Finding it Hard

[Distel]

Hi well am really finding it hard i dont seem to able to get over my ex even tho we split a year ago. Everytime i look at my two little ones i see him in them . I just cant seem to do the simple things in life like go to the shop for bread or milk. I seem to cry every night and try my best to hide it for my little ones!! The thing that has got me bad is that he has a new GF there was always hope until then

[paula lynne]

Im sorry about your split. I know what you mean, I adored my little girls dad, and shes the spit of him, we split up 3 monthes before she was born, and he moved back to Wales and left me alone in Coventry. Its hard, but you will get through this. Your kids will help you.

There will be someone special out there for you, even though this probably isnt what you want for ages yet. Concentrate on being the best mum you can be.

You sound very depressed to me (reactive depression), have a chat to your gp, as your quality of life is clearly being affected badly.

You will get through this ok. x

[Distel]

Thanks i have already been to GP at moment am on Happy pills as i call them. I feel everyday is a struggle and am just not myself i think the only thing that is keeping my going is my children seeing there smiling faces everyday. But everytime i see the x i feel like crying with him playing happy families with hes new gf it break my heart. The thing is he met this OW not long after we split did he feel so little for me?

[ladybird64]

Hello

I haven't got personal experience of anything like this but felt compelled to answer, you sound so sad.

Your "happy pills" might help you to function but I think you need to be talking to someone about this and was wondering if getting some counselling would help.

It never ceases to amaze me how some people can just walk out of a relationship and straight into another one with apparent ease..so unfair.

The thing is sweetheart that It sounds like you were hoping for a reconciliation but it sounds like there is no chance of that so somehow, you need to try and move things on a little for yourself, not just for your kids.

The kiddies may not understand but they will know that their mum is unhappy and you don't want that. You need to be able to feel better about yourself, your self-esteem will have taken a hell of a bashing but it's not your fault..he is the baddie here.

Try and get some counselling to start with. Have you got friends that you can share things with, or family you can talk to? You need people around you hun and if you haven't got them there, we can support you here.

Time to move your life in a different direction, one where you can call the shots and don't need to rely on anyone else.

It will be ok

[Distel]

My family do support me from time to time but i always like to go on websites for support and advise because it tends to help me a little. I have been booked in for counselling next years as is my eldest child and He is also finding the situations hard and doesnt understand why daddy doesnt love Mummy no more!

[ladybird64]

I'm really glad to hear that you have got some counselling sorted for you and your lad.

I don't know how old your son is but I would be wary of discussing too much indepth with him hun..if he has picked up on the "daddy doesn't love mummy" thing, it would be awful if he then got into the guilt trip which kids often do..they blame themselves for parents breaking-up.

It would be nice of family were a bit more pro-active with the kids..is there anyone that could spend some time to help take their minds off the situation?

Im sure you will get more advice as I know there are lots of single parents on here.

[Nigel]

Hi Distel,

Belated to NMP!

I’m sorry you’re going through a tough time at the moment. It may have been a year since you split up but you said;

“The thing that has got me bad is that he has a new GF there was always hope until then”

So it's like there was always that ‘hope’ – something to cling onto – until then. But that made the split 'real', and it sounds as if that was far more recent than a year ago. So emotions are bound to still feel very raw. But things will get easier with time.

It’s good that you have some counselling arranged. ‘Happy pills’ might take the edge off the emotions but you need to be able to talk it through with somebody who can help you to see things more objectively, and show you how to move forward and start to leave the past in the past.

Take care
Nigel

[Distel]

Thanks for the lovely advice i think thing will probably get better with time. I always thought they was hope until he got a gf so feels like i have just split up with him again really.