Unusually usual!

[Horse]

I wonder if anyone else who lives alone and by so, suffers extreme loneliness but most of the time preferes not to be with anyone?

There is a saying that if you live alone then 'Saturday night is the loneliness night of the week.' However, I feel that as lonely as I get, any company would be an extra burdon on my already frayed nerves! I think that this is then that we begin to think we are going crazy.

I thought to myself yesterday that I will probably end up being a lonely old man on his own, and then realised that I already am!

[angels22165]

Hi, I can't really comment, I don't live alone but just want to say hello after reading your post, but know about the lonely feeling, but we can also be lonely when in a room full of people. Take care x

[miss_moose]

vhello, i really feel for you and completely understand what your mean, although i dont live alone, i dont have any many friends, i have 2 and months/years go by without me seeing them because although i'm incredibly lonely and i get so upset because i dont have a social life, whenever one of my friends rings me to see if she can come over i get so sik with nerves that i just back out of it, or dont enjoy it if she does come because i'm feeling so sick and shakey.

I really understand what you mean because as much as we would like company, the very thought of having company is enough to bring on a panic attack xx

I hate to think of you alone now i've read your post

[Fem_of_the_species]

I completely understand. I feel like this a lot. My good friends live about 400 miles away (where I come from). I am on my own most of the time because I don't really know anyone as a good 'let's have a coffee and a natter' friend up here (despite living here for over 2 years now!). But then, even if a new friend was to come over, I would be extremely nervous about it beforehand and possibly have a bit of a panic attack - it's even worse if I have to go out to meet them!

[paula lynne]

Youre not alone....were all here.....x

[Horse]

Thank you for your replies.

Sadly, my loneliness is just the tip of an iceberg! Yes I have a couple of friends but they are unaware of my anxiety problem! Anyway, I hardly ever see them. Also, I have no family except for my brother who lives abroad. My wife who I worshipped left me 10 years ago and refused to accept my anxiety as an illness and was really the reason for her departure. I think my biggest problem is that I can't let go and I probably never will! I am constantly thinking of my two dogs who were the only thing I had left in my life, but sadly they both died.

Someone once told me that my life now resembles something out of a farytale story! A man who lived alone in a castle of ice who was betrayed by a beautiful woman whom he loved. Living each day in pain and mental torture, his heart slowly breaking more and more!
What frightened me was that I realised that it was true!

I prefer to shun away from people now if anything and hate crowds or large social gatherings. It is very true, you can be in a room full of people but be very lonely in your heart. This is a crippling illness and moreso when your confidence and self esteem has been shot to bits.

I now find myself scared of the future and living only in the past. There have been many times when I've gone to bed at night not wishing to wake up in the morning as facing another day alone is constant torture.

However, i am luckier than some. I can walk and see and speak and hear.
I feel love for things of beauty and animals and people. Living in constant emotional pain has taught me much wisdom and many things about people.

I am touched that you feel for me.

May God bless you.

Horse.

[paula lynne]

Horse, would you consider getting another dog at some point? x

[Horse]

Sadly not, as I can't stand the pain when they die.

I do walk a dog for someone once a week but I'm not in the best of health thanks to anxiety, so sometimes even that is a struggle!

[paula lynne]

Maybe you could sponser an animal x

[Horse]

I aready do.

Sadly, I have got to the stage of trusting animals more than people!