Scared of loosing control

[B123]

Hey guys this is my first post on no more panic. I have been using another forum website but find its
really depression based. Have a problem at the moment that won’t seem to leave my mind I know
its irrational but to hear that someone else has experienced it will help me from feeling so isolated.

I was first diagnosed with GAD way back in 2008 and was put on 10mg of Citlopram it didn’t do much to be honest just gave me a swimming head. I think it was routine more than anything that helped me pull through. Unfortunately the start of September this year has sparked my anxiety again they have put me on 20mg of escitlopram. The only difference I have noticed is my lack of energy and horniness. The anxiety is still there.

I think I have worried myself though because I read on the esclitopram packet that patients under 24 are more likely to have suicidal thoughts. Well because of my low mood due to my anxiety returning I’m worried that imp going to do something stupid. It like plagues my mind every day. I don’t want to do that though I’m so motivated to get better but because one of my symptoms is the feeling of losing control. I get anxious about do something that will hurt myself, but when I do let these feelings come over myself I have a panic attack because I get scared.

Anyone out there that has ever experienced this too? I think I’m going to come of the antidepressants and ride this out through with this amazing book I’ve found.

Thanks for reading!

[Smile :)]

Hi BI23, I have only had anxiety for about 3 months. I was given Citlopram 10mg. That same day my Mum told me that my Dad had tried to comitte suicide a while back. I think this with reading the same side affects as you I started having intrusive thoughts about taking pills and hanging myself. I went back to the docs after only two days on the tabs and he took me off. Bad news is, and I don't want to scare you, but I still have these intrusive thoughts. I've always been the type to obsesse over stuff in the past so it's not unusual for me but I never had thoughts like this. You just need to remember these are just thoughts and can't harm you. Im also scared I will act impulsively but I've had these thoughts for about 5 weeks and havent even come close. At first I didn't like being alone, couldnt eat or sleep cause I was so scared. Now I'm alone at night and in the morning (live with parents) I have pills in my room and have never done anything. I think knowing this in my head helps as if I truely wanted to do it I've had loads of opportunities. I would recomend you go back to your doctors and tell him what you have written here. I do kinda wish I had stuck with the tabs but kinda glad I didnt. I have been taking St John's Wort for a while now and am feeling a bit happier so maybe these would help you? If you want to chat PM me hope you feel better soon xxx

[joannap]

hi b123 - i suffered with intrusive thoughts with anxiety and after reading the leaflet years ago - yes - i too - thought - oh god - what if i start thinking about doing something silly and i am not sure if how i am going to explain this will make sense but i hope it helps.

there is a difference between thinking an anxiety thought - oh my god - what if i do something silly because i am taking pills and having a genuine suicidal urge (and this i think is what the leaflet is referring to). When we read something that scares us - our response is out of proportion because we are anxious in the first place and plus if you are thinking - i hope i don;t have these thoughts - then it is likely you will because of the very nature of our brains!

if you genuinely feel the medication could help you then try to let any scary thoughts be there - that is the only way to take the edge off them and anxiety usually does increase anyway when starting antidepressants until they kick in but if you felt you were seriously at risk of harming yourself then you would need to speak to your gp.

it is very common for anxiety sufferers to have intrusive thoughts xx

[shaggyowen]

i was like that when i got put on meds but personaly i just though i was puting the thoughts into my head myself then got a better after a few days hang in there and they will pass

[Nigel]

Hi B123

to NMP!

The thing to keep in mind is that there’s a big difference in having a thought and in having the intention of carrying it out. I read the other day that on average a person has 70,000 thoughts a day!

How on earth did they count them all

Anyway, it’s a lot, hence they could be about just about anything, and some even are bound to be on the dark side.

Most of those thoughts come and go without really being aware of them; however, the subconscious mind occasionally thinks one might be important and brings it to our attention. The person then evaluates that thought to see whether it is in fact important and needs further action, or whether it too was unimportant – as most of them are – and can be discarded.

It seems like that’s exactly what you’ve done – evaluated the situation and decided it’s something you don’t want to do. The trouble is, an anxious person hates uncertainty and tries to find an explanation for everything – even those things that don’t have an explanation and can simply be forgotten.

“I think I have worried myself though because I read on the esclitopram packet that patients under 24 are more likely to have suicidal thoughts.”

That does make it sound alarming; implying that under 24 year olds are likely to have such thoughts. I think what it really means is that while most people won’t develop such thoughts, of the few that do, the risk is higher in younger people.

So I wouldn’t worry about simply having ‘thoughts’. However, if you should ever find yourself wanting to carry out those thoughts, that’s the time go straight back to your GP. They can then adjust the dosage or try something else altogether.

Take care
Nigel

[B123]

Thank you all so much for replying.

Dear Smile J, I’m sorry to hear that you had to find out about your dad in that way. I have done a lot f
reading on this and believe the more you suppressive or try to avoid a thought the more you obsessive
or it. You will get better I promise I managed to do it 2 years ago and I know that I can do it again. I’m
think st John ’s wort sounds like a good idea! I’m definitely gonna talk to my doctor how I have been
feeling.

Dear Joannap, thank you for sharing your experience with me. I feel like I don’t want to be here when
I’m stressed and my anxiety is at it highest but when I feel calm and relaxed I feel in control again. The
problem being I don’t feel calm or relaxed a lot of the time. My imagination does run away with its self
into the deep dark pit of hell. I want the medication to help but I’m feeling a lot more tiered than usual
this is a major trigger in my anxiety. Thank you again for posting.

Dear Shaggy owen, I have been on these meds in total for about 6 weeks now and yes they have got less
Intsense they are still there. I don’t see the point of being on medication that is meant to be making me
a bit happier when it’s not really doing its job. I’m glad your medication is working for you, I guess I just
haven’t found the right one yet?

Dear Nigel, thank you so much for your advice, I’m trying to tell my myself they are just thoughts but its
getting to the point now where I’m thinking about it so much I’m not sure if I don’t want to do it
anymore, but I do know when I think about it seriously I get scared and don’t want to do think about it
anymore. Thinking back on the past 6 weeks, yes I wasn’t perfect, but I was extremely exhausted after
just starting my 3rd year at uni and my anxiety was pretty high, but these suicidal thoughts were never
there. I did feel like ‘what’s the point’ ‘I’m never gonna get better’ but since taking the meds the doctor
even had to give me diazepam to calm me down. It just seems this ‘give them a chance to work’ thing is
taking forever.

Sorry for the long replies, again though thank you so much for replying to me

[Smile :)]

Well if you have beat it before you are more likely to beat it again. The thing I find hard is knowing if my thoughts are real or not. I'm bad for biting my nails and would love nice long one's but I bite them and think I should stop this then as soon as that has entered my head so does, who cares you might not be here long enough to see them grow or something along those lines. WhenI first had my anxiety I thought what's the point in doing things if we're all going to die one day (this was when I would panic about death) and now I think the same but it's what's the point in doing things if I'm going to kill myself (which I'm not)! I know i could never harm myself but these thoughts have gotten me so down I may now have slight depression. I'm going to make an appointment with the doc this week. Sorry for stealing you post and writing about myself but I find it helpful when people share what they are going through. I really will stop rambling on about myself, how selfish! Anyway, let us all know how you get on if you go back to the docs, good luck xx

[paula lynne]

A belated welcome to you x
good luck at the gps, dont give up, keep us posted x