really struggling with this need help

[napoletanina]

Hey everyone
Really need some help with this matter, feels like I am going crazy.

It all started tuesday the 12th of October, I was watchign Tv & ended up watching some of that new program lip service on bbc 3.
I wake up the next day & start having OCD thoughts, like that I fancy girls & that I am lesbian even though it has always repulsed me & made me feel sick.
I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years, always liked men, never had any doubt about that.
Why is it I am thinking this? Its all I think about since tuesday & its driving me insane, am not eating or sleeping. When I went to see my boyfriend friday I couldnt sit still, I was all emotional & crying (although I didnt tell him whats wrong) it was like I wasnt attracted to him anymore even though before this crazyiness when I am with him I can never keep my hands off him.
Is it the frigthening & discusting thoughts that is making me feel this way?
I feel like there is no way out.
Please help

[Rain]

You say that the thought that you might be a lesbian repulses you and makes you feel sick and that you find the idea disgusting.
I’m just wondering if it has occurred to you at all that some lesbian or gay members of No More Panic might be offended by these words?

[WillyB]

You say that the thought that you might be a lesbian repulses you and makes you feel sick and that you find the idea disgusting.
I’m just wondering if it has occurred to you at all that some lesbian or gay members of No More Panic might be offended by these words?

Hi there, sometimes its easy to forget about whether you are offending someone. Im sure ive done this many times but i absolutely did not mean any harm and hope i didnt cause any.

[ems43]

I'm sorry you are struggling with these doubting thoughts. They are very common in both OCD and GAD. Have a look on the stuck in a doorway website on HOCD and you will find lots of like minded people. These are just worries/ thoughts that pass through everyones mind at times, but in GAD/ OCD these worries/ thoughts get stuck and we begin to put a lot of emphasis on the thought, eg, it means something about me, it must be important. It then keep re-occurig because we think it is important! They are horrible these intrusive thoughts and make you question yourself... but try and see them for what they are and def have a look on that website. PS: I doubt the poster was trying to cause any offence, it is quite common with intrusive thoughts for people to feel repulsed by the content of them and is no reflection on the kind of person they are xx

[ems43]

also have a look at http://www.ocdonline.com/articlephillipson7.php x

[opiateyes]

rain, if she feels disgusted by it then that is how she feels. gay and lesbian people shouldn't be offended as the thought of having sex with the opposite sex probably disgusts them too.

This is OCD she is not being offensive in the slightest...If you had an understanding of OCD you wouldn't be saying that. Really a comment like that is not going to help her.

napoletanina i have been in the same situation (but not about being a lesbian, but another sexual worry)

It is all just OCD. you say you don't like the idea, i'm sure if you were really a lesbian you would enjoy the thoughts and that is the difference.

[moomintroll]

That really is a bit over the top! I'm sure the OP isn't insinuating that she is disgusted BY gay and lesbian people, but just that the thought of having sexual relations with the same sex makes HER feel disgusted. Quite unoffensive if you ask me, it is no slight on gay or lesbian people.

Napoletanina I was stood in my boyfriend's (well, ex boyfriend as of two weeks ago ) kitchen this time last year and all of a sudden as if someone had clicked their finger I felt depressed and anxious. It got worse and worse over the following weeks and ended with me having NO FEELING for my boyfriend whatsoever and being a wreck when I was around him - trying to make myself feel something for him again. I got to the point where I felt almost repulsed by him (but knew that this was not because I actually did, if that makes sense!!), and I started having the same ocd thoughts you are having. Anyway, I eventually went to the docs because it got to the point where I couldn't function and wasn't eating properly, and was terrified I was going to have to finish the relationship. My doc immediately said that it was a CLASSIC symptom of anxiety and depression and it is very common for people to seemingly lose all feeling for partners and doubt their own emotions/feelings/mind and even sexuality. I felt it had almost made me doubt my own thoughts and mind and I didn't feel like I knew myself anymore. It was the most frightening time of my life.

I have been on Citalopram since then and I can assure you once they started working, all of those doubts disappeared and I was myself again. I don't know if you are on meds or whether you have already been diagnosed with any of these things (excuse my ignorance only just came across this thread!!) and I am not suggesting you need meds, but just wanted to assure you that those feelings are NOT you going crazy or your true feelings - they are all part and parcel of anxiety/ocd and you can and will get over it!

[lukec]

Hello all,

The key theme, as with all OCD is certainty. THE FACT THAT NAPOLETANINA CANNOT PROVE TO HERSELF WITHOUT A DOUBT THAT SHE ISN'T A LESBIAN IS WHAT IS NIGGLING AT HER.

Now Napoletanina is spending her time trying to prove to herself that she isn't a lesbian, the fact that she is thinking like this, makes her doubt her love for her boyfriend, which for all we know could be a perfectly happy relationship.

Trying to categorically prove to herself her sexuality is fighting a losing battle, not because she is a lesbian but because as soon as she establishes certainty and convinces herself that she isn't a lesbian, her OCD will soon find another reason for her to doubt her sexuality.

Napoletanina is now on a mental treadmill, searching for certainty, then momentarily getting releif once it is found until the next doubt is presented.

Nepolatanina, while ever you keep looking for certainty, the OCD is at work in your mind. Don't feed it.

Change your relationship to the thoughts, and laugh and say to yourself "Maybe I am a lesbian, but I am the type who likes guys, not girls, so they won't give me full membership! But I can still enjoy being a quasi lesbian" You need to evoke humour. Once you can do this and make fun of the thoughts the OCD will most likely subside.

THE AIM IS NOT TO TRY TO GET RID OF THE THOUGHTS, BUT CHANGE YOUR REACTION TO THEM AND THE AFFECT THEY HAVE ON YOU.

The key force at work with a majority of OCD conditions is that people cannot live with the fact that they cannot absolutely, undoubtetly prove to themselves they are not going to be a homosexual, murderer, pedophile or whatever is the content of their obsessional thoughts, and they keep searching for this certainty, but it doesn't exist. Because the nature of OCD is that sooner or later something will trigger more doubts, or your "spike themes" will change, and if you go looking for certainty for them, you are back on the treadmill.

Seek help and best of luck.