If I am so lucky, then why do I feel so bad??

[tnt808]

Hello Everyone,

As some of you know my problem is my phobia (flying, severe!!). Which has now turned into general anxiety, which is starting to lead to agoraphobia. It's weird how it just spirals out of control.

Anyways, when I speak to my friends and family they say how lucky I am to have such a wonderful, supportive, husband. I know I am lucky..it's just I can't seem to stop panicking. If any of you have read my posts we are about to be faced with some pretty scary things very soon. Such as, a place to live, a job, food for 2 kids soon to be 3 children, plus the cost of living in Hawaii. I am so grateful for my husband and he tells me everyday "we're going to be just fine, please don't worry". Well, I am sick over the worry!!! I am terrified that he won't be able to find a decent job, and we won't be able to afford living here but yet we won't be able to leave because of my phobia.

I guess what I am trying to say is...How can I learn to trust him more? I feel terrible for not being able to trust my own husband...who has yet to fail us. I know it must make him feel terrible. I feel so bad for it. I just want to be able to have some of this anxiety gone and know that we are going to be okay.

Is not trusting a common part of anxiety or is it just me?

Thank You,

Tina

[trish1955]

hi i to am feeling a little like you we are not moving to far away from were i live in nottingham england yet i am scared as were i am moving to i wont no any one and were i live now evry one knows about my agraphobia and anxiety and if i need any thing from the shops i can shout many people to pick things up for me extra but we have to move to better things for the two children i still have at home i have suffred anxiety and agraphobia since i was 12 i am now 50 but there as been times i have had l time out were it lifts enough for me to do things like flying i went to dubia last year first time i had ever flown si i think with your husband support you will be ok
as for me its fingers crossed that i will be ok to bye for now trish if you need to chat at any time my email addy is nikkbu_1@hotmail.com so is my msn if you have that we could chat there any way good luck in all you do trish

[tnt808]

Nigel,

I did get your other post...I don't even want to say "thank you" anymore because I feel it doesn't do you justice. I just really appreciate the time you take for other people, and the confidence you have in them.

Alright, I have been doing some thinking and here's what I have come up with....
Maybe you're right! Maybe I don't want to leave here because of the beauty, and the people, and the culture, and because it's been my home for almost 8yrs.
Maybe I don't want to leave because I refuse to go through what I went through on the flight to get to this damn Island. It was horrible. 6hrs of torture. I won't do it again!! I flew last May 5hrs to the Marshall Islands had 3 Valium while in flight and didn't even calm me a bit.
Perhaps I am afraid of being afraid. So, I am more than willing to take myself out of the situation.
As far as the failing to get offa here thing is concerned...the one thing that I have come up with is:
My doctor has not lived up to my expectations. I expect a lot from ppl and I know how unfair that is but I do. I also expect more from myself which is why I am so hard on me. My doctor hasn't given me what I expect from him. I'm not sure if it's he hasn't done what I WANT him to do..so much as he hasn't sympathized with me. An understanding ear goes a long way with me.

Does any of this make sense??

Tina

[Southern_Belle]

Tina,

Boy you are up against alot of changes in your life right now. The unkown is always scarier than the known! I would always love to know what the future would hold for me but then again that would make life boring but oh so much more safer! I personally hate change, don't take it very well. I wonder if most anxiety ridden people feel the same way. I moved as a child roughly every 4 years and with my husband about every 6 years so I have had to adapt and it hasn't been easy. I agree with Nigel, although I too hate to fly, not all flights are the same so try not to think this one will be so negative. I would also try to see if I could contribute just one thing in helping with a decision regarding this move as it would make me feel like I was taking some form of control. I find that when I have some control of the situation I don't have as much panic and anxiety. I do think you can totally trust your husband but it does help if you don't think you have to totally depend on someone else even when you do. I say that because I am a stay at home mom who doesn't work either. I feel that the trust issue is not that you don't trust him is just that you feel you don't have any control of the situation in your world right now. I would feel the same way. Hope it works out for you.

Bel

[tnt808]

Thanks Bel,

It's true..change I hate. The unknown is terrible, and this fear has gotten the better of me. I also know that not all flights are the same..I flew last May and it went as far as turbulence and weather just fine. The panic was just the same even though I took lots of meds.
I am just now at a point to accept my fate. I can't beat this (at least not yet). I can't even think about a plane flight without me freaking out. I know I must accept the changes that are coming our way but, I am scared outta my mind.
It was easy for us to have the military. Sure we don't agree with a lot of it..nor any personal beliefs (which I dare not post here) but it was easy. It has changed a lot though..with everyone going to the desert. Not for us...thanks but no thanks. Which is a contributing factor to my husband getting out.
Anyways, change sucks!! I just want everything to be okay. I want me back. I want to smile w/my children and truly feel happy doing it. I miss laughing so bad...blah

Just thanks Bel for your post. I truly appreciate it.

Tina