In a relationship, dealing with depression/anxiety

[Spacey]

Hi there,

It's tough having a girlfriend and dealing with deep depression and anxiety. It has nothing to do with her just a series of events that tumbled me into 18 months of hell.. It's really tough when I describe how depressed and empty I'm feeling inside, it destroys her pretty bad because she feels helpless. I've seen intensive therapy for 3 months, group therapy, meds, etc. Just really difficult for both of us. If I'm not doing well she takes a hit to. It's tough seeing so many happy/functional couples and us dealing with this for over a year. We can't even do normal things without me having a panic attack, or just a feeling of trauma. I told her today I was willing to let her go if she found somebody that could make her happier, I would be happy for her. Yea.. that really affected her. I need some advice please ?

[crisis]

Spacey
I really know. I went through it myself. Let's start acknowledging that it is a difficult situation for both of you.

Carmine

[shaggyowen]

i feel like that but i know i love my girlfriend to bits so id never do anything silly and it scard me so much the though of loosing her so that in itself proves i love her and alot of people feel like that with anxiety i dont treat my gf any different if not better =]

[sammi]

That's how much you love her that you would be willing to let her go if she found someone else that's really sweet but she loves you or she wouldn't be with you. You can both get through this together by the sounds of it she really loves you. X

[Spacey]

Wow ! thanks so much for your input, it gives me hope for us. I love her so much i just hate seeing her in pain because of me. But, I'm just going to be hopeful for us

[ditzygirl]

Please please please stop beating urself up for how you are feeling.
Anxiety and depression are REAL and DEBILATATING. But be reassured that these can effect anyone at anytime. No one is immune from them and people recover!!!!!!

So you could end this relationship, she finds someone else and it could happen again, or you could recover and you will always wonder what if??????

It must be extremely frustrating for our partners putting up with us I am fully aware of that but our lives aren't a bed of roses either.

Does she understand how ur feeling and why ? I have had a nightmare getting my partner to understand but I think I am getting there. By the same token I am really trying to make things better - going to the GP, got meds, councilling and trying to change how i think. Its not easy but I have to try.

Alternatively if she is struggling to help you, how do you feel about here logging onto here, I am more than happy to be her sounding board. She maybe needs some help and support too!!!!

Just an ideax

[Spacey]

Wow.. thanks dit.. I never thought about those questions.. If I was fully recovered and I didn't have her.. well I would probably just beat myself up and relapse ! Thanks for your input !! I'm going to seek therapy ASAP !

I've explained myself to her, she understands pretty well. But, she is really sensitive to things and really puts herself in my place and just absorbs everything. It almost makes her as low as I am. She is the type of person to want to help people and she gets so discouraged how everything she does won't make me any better. Then she tumbles down and feels less attracted to me and shuts herself off and just plays the mother role. Which I hate, because it doesn't make me feel anymore masculine and I can see us just growing distant when the roles are turned. She is also dealing with so much in her own life and I think will seek therapy soon as well. I can't picture her to join this forum, I will ask anyways. But, she's just the more private type.

When I have a lucky average day I really make an effort to take up the boyfriend role. But, by this time she is so drained from the situation and so prepared for my next low that her response seems dulled. I understand, we both do..

But, I know like you said there will be a day of recovery ! and that's what I'm fighting for, that'll be what all of our struggles are meant for.

I'm encouraged by your treatment plan dit !! Your a very powerful person and I know everyone on this forum will believe that one day !

[Anxious_gal]

relationship of any kind can be hard when one person is depressed.
I've been the depressed person, who took every thing too personally, over sensitive, stopped caring about my appearance, felt so low, and then I've be the happy go lucky person who got irritated at my depressed friend because she was always so negative and brought my mood down too much.
I'm not sure what you do, when my friend was depressed she seemed to view me as a therapist, didn't seem to care about what was going on with me, she just seemed to want to tell me all her problems over and over and it started to feel so one sided.
therapy is good because you can unload every thing on to them and it can help.
it's nice to have someone who really listens to you and can help you on your way.

[Vixxy]

I've said the same to my husband. Told him that if all the crap my anxiety puts us through gets too much then I would understand if he wanted to leave me.
His reply was that even though the anxiety does make things hard, I make his life so much better so it's worth it.
I'm sure that your girlfriend feels the same otherwise she wouldn't have stuck with you so long!
All you can do at times like these are little things that you know will make her happy Give her a hug and make sure she knows you love her^^

[ems43]

Hi spacey, I can empathise with you... I too feel like crap for putting my partner through this. I knw it can't be helped, but it seems to be going on so long , its like he has lost the person I was. Sometimes I feel so hopeless I feel like just telling him to leave me, to be with someone who is happy and not always in a state of severe anxiety/ depression. xx