The funny side to HA
The Hypochondria Song
I've got lethargy, depression, tetanus and constipation
A severe case of shingles and worse verbigeration
Nasty dental caries and mild intoxication
Boils and warts, lice assorted causing irritation
I've got chickenpox, chicken flu, bovine tuberculosis
Cat scratch fever, monkeypox, and various zoonoses
My kidneys, spleen and liver in a state of bad cirrhosis
Plaque and cysts and ulcers causing foetid halitosis
I've got gastritis, hepatitis, and poliomyelitis
Lymphaigitis, meningitis, and gastroenteritis
Dermatitis, peritonitis, spongiform encephalitis
Mastitis, salpingitis and chronic endometritis
[spoken] Which is inflammation of the womb lining if you want to know
I've got smallpox, I've got great pox and I need a circumcision
Chilblains, frostbite, measles, pulmonary embolism
I'm getting overweight due to a slow metabolism
I've contracted beri-beri and hypergonadism
I've got CJD, HPS, GSS and NSU
HTLV, HFRS (STDs to name a few)
Gangrene in my legs and my blood is turning royal blue
And bleeding haemophilia, doctor what is one to do?
Judging by this jaundice I'm suffering from anemia
Or maybe, I'm not certain, could be hairy cell leukemia
Still I'm eating well despite this crippling bulimia
And multiple pneumonia, and did I mention septicemia?
I say Doctor have you heard me, listened to everything I've said
Quite plainly I'm diseased, in fact I'm nearly dead
He said thank you for your list dear sir, you're really most well read
And dismissing me with a wave said.. "Take two asprins and go to bed"
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