Quite desperate really

[chrissie1]

I have been in a severe depersonalised state for a year now.It was so bad that I actually could not remember who I was at all-I lost my sense of self and was living my life on autopilot.The worse thing was the feeling of detachment-that part of me was far away. I had the usual stuff going on in my head -all the thoughts about the strangeness of being a person-and looking at other people and wondering how they felt within themselves etc.

I am totally unable to tolerate antidepressants and have to cope with just diazepam. Well lately my depersonalisation has started to leave me but of course now I am getting back in touch with my whole self I am having quite a shock at how far away I have been. My anxiety has increased to the point where every anxious thought I have makes me tremble-I don't seem to have any insulation between my thoughts and my feelings. I feel pretty desperate really because I know this is who I am and I can't see I will ever change. Just the thought of continuing like this turns me to jelly.

I have tried CBT and EFT (which made me worse so I had to stop).
I do have the feeling that my brain chemistry has gone out of whack but I am so sensitive to all meds I don't know how to repair my brain. I took half a drop of SJW at the weekend and it increased my anxiety so much I could barely function.I have tried other herbal things recently but I had an adverse reaction to them and I think this is why I am feeling so bad right now!

I have been like this in the past and it took me four years to overcome it. I was on all kinds of drugs then but I think in retrospect they impeded my recovery so I am not keen on going down that route again. I have read all the Claire Weekes books and I know what to do-but I just don't seem to be able to do it at present. I am functioning in the outside world but inside I am torturted. Not sure what to do next....

Any suggestions please?

[Jonquil]

Hi Chrissie,

Sorry you are feeling so low. I was just wondering if it was worth going to talk to your Doctor. There is a huge range of antidepressants with widely differing side effects. In my own expereince I was prescribed Paroxetine which made made me quite high. This really scared me so for a long time I was very reluctant to take any thing else, particualrly SSRIs. I was then prescribed Trazadone, which made me incredibly dopey and I'm not sure it helped much. More recently I have been prescribed Citalopram. When I first start taking it, it was horrible. I used to look at this tiny tablet and think, how can such a small tablet make me feel so awful- sick, cracking headaches, and really odd dreams which I would suddenly wake up from worrying that I might be going mad. After about 10 days I realised that I was staring to feel better in my self but it wasn't till about 3 weeks after I started that the side effects started to feel manageable, but I am so glad I persevered. I feel quite different in side myself and also I feel that this has given me a bit of space to deal with the issues that were causing me stress and anxiety. So hopefully when I stop the citalopram I will be in a better place to deal with life.

So I really think it would be worth going to the doctor and discussing whether there might be an antidepressant treatment that might work for you-and you might need to be prepared to try more than one.

Hope this might help a little.
Jx

[chrissie1]

Thank you so much for your reply
It seems I was suffering from some kind of withdrawal from the herbal things I have been dabbling with-whilst at the same time trying to reduce my diazepam dose.I have never considered myself to be addicted to anything-but I think I was becoming too dependant on Diazepam and reducing the dose and stopping the herbal treatments all at once sent me into a tailspin. I have never known anxiety like it!
I have been feeling awful for over two weeks but I have woken up this morning feeling much better.
The uncontrollable anxiety has just stopped.......
There is no way in the world I would consider anti-depressants again. Even my own GP would not prescribe them to me because I have an extremely sensitive system and she has seen how badly I get affected. I am totally intolerant to most drugs-especially anti-depressants. Its a genetic thing unfortunately-my father was the same....
I just couldn't understand the type of anxiety I was having but I have been advised by my alternative therapist (acupuncture) I was having withdrawal symptoms. I advise anyone who is dependant on a benzo to be very careful indeed when either mixing it with a herbal remedy or trying to come off it too fast. It was horrible

Thanks again for taking the time to respond

Chrissie

[Jonquil]

Hi Chrissie,

No problem. I'm really glad you are feeling better now - it is so hard sometimes to see what it is that is actually causing a particular blip- but sounds as though you have done that!

Take care and go gently
Jx