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  #1  
Old 18-01-12, 18:50
joy joy is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: , , United Kingdom.
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daughters baby

Dear All

My daughter is expecting her 2nd baby in July ,at her scan she has been told she has a 59 to 1 chance of having a downs baby or baby has heart trouble. She seems very laid back about it but I'm worried sick and has set my anxiety off big time.She has another scan next week which may tell more but she doesnt want to have the needle test which would prove it one way or another because it can cause miscarriage.
Any words of advice please. She already has the most gorgeous very bright almost two year old and rightly or wrongly I feel a Downs child will change all their lives but not neccessary for the best

Joy
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  #2  
Old 18-01-12, 18:56
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Stormsky Stormsky is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,857
Re: daughters baby

hi
you have to just support your daughter... you dont want to worry her with your anxiety on it all... if she seems laidback then thats good...Nothing is definate that the baby will have downs... And should it be the baby does, then your daughter will need your support more... Downs children seem very loving, (ive only seen documentaries)...it doesnt mean their lives will take a turn for the worst...
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  #3  
Old 18-01-12, 19:08
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london london is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 952
Re: daughters baby

at 59 to 1 its a very long shot that the baby will be ill
i think not to worry as at them odds its hard to think it will happen
look in the paper you wont see any 59to 1 horses win
maybe once in a blue moon dont worry
god bless
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Last edited by london; 18-01-12 at 19:19.
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  #4  
Old 18-01-12, 20:26
sickandtired sickandtired is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 621
Re: daughters baby

these nurses sometimes have the nack of putting the fear of god in you...and often dont have the correct communication skills
Over 13 years ago I was told my unborn daughter had..."cysts on her brain" and they needed to scan again to see if there was any fluid around her neck,bowel problems etc because they thought she may have Downs.....
I was left heartbroken in the waiting room,but said the consultant would be along soon to speak to me.I sat there....for 2 hours..........eventually a nurse asked who I was waiting for.....when I told her the consultants name,she apologised and said unfortunately....he had gone home.Again I broke down,but was offered to speak with another nurse to calm me down.
She bluntly said....the cysts are not a sign of Downs,they are 'pointers' of Edwards syndrome and in which case,no baby survives....usually passing away within 3 days of birth.I refused the amnio test because of miscarriage threat,but was left until 35 weeks worrying myself sick........a later scan showed the 'cysts' had disappeared and everything was fine (it was too late....the doubt and worry had been planted)
My beautiful daughter was born completely healthy 8lb 7 oz and will be 13 in a few weeks time.
My friend was also told her son had a high chance of Downs....(same hospital) she went private and further tests showed he was just fine!!! and he is!.....just started school.....
to think they tried to encourage her to have the amnio test.......distgusting!!!
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  #5  
Old 19-01-12, 07:35
Patrick Michael Patrick Michael is offline
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 28
Re: daughters baby

Sick and tired . Here here !

Joy - its your daughters baby. Its her call. Tough and all as that sounds, and I do mean it with compassion ! If she is laid back - well, thats a tremendous compliment to you, that she feels able to deal with whatever comes !

Medics ? Sometimes we treat them with too much reverence for the incredibly difficult and emotionally taxing job they do. We forget they are human and have feet of clay and sometimes the communication skills and empathy of a brick.

Go with the horse racing analogy of 59 to 1. ( How did they settle on 59 to 1, sounds very exact for something so inexact as prediction ). Worrying about it ( and you knoiw this anyway ) is not going to change anything and any new arrival is tremendously demanding anyway - emotionally and physically - so - as a proud ( second time ) grandmother, harbour your reserves for when they are actually needed by your daughter, rather than wear yourself down now ahead of time.

Bless

Patrick
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  #6  
Old 19-01-12, 20:40
happydylbob happydylbob is offline
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 49
Re: daughters baby

Hello
When my sister in law was pregnant with her first child she had a similar percent chance. I was very worried and got quite upset for her my husband who is very level headed did something that helped put things into perspective. He took 59 matches (or however many it was) and chopped the end off 1. without being able to see the end of the matches he told me to pick 1, as you can imagine it still had it's end, it took me many goes until I found the one without.
I hope everything works out well, when I had my kids I didn't even have the test so for all I know I may have had a 1 in 2 chance, but had healthy children.
Whatever happens your daughter will cope and you will all adapt (if necessary) and love that little baby, but 1 in 59 is still a low chance. If someone told you, you had a 1 in 59 chance you would win the lottery would you really believe you would be the winner?

---------- Post added at 19:40 ---------- Previous post was at 19:38 ----------

forgot to say my sister in law had a healthy baby girl.
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  #7  
Old 24-02-12, 01:36
cheryl foster cheryl foster is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 66
Re: daughters baby

hi joy..i went through this..this is my opinion..and my opinion only..im just letting you know my experience..i took that test.. i was told i had a chance of a downs baby.. i know with my personal anxietys, i couldnt cope with a downs child.. it would not be fair on me, or the child. im just honest.. i know other people would differ.. so, i took the test.. it was for me so scary, and the most confusing thing ever..if i didnt take it?.. could have a downs baby...if i did..and the baby was fine..i could have lost the baby. the test itself was horrible for me as im anxious .anyway, after the test, i was a nervous wreck..kept checking to see if i had bleeding..i felt guilty that id taken it..and waiting for that call to see if my baby had downs.. my baby was fine.. but.. what if the results were fine, and id lost him? would i have ever forgiven myself? i dont know..i cant blame your daughter for not taking it..because to go through what i did was horrific. the needle is scary enough. but..at the same time..could she cope with a downs baby? my best friend would never take such a test..she is stronger than me i guess..and she said she would cope no matter what... all you can really do is let her decide.. please PM me if you would like a chat.
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