Is trying to make people angry part of therapy?

[harasgenster]

Hi
I have put myself on the waiting list of CBT but there's a while to wait before I get an appointment. I'm a bit anxious about doing it because the last person I saw was a psychotherapist and it didn't suit me.

He did this thing where he'd really obvious yawn and look bored when I was talking, or look away and fiddle with something, then when I didn't react to that he started telling me he was really bored etc. He said something about me "just rambling on" or something to that effect and when I asked him what I should be talking about he just shrugged. He was obviously trying to make me angry for a reason (but I don't understand what it was) but I'm not really the right personality for it. When people deliberately try to get a rise out of me I immediately get competitive and pretend I haven't noticed - something I've learned from school, I suppose, nothing more frustrating to a bully than having someone agree with what they say and remain calm!

I was just wondering if these kinds of techniques get used in CBT? I'm not sure they'll work on me for the above reason, I'm not really keen on playing along like that. He didn't seem to like it that I didn't get emotional etc about things. Will CBT therapists want me to get emotional or talk about my childhood or anything? I felt like we were wasting time talking about mine, nothing he said really rang a bell.

Or is this just part of psychotherapy? Bit worried I won't be suited to any of this!

[Captain Caveman]

Hi. I personally have never heard of a technique where the therapist tries to make the client angry.

[Captain Caveman]

Whilst not wanting to sound like a robot, I should add that the only person that makes a person angry is themselves. But it does take time for people to change their reactions and philosophy, so one can't expect overnight changes. And that is where a therapist can guide us. I hope you find a good one. You can still get better alone though. So either way, there is good news

[gaaron]

hi, I really get where you're coming from. All I can say is if you are not happy with that person, try another. Often it's the person we don't connect with (also the therapist) and someone else will. I'm not sure re the techniques in CBT as things always change..xx try someonelse before u give up on that technique if u want x

[Captain Caveman]

Yes, I think you'll find CBT will not overly focus on your childhood, but rather what you can now do about the situation you find yourself in. A therapist is there to guide you with new techniques etc.

[harasgenster]

I have NEVER had this happen in any form of therapy - and I've had CBT. Perhaps it was a technique to try to challenge your assertiveness or something - but if it was, frankly, he should have told you that was what he had been doing at the end of the session, and then discussed your response and feelings at the time. Otherwise he just comes across as being hugely unprofessional and a bit of a t*at. And how are you meant to trust someone if they do that to you without explaining why and how it could help you??

My last therapist used to spend a lot of time looking out the window, and saying things like 'do you always wear black and grey, wearing colours might help you' (this was the depths of winter). Like 33 years of panic disorder would be wiped away by wearing a bit of pink. In fact he spent so long looking out the window, he saluted single magpies he noticed for good luck!

So, in short, no I haven't experienced this - and would say from past experience that it's really important you connect with your therapist. If you feel uncomfortable with them, then change. I umm'd and ahh'd about not seeing the 'staring out of the window' therapist, thinking it was because he was male and I prefer to see a female, and maybe I needed to get over that. But I'm so glad I did change - it got to the point where whenever I got an email from him I had a panic attack!

CBT is a much more hands-on, solution-focused approach. You don't really go into your past. You work together to identify your patterns of self-defeating behaviour and examine the stumbling blocks and what you could try instead to overcome them. It is very much a 'working together to find solutions' - rather than you sitting and talking and them nodding. Don't be surprised to hear your therapist share their own experiences from time to time, when you raise issues - in order to give some sense of perspective and reassure you that not everything you feel is 'abnormal', for example.

Dahlia

Thanks Dahlia, I do feel better now. I just suddenly remembered that psychotherapist yesterday and the thought just came into my head that "oh no, what if the next guy's like that" then I started worrying.

I'm glad they share their own experiences, actually. I think that would really help. Another thing I didn't like about that guy is that he would occasionally say things like "that was an odd thing to do/say" etc. and then I felt like I had to defend myself! I'm glad it sounds like CBT is more like making you feel normal.

Thanks for all your replies