am spiralling into an all time low and cannot believe anyone has felt this bad. i was coping reasonably well off meds (7 weeks now) but have had a horrendously stressful year. last week alone i had terrible ovulating pain which kept me up for 2 nights plus i had an awful reaction to a drug i was put on for stomach problems that put my anxiety through the roof and i had to take valium to calm down. i have also had 5 months of stomach problems which have been quite nasty. i started to feel better but have had 2 nights of no sleep whatsoever again and in the middle of the night my thoughts get blacker and blacker and include me dying because of the way i am feeling/being driven to kill myself (even thought i am not suicidal and want to get better) to me having to go into hospital, to not ever feeling better.

i am on beta blockers and have taken 2mg valium for the last few days. i know my gp will suggest anti depressants but i am so terrified they will make me feel worse like they have done before - i was literally climbing the walls for 2 wks before they kicked in.

has anyone ever felt this bad and got through?