I'll never find a boyfriend

[scaredgirl86]

I'm feeling really depressed lately. I didnt know where to post this I think it's good here. I'm 30 and never been in a relationship with a guy never even had a guy like me. In school I was quiet and all the guys I liked didn't like me they called me ugly and made me feel bad about myself and after school I had social anxiety and other anxieties. It got bad I barely leave the house. I haven't bothered all these years to go after a guy I figure they won't like me. All I ever wanted was a boyfriend and it's sad that I have to watch everyone around me get married and kids when I never even had one guy. I know a lot of the people are not nice people and don't deserve the guys they are with it's not right but that's the way it is. It's bad enough dealing with anxiety and depression I finally found a therapist that's good but don't feel like I'm getting anywhere thought only been a month I'm going to him. I'm always told I need to like myself and not worry about a boyfriend but I cannot do it. I sometimes think I look good then something ruins it. I still want a boyfriend and nothing will make me not be sad I don't have one. Being this age makes me want a boyfriend more I feel I getting older and don't want to miss chance at anything. I also like this celebrity guy hes someone I know I will never be with but liking him takes over my thoughts I feel happy to have someone to like but sad I'll never be with him. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not good enough and I feel like I have to change myself to be liked. I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. I know what's important in life and I know I don't need a boyfriend but I want a guy to be with I want to be loved and accepted. I spent long time wishing I looked like other girls wanting to be them so guys will like me to know what it was like to have a guy worship me. I'm tired of it I want to like myself and I don't know how why is it difficult for me to like myself. I'm sorry this post is all over the place but I've been down I need any advice anyone wants to give

[nic77]

Ive never liked myself either . Felt ugly and just wanted to be taller or slimmer to feel more attractive . I have also felt envy at other women wanting to be and look like them. I am with some one but he once said to me that I wasn't as pretty as his ex girlfriend and he was with me as I'm trust worthy and kind ! Since though I have decided I have other things to offer and am with the right person for me . The right person will come along when you least aspect . xxx

[Bigboyuk]

And neither have I liked my self much either,Yes been there and had that done too me a few times and it hurts, but look at it like this beauty is only skin deep! It's what's inside that counts also concerntraite ( damn spell checker, sometimes it works and some times it doesn't) on getting more friends as romance can be very complicated And you are both are young too. Cheers

[beatroon]

I really sympathise with your feelings. It can be awful when you don't feel like you like yourself - I suspect many people on here also share these feelings of low/no self-esteem, and that they're not worthy.

30 is still pretty youthful - my sister had no relationships until she was 38 and now she's happily married to the first guy she dated. I have several other friends who were in a similar boat - and I have lots of friends who don't have partners but who have full, adventurous lives and don't feel that they're missing out. It really is possible to have a good life whatever life throws at you.

I personally would consider a course of CBT, which might help you tackle those negative thoughts that are swirling round your head, as well as take positive steps towards achieving your goals. What kind of things are you interested in? It sounds cheesy but there are all sorts of groups you can join through Meetup which might help you make more social connections. Sometimes it's just a question of getting out there, like a detective on the trail, and making things happen. Which I know is absolutely overwhelming-seeming when you're low, but just take things one step at a time and set tiny goals, and you'll be fine.

I wish you all the best!

[Bill]

I've just read these posts and I must confess they Really upset me to almost want to make me cry...and that's the truth.

The are a couple of lines from a couple of you that have hit me in particular...
I spent long time wishing I looked like other girls wanting to be them so guys will like me

and from another post...

I am with some one but he once said to me that I wasn't as pretty as his ex girlfriend

I'll talk about the latter firstly. That is Such a Cruel thing to say regardless of how anyone appears to another. It is especially cruel if that is you in the photo on here. It just doesn't appreciate how very lucky he is when he has such a kind caring woman who is very attractive too.

Regardless f appearance though, I find the Most beautiful people in this world who I would wish to spend my time with are the people who reveal their beauty within. It's true what they say that beauty is only skin deep so that some people can appear beautiful and yet be monsters to others.

Something you should always remind yourself about your anxiety - we focus on the bad aspects of anxiety so much that we forget the good attributes that exist in sufferers personalities which wouldn't exist without anxiety. Anxiety is created by worry. Worry is created because sufferers care. Care means caring towards others. Caring towards others means to me, a beautiful person above anyone whose beauty is just skin deep. Also, if you need further proof, look at how many nurses are on here who suffer from anxiety. There are plenty. Nurses are extremely beautiful people because no one normally cares more than a nurse. It's not just a job. They normally go into the profession because they care and want to help others.

Never beat yourself up when you have such good qualities because there are far uglier people in this world who many will say look beautiful.

This leads me to the former sentence above about wanting to be like other girls. It's not about looking like them that should matter. If they had just half of your personality, they still wouldn't compare with your beauty. They should be the ones wanting to be like You. I know you and many others on here won't believe me and say I'm talking a load of....but I know without any question of doubt that if I was forever in the company of anxiety sufferers, the vast majority would be beautiful people to me because regardless what they think of themselves, I would only ever see the beauty that they fail to see.

I hope this will give you the smiles you deserve.


Her True Reflection

Her eyes betray her, they fail to see,
Her many attributes, her special qualities,
For she is the kindest lady you could ever meet,
So rare and honest, so modest and oh so sweet,



With sparkling nails on her soft hands and feet,
She is as attractive as a forest of autumnal leaves,
With a sunshine smile of a field of golden wheat,
Glowing with warmth to all she greets,



In a world where there is so much beauty,
Where many natural wonders can be seen,
There is none more beautiful than in the true reflection of she,
Forever living in peoples hearts with much affection eternally.

[Bill]

I've just read this post on this link which I hope works... http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=197879

It's a perfect example of how much an anxiety sufferer cares and that's why it upsets me when others don't appreciate you and you end up feeling you should be like them when they should be more like You.

[unsure_about_this]

I have never dated a female I am 33, I also have a disability and health condition so it a double barrel for me, I dont want the gene pass on. I had one female who cheeky asked my parents could she marry me back in 2010 how on earth a hotel entertainer wanted to date me I dont know and another in 2015 who tried her best.

[Bee84]

I definitely know how it is to want to feel a connection to someone. But believing in "the one" is detrimental as you know.

The reality is there are people everywhere who you can connect with, which would stop the singling out and futile searching for the one. You can miss making friends with others and even yourself. I wish I had a good group of friends more than anything at this time in my life. Indulgence in all these romantic fantasies with celebrities and with ideal love, is finally losing its charm for me. Romance is made up. Self love is true love.

As for these women's beautiful looks, that's only one area of life they've gotten good fortune with. Some beautiful girls will cling on to their looks and let it define them because it may be all she's got going for her. She has feelings too like we do.

Actually most men I see with their wives are often with an "ordinary" looking woman whom they may genuinely love dearly. Its beautiful girls I hear complaining about not being able to get a date and all of that. With good looking men, if I had the options, I'd inevitably get bored of the great looking guy I was with and then be on to the next one! I think men must be similar like that. Beautiful people are not taken seriously sometimes. Only being liked for your looks has got to hurt. Would they even know?

When I've felt this way needing a man, its been mainly because I wanted to fit in with my peer group so desperately. To appear "normal." I think its only the actual feeling of connection we want, not the man. You have those feelings inside you already right now.

[Mav]

I understand this, I'm 19 and I'll be 20 by the end of the year and I know I'm still "young", however my anxiety has aged my thoughts severly. I feel hideous, but above that, a sense of lonliness that I know might never really and truly be fixed.

My health anxiety makes me feel as though I'll die young and single, that these experiences were never made for someone like me. I feel like if I find somebody eventually, he will never truly treat me properly. I have seen men worship my friends, though I don't agree with it, I know I will never be on the recieving end of such admiration.

It is difficult to overcome these feelings of low self-worth so when I'm not an anxious mess I just focus on my work, and spend the rest of the day with my head in the clouds. :/