did I do the right thing?

[rosepetal]

I don't know if it was the right thing to do...But, when I saw my GP yesterday afternoon to check in re my efexor withdrawal progress, I told her that I dissociate...that sometimes I space out and go back to like I was when I was bullied or in the middle of my dysfunctional family...that proximity tolerance is the real major problem for me...always has been and still is...and that no meds have touched on easing it for more than a week.....

This comes as I've just been informed by HR of the decision to put me on 'back room duties' (as opposed to being face to face with public as I have been) for 6 months to be reviewed then...because of my depression/anxiety and how it affects me at work. (its mainly demanding customers and those who enter into my fragile emotional-physical space that trouble me...)This starts from after next weekend....and so I opened the convo with my GP by talking about this.

I told her that I was bullied for 10 years at school, and also suffered from my father's behaviour....his threats to send me away, him strapping me once to my bed....

I also told her that not *all* of me is Depressed...I have parts of me that are well and cope....

I don't know what she thought...but I feel it was important to tell her, as I'm working so deeply with all this in therapy....and I'll try and tell my psychiatrist when I see him...(in a month and a half.... :( NHS)because it only makes sense that those who manage my medication should know what its really like to be in my mind and body and life...

But...was it the right thing to tell my GP? I don't know.....In some part of me it makes sense I told her...but ...others are incredulous for my having been open about what everyone in my childhood swept away.....did she NEED to know?.....?????

by the way, my medical diagnosis is recurrent depression...

[Piglet]

Yes it does help to know - it helps because she can treat you as whole and begin to know what makes you tick and thereby hopefully give you the appropriate treatment and advice.

I wouldn't worry about this any longer mate sounds like you did well to open up like that.

Love Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[andrew]

hi katie,

it does make sense to tell those who 'manage your medication' whats going on and how your feeling. im not sure there is a 'did i do the right thing?' answer to your question.

you wrote 'that you thought it was important to tell her' so well done for doing that.

ive had to go deep a couple of times before, not easy eh. because you are doing alot of therapy, it might help just to be aware that your not in therapy mode with everyone who you talk to. anyway it does sound like you are putting handles on your past and that can only brighten your future.

you take care .. andrew

[rosepetal]

thank you both.

Its hard for me to accept the truth....of how I am...perhaps that's one reason why I doubted myself.

And yes, Andrew, I do have a tendency to look to others for the perfect parental care I never had.....(for me, that's part of the 'therapy mode' thing.....)[Sigh...]:(

Ugggghhh I sometimes hate how anxious I get..but am trying to grow more self acceptance....