Hello everybody,
I have been lurking on this board for few times. I have panic attacks for a long time. I sometimes get them in the winter, but in the summer, I am usually fine. Recently I got redundant from my job, which I have been doing for 2 years. The panic attacks slowly returned as I was really shocked when my boss told me the news. Now I'm unemployed since last week - yes the same week during Christmas!
Now I had really bad panic attack last night, and I had these really deep thoughts, it was like a hidden thought behind my main thoughts - like I'm not important in this world, and life is not the same etc, the universe is so big and I am really tiny...- I felt like I'm going mad and I feel like I can't control things. I was shaking like hell and can't breathe. I tried to breathe slowly and it was in the middle of the night, I have not been sleeping well lately on/off. I feel sick sometimes and my stomach is wobbly. I am slowly getting OK again but I don't want it to happen again. My head was tightening up and it was hurting. It was like hot burning feelings.
I hate Christmas and I am not very good with eating in front of people. I know this sounds stupid but I am glad to find this forum. My family doesn't really understand how I am feeling and I feel so alone sometimes. I haven't been to the GP as I am scared and I don't like to take medication at all. I know I should but I am too scared to let change take over my life. I had a bad year in 2010 and I want it to be better soon.
Thanks for listening and I know you all will understand me.
StarryBlueGal xx