recognized them for what they are. Mine also involved hurting loved ones and popped up anywhere at any time. They thankfully are getting less and less and when they do strike, I don't react to them. Mine too was all stress related and I have been off work since Feb 11 but I can see how far I have come. And this site has really helped tremendously especially the CIT survival guide. I was nervous of taking them and this guide reassured me no end. Have a read and a think. The cit worked for me but i also recognize that it wouldn't make me better, i had to work hard myself and will continue to do so. It does feel like your life has been ripped apart from you but you can get it back. Good luck and keep posting