Always starving, retching (So upset)

[miss_moose]

I've been having problems with my eating for years, I used to be 6 and a half stone, didn't eat anything but 6 slices of bread a day, i've gradually built up and learnt not to starve myself if I was hungry, 10 years on i'm 14 and a half stone and still putting on loads of weight, I eat tons every day (still mainly bread with one propper meal for tea), I'm always starving, i have to keep eating biscuits and snacks because if I don't i feel so ill and retch and/or be sick until I eat.

This is EVERY DAY, and has been for years, it's got to the point where I am having to have 2 breakfasts, dinner, 2 or 3 biscuits, big tea, 2 more snacks, then supper, then 1 or 2 more biscuits. I still wake up an hour later feeling completely empty and retchy again.
Some times (rarely) after tea, I can go 3 hours (at a push) without needing a snack and it's fab, and I can go out to the park and not have to worry (altho i'm still thinking about food and got a snack in my bag).

I've never known anything like it, i cannot find any other cases like mine on the internet.

But it's one of my main reasons for being agora/social phobic because i just feel so ill and i dont want to be sik in front of anyone, it's the reason i havent been to the doctors, or had therapy, or going to see family or them coming to us. I wrote a post y'day because my fiance booked our wedding and all im thinking about is How will I get through it with out eating, how will I go and spend half an hour in the regestry office when we give notice without retching and being sik?
And I seriously fear that I'm going to have to break my fiances heart, and my own, because I can't go to the regestry and do the ceremony all because of my stupid eating!

It's not normal, I just look like some fat woman that cant go 20 minutes without a chocolate biscuit because she's greedy,, and its not that at all, I hate eating, I wish i didnt have to, it's embarrassing and makes me feel discusting. and i'm terrified its a stomach ulcer, and not because of the illness, but because of the "How will I manage to go to hospital for tests because i need to eat".

[VioletWings]

Hey Miss Moose,

What you're going through sounds awful =( I wondered if you are on any medication? (for anxiety)
Also, it sounds as if it must be linked psychologically (could it be OCD?), but if I were you I'd go to the doctor, or call them out to come and see you. I know you said you are agoraphobic and it would be a very, very hard step for you -but if your problem is psychological that step could be really good for you. The doctors have seen worse than someone being sick and even if you were sick with them there it would at least enable him/her to see how you bad you really are, and therefore advise you.

I'd really recommend seeing a physician and finding out just what it is -you should be having a better life than you're having now. They're not afraid of seeing you ill, physical or psychological, it's their job. (I was having a full blown panic attack last time I went the doctors and could barely answer his questions! - I know that doesn't compare to your problem but it's an example)

All the very best, hope to hear of things improving soon *hugs*