it all just feels too much

[sarah_85]

this might not make sense but please bear with me. i've never really experienced the loss of a loved one personally, the closest i've come is losing a few beloved pets. however, today a friend has lost her Dad, very suddenly to swine flu. He came down with it at the end of last week, was admitted to ITU at the weekend and died in the early hours of this morning, and obviously I am devastated for my friend who is 22, and her family. have also just found out that another friend from the same group of people's mother has got cancer and is terminal and has just been admitted to hospital on oxygen and with a DNR, they don't think she will live much longer. She hadn't told us this before today and it has come as a big shock. And again, I am so sad for my friend. Have just been sat here sobbing for the past hour. I just don't understand. Why do these things happen? The fact that everyone is going to die is just a fact that I cannot hold in my head without feeling like I'm going to explode. I'm sure before I suffered with anxiety and panic attacks I would have been able to deal with these situations in a much more calm and adult way. I just want to be able to cope with things like this rather than falling to pieces. And I know it's not even directly affecting me, it's not like it's my Mum or Dad and I feel really selfish for being this way. I am having therapy at the moment and will definitely be discussing this in my next session. Just need to know I'm not alone here and if what I'm feeling is normal. Am feeling so so upset and anxious xx

[gaaron]

Hi Sarah85, it is so definitely normal to feel that way and you are not being selfish - you are showing that you are a caring person. It's because we can't have any control over these situations we can react differently to them. I'm an adult (older than I'd like) and a couple of years ago a few of my parents friends got cancer (plus my mum)..I actually kept crying over one person..in shops,everywhere. It's good to cry..it's letting the emotion out. Your friend has a lovely friend - you!

[ladybird64]

Sarah, I'm more than twice your age, quite a rational person yet feel the same way when I see or imagine the hurt that a bereaved person goes through.

It's not childish, it's just that we tend to be more sensitive and empathetic, even if we try and pretend we're not.

You care for others so don't be embarrassed, you definitely aren't alone.

[PoppyC]

Hi Sarah
I am so sorry to hear about your friends family.
Please don't ever feel selfish about how you are feeling. It is only natural to feel as you are doing considering the circumstances.
Being worried about dying seems to affect people who suffer with anxiety and depression more so, I find.
I had a really hard time, with worrying about death, to the point of running around like a manic headless chicken, having panic attacks, just thinking about it all and I am much older than you.
When both my parents died within 6 months of each other, it really triggered my death phobia off, but as time as gone on I am learning to accept that there is no need to fear death so much, and to just relax and go with the flow.
People die and no matter how unfair and how sad it feels, in my opinion it was their time to go, but that isnt to say it is not devastating.
Do you have any faith? any beliefs about life after death? I am not a religious or deeply spiritual person, but I find having some form of belief in a life after death, does help - but that is just me.
My anxiety has lessened at the same time, as my fear of death has, so I am not sure if that is what is helping my fear fade.
When someone dies, it just makes us think about our own life and eventual death. With someone, who has anxiety and the rest, it seems to feel much worse.
You are going through a sad time, and it is bound to make you feel lots of sad emotions, but it will eventually ease and you will start to feel happier again. Talking about how you feel in therapy will definitely help.
Hugs to you

[sarah_85]

thanks for your kind replies. am just feeling wretched at the moment. sort of feel like im in a daze and i am getting chest pain. i know it's anxiety, just having to keep telling myself that. just wish i could feel for my friends without being consumed with anxiety and intrusive thoughts. xx

[gaaron]

It sounds to me as if you are feeling for your friends, but it's showing itself privately in anxiety/thoughts. x ps I stayed in bed and felt guilty...but I learned to not kick myself if I felt down and I felt stronger for it. -Which made me more able to be there for the people needing it.

[sarah_85]

i keep wondering if i should maybe be on medication. I have always resisted it, even when my GP offered and I would rather have therapy and try and deal with my anxiety this way. But it's when life doesn't go so smoothly and stuff like this crops up, i just feel like I can't cope. I wonder if medication would help me to handle situations like this. Seriously just feel like im crumbling, i keep bursting into tears and and feeling sick, headache (probably from crying actually) and just so anxious. sorry this is the sort of thing that is now running through my head. xx

[gaaron]

I don't know what the right thing is to do. All I know is that medication usually needs to be backed up by 'therapy' for it to work correctly. A lot of what you've said sounds like normal life to me - it has its ups and downs and we learn from them. If we didn't have bad times we wouldn't know the good times. I think it also depends (re med) how long you've been feeling this way whether to go on them or not. x