[dante]

i have had ocd for a while, but have had a relapse, does any one have the one thought like picking up knife and acting on your thoughts, i have it first thing in the morning and it is so scary its just the one thought but my mind gets wrapped up in it , i can picture myself getting the knife in flashes and images.and it stays with me then no matter what i try to think it so much on my mind.

[gypsywomen]

Originally Posted by dante

i have had ocd for a while, but have had a relapse, does any one have the one thought like picking up knife and acting on your thoughts, i have it first thing in the morning and it is so scary its just the one thought but my mind gets wrapped up in it , i can picture myself getting the knife in flashes and images.and it stays with me then no matter what i try to think it so much on my mind.

when you have the knife what do you want to do ith it in your mind

[dante]

well of course my worst fear is attacking my family, i had it before and got used to it but the problem i have as well as that is i have constant thoughts in my head, like, you never gonna get better, you will have thoughts of harming others, you gonna get worse , these thoughts are constantly flashing into my head and many others i just find it so hard.
i know we all have these thoughts most of the time i realise how daft these thoughts are but then they come with so much anxiety i find it so scary

[Maj]

Yes, it's scarey, that's why they keep happening - they depend on your hatred of them. Of course you would never harm anyone! That's why the thought repulses you so much. Please try to accept that this is the symptom of a tired mind being fuelled by anxiety. They are thoughts - no more than this. I've heard lots of people saying that they don't like sharp knives lying around - ?!!! You're not alone with these horrible thoughts. Don't give them the importance they are asking for.

Myra

[dante]

i know myra, i read that book by claire weekes, i felt great put it behind me and had a great week just wanted to know if anyone had the thought and then it stuck so it was like a record playing over and over again i know they thoughts myra but its like i have no control over my subconscious and it at war in the back ground and i just dont know how to think anymore.
i know them flashes are my ocd but i get constant thoughts running riot in the background they wear me out
i know have read people who have the same thought of picking up a knife , or punching someone, or even hitting them with what ever they have in there hand. so i know i am no diffrent, i just had it undercontrol for a few weeks and now it come back again, so think i just feeling sorry for myself,

[Maj]

It's a setback and if you can keep accepting and getting through this then you are more and more on the road to peace of mind. The fact that you are having spells when you don't have the thoughts are a good sign. The mind is always waiting to trick us into thinking that we'll never recover, but you can. The thought is making you feel bad but you are harming no-one else, always remember this and remember it's only a stupid thought.
Myra

[Melancholia77]

I think that guilt is an important part of this type of OCD. Even though you know deep down that you'd never carry out the action, you feel guilty for thinking about such a disturbing thing. And the more you feel guilty the stronger the thoughts become. Just understand that you shouldn't feel guilty - you have done nothing wrong. These thoughts thrive the more you fight them to go away. After all you're fighting yourself. Just watch the thoughts come and go and soon they'll diminish.

[dante]

well the problem i have is not just the harmfull thoughts, i have a steady stream of negative thoughts that is just total chatter, good and bad thoughts i feel like there 2 people inside my head argueing, so i feel like i have lost total control, so decided i am just gonna ignore it all, just take a leap of faith and just let the thoughts keep bubbling up but ignore them, i just feel i have forgot how to think so i am always searching for ways to think so think this constant searching to be normal is making me worse.

[Maj]

Sounds like your doctor should maybe be giving you more help to calm you a wee bit. Anxiety does cause a lot of brain chatter but it's not very nice if you're constantly tormented by it. I've probably said this before but when I suffered repeated thoughts I had great relief when taking sertraline, which I believe is very effective in ocd. This, combined with acceptance, should give you some relief. I would speak to the doctor again to try and get some peace of mind back as any meds you are taking don't seem to be giving you a lot of help.
Myra