Sufferers of
Depersonalisation or
Derealisation feel divorced from both the world and their own body. Often people who experience depersonalisation claim that life "feels like a dream", things seem unreal, or hazy; some say they feel detached from their surroundings. Another symptom of this condition can be the
constant worrying or strange thoughts that people find hard to switch off.
People often say that no matter how hard they try, they don't feel like they can interact with the world around them. They feel a sense of detachment from their surroundings, finding it hard to talk and connect with others. Also they feel no love for the people closest to them and even question if they did a certain task or had a particular conversation. The most upsetting thing is they lose a sense of who they are and can't seem to perceive themselves as being normal.
Depersonalisation is a common and understandable offshoot of the anxiety condition. Before going further into depersonalisation, let me clear up one thing that I get asked often. “No,
you are not going mad.” This feeling comes from being
constantly worried about your own problems, it is not serious or harmful in any way and has a totally logical explanation. It is
temporary and,
with patience and understanding, eventually
passes like any other symptom.
Depersonalisation occurs with anxiety because you are so used to watching yourself, questioning your illness, day in, day out, that you start to feel detached from the outside world. Your mind has become tired and less resilient through watching and worrying about your symptoms. It has been bombarded with worrying thoughts and becomes fatigued. When our limbs tire, they ache. When our mind tires, we feel these strange feelings of detachment from the world around us, experiencing an almost dreamlike state, convincing ourselves that we are going mad or losing it. You are not; your mind is just so very tired and just craves a rest from all this
introspection of oneself.
When people are caught up in the
worry cycle, they begin to think deeply and constantly. They study themselves from deep within, checking in and focusing on their symptoms. They may even wake in the morning only to continue this habit, “How do I feel this morning? “I wonder if I will be able to get through today?”. What’s this new sensation I feel?” This may go on all day, exhausting their already tired mind further. This constant checking in and constant assessing of their symptoms then becomes a habit. The more they worry and obsess about how they are feeling, the more detached they feel, which in turn has them worrying and obsessing even more, the outside world now takes up little of their attention, they are just so concerned about themselves.
All this worry is bound to make your mind feel dull and unresponsive. You are so concerned about how you feel, that you are letting nothing else into your day. Is it any wonder you have come to feel so distanced and detached from your surroundings? Is it any wonder you find it so hard to concentrate? Some people, when studying for exams for hours on end, reach the point where they can no longer take information in, so they take a break and carry on the day after. For you, there are no breaks and no time outs.
What a lot of people don’t know is that depersonalisation can occur in people without anxiety or panic issues. This can occur when someone has lost a loved one, been involved in an accident or maybe a recent shock. It is the body’s way of protecting you from all the worry or hurt you maybe feeling, like a safety valve and it is there to protect you. This is normally temporary and when, say, the person grieving overcomes some of the hurt, the depersonalisation will fade. The trouble with anxiety is that people suffering have a tendency to worry and the depersonalisation comes along to protect you from all this stress and daily worry. People can then feel detached, empty or emotionless. What happens then is that people begin to worry and obsess over this new feeling, thinking it's something serious or they are going mad. They may even forget their anxiety and focus solely on this new feeling which can lead to these feelings increasing. The unreality grows as we enter a cycle of worry and fear and so your body protects you from these feelings of unreality even more, making you feel more distanced and detached than ever. It is the very worry and fear over this feeling that keeps you in the cycle.
The way to move forward out of depersonalisation is not to worry and obsess about it, but to work with it there; to give it as much space as it needs and not be too impressed by it. See it as your body protecting you and not a sign that something terrible is happening or that you are going mad. This symptom is like any other and the more you worry or obsess about it, the bigger the problem can become and the longer you stay in the cycle. Below is one of many emails I receive from people who were convinced they would never find a way out of this condition.
Hi there Paul! I just wanted to thank you for your book. After countless Doctor's visits I still never knew what I suffered from until I found your website!! I have suffered with really bad anxiety for the last year following a panic attack I had back in February. After buying your book for the 1st time back in November and following your advice I am making strides every day to recover. I suffered from depersonalization and bizarre scary thoughts. The depersonalisation was so frightening and no one ever explained to me what it was until your book. When the thoughts would come I would try so hard to fight them and then I would think….Oh My Gosh....why am I thinking this and it would create more anxiety and feelings of detachment. I saw a Social Worker for 6 months and she let me suffer for so long without one explanation of my symptoms, I honestly and truly thought this was me forever. With your book I am getting better everyday.......the depersonalisation is gone and now I am working on these crazy thoughts!! God Bless you and thanks for writing this book.
Kind Regards
Janet
I took some convincing that this was just an off-shoot of anxiety at the time when I was suffering, I thought this must be more serious. I now know that I was just in the habit of watching myself all day and was so concerned about how I felt and how I could get better, I had no interest in the outside world; my condition consumed me. I was living my life while at the same time watching myself and doing neither very well. I felt so detached that I could not read a book or follow a conversation. It was like taking part in some sort of movie, having to act my way through the day. I just could not connect with people or anything outside of my own little world.
This symptom, like many others, relies on your fear of it to keep it alive and this is the symptom I have been asked about more than any other over the years. I do go into far more detail in my
book and explain how I was able to recover from this harmless yet disturbing symptom. This condition can really fool people into thinking it is something far worse than it really is. I myself found this feeling of detachment very hard to accept and understand, but when it was explained to me in full, in time I was able to rid myself of this symptom of anxiety.
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