New here. feeling a bit nervous.

[worried87]

Hello, I'm new here.

I'm female and 18 years old. I suffer from depression and have for 4 years with no treatment what so ever. I was told by my father that my depression was nothing, something made up or even an excuse for my laziness. I believed this myself which caused me to feel guilty. Eventually as time went on I felt worse, my moods were up and down constantly and sometimes I couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't (constant paranoia and feelings of guilt). When college started, I was forced into it by my father. Obviously he never took them there at gun point but the pressure from him for me to go was too much and I caved in. This was when I started experiencing panic attacks, I'd get shaky in social situations, start dodging college, avoiding people, even my own family. I just didn't want the hassle of having to see them but could never understand why (and am still as confused).

When I turned 18 I went to the doctors and explained how i was feeling, he sent me to see someone else, she talked me through everything and gave me another appointment to see her. However I never turned up, that day I was meant to go I was at my worst and locked myself away in the house. I couldn't do anything for over a week and I have no idea what brought it on.

Anyway, recently i've been to the doctor again. He prescribed me Citalopram (20mg). I've been taking them for 2 weeks but I've missed three of them. Right now i'm feeling even more depressed because in my head I had this idea that once i take the medication I'll suddenly feel better and everything will be perfect, ofcourse I know this isn't right and won't happen and that medication takes time but right now it just feels like taking a sweet every day and not feeling any different. I just want to see results, any results, just something. I understand it takes time and I need more patience. I could kick myself for missing the days I did, though.

Anyway, this introduction is longer than I thought it would be. I'm wandered here by chance and I felt it would help to join here. Thanks for reading.

[trac67]

Hi,

Welcome to the forum, you will get a lot of good advice here and make some new friends.

Stick with the citalopram, I have just gone back on them again and they do really help to lift your moods, and get you out of a dark period.

Take care

Trac xx

'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'

[lisarose]

Hi there and welcome to the forum, you have come to the right place as you will get lots of help and support here.
Depression is an awful illness and it is an illness and not something made up or laziness. People who don't know what it is like to suffer often think that you can just snap out of it but if only it was that easy, they do not understand that we do not choose to be like we are. I suffered for 4 years too also with panic attacks but am much better and it does get easier, stick with the medication as it can sometimes take up to 6 weeks. If you don't see a difference after 6 weeks you could always go back to your GP and ask to try something else, I tried 4 different ant-depressants before I found one that helped.
Hope this helps a bit and remember that you are not alone if ever you need to chat just send me a PM or email me.
Take care
Love Lisax

[Alexandra]

Hiya

Welcome to the forum.

You will find lots of help & support on here.

Please do'nt dispair hun i have gone through bad depression too & am on the same tablets as you. You just need time to adjust to the tablet hun & once it settles you will start to feel better.

Your not alone with how you feel at all & we are all here to support you & reassure you whenever you need it.

((((HUGS)))

Take Care

Alex

Many People Will Walk
In & Out Of Your Life
But Only True Friends
Will Leave Footprints
In Your Heart

[vernon]

Hi worried so sorry your father don’t understand what you are going through a lot of people just don’t understand that this is just like any other illness and support from family is so important. Does your Mum understand and do you have brothers and sisters you can talk to? Also good friends can be very helpful and understanding as once you mention this to them you will be surprised how many people do suffer. My 19 year old son is on the same medication as you he is very forgetful but we do try to help him get out of bed in the morning, I know its hard for him but a push in the right direction is needed. the antidepressants you are on do take between 4 to 8 weeks to start taking effect but you must not miss doses, Try buying one of them containers from the chemist with days written on and keep it by your bed so you know what days you have taken them?. Reading books on anxiety at night before you go to sleep do help me, it’s a big help to understand what is happening to your body. It will make you feel better once you do get into collage as meeting different friends and being kept busy is really helpful too. Couldn’t you tell your doctor or the place you missed the appointment that you felt to bad to turn up and ask for another appointment? Hope you start to feel a bit better soon. Vernon

[Karen]

Hi worried87

Welcome to the forum. I am sorry to hear things are so difficult for you at present. I had a similar situation with my parents when I developed depression and anxiety when I was 12. There is no way any of this is your fault or something you made up. In my case my Dad used to to tell everyone I was just doing it for attention and there was nothing wrong with me.

For years I listened to those same messages, felt worse about myself and even told myself it was my fault and I was bad. I am now starting to challenge these thoughts but I know it is not easy.

You might find the following information helpful:

First Steps

Symptoms

Links post: Links to posts about Common Problems

The medication will take several weeks to start producing any benefits so give it some time if you can and try to take it regularly. Could you also ask your doctor about seeing the therapist again or for a referral to see someone else?

You will find a lot of help and support here.


Karen



Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of travelling.

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough ~ Christine Cagney, Cagney & Lacey

[worried87]

Thank you all for the kind welcomes and replies, it's definitely appreciated! The doctor gave me 28 tablets and told me to see him to see how i feel on them, I'm not sure if I'll feel any thing then as it might be too soon to tell but i'll see what he says about it. Hopefully these are what will help me through a few hard times that are coming up now, I have college coming around the corner again and I do want to go, it's just this anxiety and depression that grips me sometimes and makes me feel as if I can't function or do anything at all let alone bring myself to face college.

My parents try to be supportive, my father doesn't understand these things. He thinks depression is just feeling a bit low and something you can snap yourself out of. Obviously i think you all know it's alot harder than that, but he means the best really, perhaps he feels "tough love" will some how get me out of it but to be honest it makes me just want to keep it to myself because I feel ashamed of it. He is completely against me taking medication, apparently i'm just "a bit shy" and don't need medication. I believe I do need something because I can't go on like I have been.

My mother is far more supportive and used to be on anti-depressants years ago in her twenties. She had social anxiety quite badly and at one point was on valium (I can't be sure, this is just from memory of what she told me some time ago so might not be accurate) she's the one who's constantly reminding me to see the doctors, take the tablets and so on. Alot of what I'm doing is hidden from my father and kept between my mother and me, i'd rather be honest with him but it doesn't seem worth the hassle of it right now.

I think it got to a point where I had to force myself to go and tell the doctor about it, talking about depression or anxiety makes me feel awkward or embarrassed infront of people so I was petrified to tell him about it (and still dreading going back after the 28 tablets are done). I know it shouldn't be something to be ashamed of, and i know it's not my fault but I just get this feeling of guilt when I talk about it. I have a hard time understanding it myself.

But again, thank you all for the replies and support means alot to me.

x

[May Day]

Hi Worried

You've come to the right place for support and understanding ... sorry to hear you're father isn't so understanding of your problems ... many people can't or won't understand what it's like to suffer depression or stress because they have never had it themselves ... they can't imagine how much further you can sink, than just feeling low ... you problems seem to be going round in circles and that often happens with depression so i'd suggest to try and concentrate on one part to try and break the cycle

I don't know about medications because i haven't been on any at all but I was recommended a short while ago to read the book called Self help For Your nerves by Claire Weekes and i already feel so much better in myself ... your problems are different from mine but there is a lot of very good information in this book which should help any one

Take care

May

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

[May Day]

Sorry i forgot the link

Reading for sufferers of Panic Attacks, Anxiety, Phobias and OCD.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

[jackie]

glad you found the site. hope it is the start of a new beginning for you. it is so good to feel less alone and that is what you will get here and more

jackie