Help- My story (long post sorry)

[joanne87]

Hi Spice,
Thank you very much, i very sorry to hear that yu have been there and i couldnt imagine how hard that must of been for you. with the holiday we booked it before he started seeing this girl. i know this doesnt matter at all but i wanted to give you more of an insight into this, this girl is 4yrs older than him and engaged, i call it seeing becuase thats the only thing i can relate it to, they have kissed and txt whenever she can, and he did say if she slit up with her fiancee then something mite happen because he does like her, he says he wants to be my friend and that he wont mention her again to me, and he knows im going through a bad time again when i told him i was back on diazepam and he said hes here if i want to chat or go round to chat. ive told him i cant rely on him again and i need to do it on my own and as for being friends, yeah hes the only one that when i spend time with im fine and the thoughts are easier to conrol, but i know that being friends with him wont do me any good because if it doesnt happen with this girl then it might be someone else and i cant keep going through this.

Jo x

[Spice]

Hi Jo

It sounds to me like you have sorted your problem out yourself by thinking it through and knowing that if it's not this girl then it might be someone else but that like me you are now afraid of what might happen if you don't have this guy to rely on.
You are right that this is no good for you and I think it would be best to let your ex know just what this is doing to your emotions and that this is adding to your stress. Let him know thats its great he is supporting you
and being your friend.
You so deserve to be happy and believe me you will. I found love again
and so will you.

Spice
xxx

[inberlin]

hi joanne,

sorry to hear about this difficult dilemma (and don't ever worry about spelling!), i think i can really understand how you feel, my boyfriend and i broke up about a month ago and he is the only other person i know in this foreign country, and it is really really hard for me not to contact him, because he "helps" me so much.

but really, actually, when i see him i get further and further down because i worry about him and another girl, or many other things from our past. i still call him and sometimes he answers his phone and sometimes it helps, sometimes not. but i guess i found out that i have to move on and help myself instead of relying on him to be that for me. i really appreciated him being there for me when i needed him, i just think i am at the point where it hurts me more than helps me to see him.

it was the hardest decision for me not to travel to his house this last weekend, but after i didn't go, i was so proud of myself, and could feel how possible it is for me to make good decisions and take care of myself!

i would urge you to just think about this trip and whether it would be a healthy thing for you, or not. that is something that when you look at yourself and how you feel, not thinking about obligation or money, you will know straightaway...and then follow it! i hope you have some friends you can talk about this with that are there for you, or family...

take care!!!

kelly

[joanne87]

Thank you kelly, what you said has really helped. Im sorry to hear that you are in Germany on your own, and the hard time you are going through with your ex. i dont really have that many friends and my family are there but they dont really understand about the depression and anxiety, dad thinks its hormones and ill snap out of it (which is strange at 18, i thought i was past most of my hormones stage, but you never know) and mum thinks i dont know what its like to depressed as she has been suffering from depression for years and everytime i try to talk to her about whats making me down or whats making me anxious, she tells me she cannot see why. so if you ever need anybody to talk to then please pm me.

Jo x

p.s well done on not going round, i know how hard it is not to call or txt let alone go round

[sillymoo]

hi there hun
sorry to hear your having a rough time of it.i think the advise that id give has already been said so im not going to repeat!!!but one thing for sure u will get through this no matter how hard it gets.u take care of urself hunnie luv mooxXx

[joanne87]

hi all again, sorry something is concerning me, i was just telling my mum about the website and that it will be good for me for when i need someone to chat to and she said i cant rely on this to help me like i cant rely on anybody else, i just told her she doesnt understand. Maybe shes right, but can you fully do this all on your own? say i didnt talk to anybody, not here, not the help lines, no friends i doubt i could do it on my own. I was just wondering whether this is just my mum not understanding or if she is right?
any opinons will be welcome and appreciated

Jo x

[joanne87]

Thank you Nigel,

I had forgotton that this is somthing i have to teach myself, sometimes it seems like to easy option to rely on someone or something else to make it go away.
what you are saying is very right, it just hard to see clearly at the moment, but i hope will all the support i get from here and other areas of my life i will be able to see that (well hopefullyanyway)
Thank you

Take care

Jo

[inberlin]

hi again jo,

i think what nigel said is right (for myself too), the great thing about this site is that it is people who suffer from similar problems who are here to encourage each other, and listen, when people who haven't been through these things can't understand...like nigel said, it is letting this website and different people in your life play different roles for you...

i am sorry that your mom isn't able to hear your own pain right now, but hopefully sometime she will be able to in a way that makes you feel supported..and i would encourage you to spend some time this coming weekend doing something silly, or something you haven't thought of doing in ages, today i was riding my bike through berlin and decided to sing! even though i can't carry a tune, but then i couldn't stop and was even whistling for about a half hour straight...seemed kind of silly but it felt good to do something lighthearted for a change,

take care!

kelly

[joanne87]

Thank you Kelly,

I Joined a gym last night which is meant to be good, my dad paid for a years membership because he thinks it will be a good way to meet people and it will get me out of the house. well last night went well i did plates (i think thats right lol) and meet a lady who was doing the same as me and she showed me around and we had a chat. when i got home i was in great mood, it felt like everything was going ok for a change and i hadnt felt that good in ages and i couldnt stop thinking about going back today. Untill i woke up and the 1st thought that came in to my head was my ex and now i feel as im back at the start again. lol

So back to the point i was making, i cant really think of anything i could do in the weekend thats that "out there" but instead of sitting at home on saturday waiting for the evening to come so i can go out, i might go down to the gym.

Thank you

Jo x

[LouD]

Just read this topic with great interest, i know partly how you are feeling Jo, i had a similar situation. I was with someone for a long time, (hindsight being a wonderful thing i don't understand why i was with him at all!) however he was the centre of my life and he knew it. Unfortunately that gave him all the power and he thought he could take advantage because i would always be there.

I don't want to bore anyone with the details of the relationship but before we split i felt i would not be able to function without him and my life would be over. However, when we did split up (my decision to do so) i realised that it wasn't him that i wanted, i just didn't want to be without someone, anyone. I think when you're in a relationship you worry about being without that person to lean on. My advice to you is that you never know what's around the corner and you will love again.

LouD