why do i do this(form of self harm)smoking,drinking,please read

[bexy1970]

hiya,
after being on citalopram my anx gas got so much better,but after a 3 year smoking quit,ive been smoking again past 6 months!!!(i quit after losing my dad from lung cancer)my worst fear!!!!im also drinking like a fish,i wake up so down and cross with myself,ive also put on a stone due to the cider!!!but come 4 oclock ill be feeling ok and think sod it and go get some cans and 10 fags....then wake up again all anxious and scared wot im doing to my body I HAVE A CANCER PHOBIA 4 GODS SAKE!!!! Like ths morn i thought rte thats it(again)only then to think hang on its sunday..i love my beer and few cigs on a sunday tea time!!! wot can i do??? the beer takes away the worry but its straight back nxt day!!!!im very weak willed,my dad was an alcoholic,and been bought up in a pub!! my sis t total,but smokes 40 a day!!!!i just want to be normal..aaarrrggghh......sorry for long post thankyou for reading and ne advice pleasexxx

[flumpkin]

Hi Bexy I can totally relate to this. I have a huge cancer phobia but am overweight and drink far too much. I know these are risk factors and most days pledge to myself I will get in control and diet and avoid alcohol, but then most evenings I still end up with a glass of wine to relax. Doesn't help oh has glass or two most evenings. Like you the alcohol is relaxing and stops the anxiety but then makes it worse the next day. I have not had any alcohol for 4 days now and I am detemined to do this. I know I am making my HA worse and also damaging my health. If you want to pm me feel free. I am no expert but I found writing in my diary if had a NA day (no alc) helps. Over last 2 months I have just aimed for a balance of 50/50. So maybe start with small targets and work up? I am also trying with diet but think I am better to do one aim at a time, so am concentrating on the alcohol for now. You can do this - small steps! Flumpkin xx

[bexy1970]

thankyou so much flumpkin!!im going to start my new regime today!!!we can hel each otha along the way xx

[bexy1970]

ne one else got ne good tips?? xx

[KayleighJane]

just do one thing at at time really, start by doing one thing you want to do e.g stop smoking and then once you have conquered that start on something else you want to change. I think it would be very hard to quit lots of things at once and i think people are more successful when doing one thing at a time as it just gives you one sole thing to focus on thats the only advice i can give, with regards to the drinking to relax thing I have been through that and its not good, like you said you end up feeling more anxious and then you have a drink again and it just starts a viscious circle. By all means have the odd beer/glass of wine (my dr said this is fine) but every day is not good. I ended up having terrible suicidal thoughts and feeling awful, but ive learnt my lesson now and wont be doing that again.

Hope this helps in some way

Kayleigh x

[flumpkin]

Hi Bexy, I agree with Kayleigh and def think the concentrating on the one thing is the way I am going to tackle it. I figure cutting the alcohol will also help with the diet too (bonus). I didn't have any last night so that is 5 in a row and 7 NA days out of 12 so far in June. Have you had any thoughts on how you are going to tackle it? Drink or cigs? Good luck chick - we can do this xx

[KayleighJane]

good luck

[happycamper]

Hi Bexy,

I would be a little concerned as to how you use alcohol to try and help you feel better (correct me if I'm wrong), which does no more than numb the anxiety at the time but increase it the next day, so back to alcohol to numb that anxiety again. Having alcoholism within my family as you yourself have had, I'm aware there is a fine line between heavy drinking and alcoholism.

If you are still on citalopram maybe it is worth chatting to your GP about your need for alcohol to help your anxiety and maybe the possibility you need a change or restart the anti d's to help you get off the booze and subsequently the cigs - the two go together don't they....

Hope I don't sound preachy, but seeing the damage booze can do to loved ones it's something I feel strongly about.

Good luck x