Some advice or comments needed if possible....

[katie20]

Hi, I'm quite new here. I've just introduced myself in one of the other threads, but my name is Katie and I am in my 20's. Basically, my situation is the following:

For quite some time, I have had issues with depression and anxiety and that has manifested in many different ways. I've never been too sure how to deal with it, but I have a couple of times approached my doctor for help and have once been referred to a counsellor (I couldn't attend, I was at university at the time) and other times just talked to them about what I have been feeling. I don't really feel like much of it has helped, but that's partly because I don't think I've ever been brave enough to tell them exactly how I feel.

My current problem is that I have started a new job (I have been there a couple of weeks now) and I am not coping at all well. Ironically, my employers actually seem to like me, which makes me feel bad that I don't want to be there. It's a quite methodical and high pressured job at times, and even though I am still training for it, I don't feel like I can cope with everything, or take it all in. I am worried about being judged or 'told off' for something I do wrong, or that I'll mess up so badly that I'll ruin something for someone or one of my colleagues.

I have never been on medication for my problems, but I'm wondering if I should go to the doctor and ask about this now, because I'm clearly not coping as I should be. Even the thought of going on a training course soon is scaring me, and I don't want to feel that way. What's been happening since I've started the job is that I've had nightmares about it, and woken up a couple of times having panic attacks. I've never had them with that frequency before, it's always been random, maybe five or six over the past three or four years. I feel like if I keep going like this, trying to 'mindpower' my way through it, I might be making things worse for myself and everyone else in the long term. Also, I'm starting to get headaches when I come home from work, which could be a bubbling problem as I have suffered from migraines in the past (recent past, last two years mainly). Additionally, I have been feeling physical pain in my limbs the past few days, and I'm wondering if this might be related to my emotional state? Has anyone else ever experienced this?

I had another job that I ended last year, as I was treated quite badly by some staff members and I felt like I was left with no choice but to leave the job by the end of it. I don't feel like I have been able to properly deal with the issues from that, and maybe I'm associating my problems there with my new job.

I'm thinking about visiting my doctor. I don't know if I want to be on medication, but I know I can't keep going on like this. I think I might end up being signed off work if I do speak to the GP, and I can't work out if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I'm scared of disappointing my family as well, because they don't know about my problems and I know they want to be proud of me and I want them to be proud of me as well.

Also, I'm worried that my doctor will just think I'm trying to get out of having to work, because I have only been at my job for a short time. He/she might think I am lazy and want to live off benefits or something like that. I'm just regretting taking the job that I have and I'm scared of disappointing so many people. I've walked out on jobs in the past because I haven't been able to cope with them and I don't want to keep on doing that.

If anyone can give me some advice, I would very much appreciate it. I'm just not sure what to do for the best. I am sorry if this isn't exactly the correct place to post this, and that it is so long-winded, but like I said I'm new here !

Katie. xo.

[MOZZY]

Welcome. It Sounds Like You Are Putting So Much Pressure On Yourself By Worry Whay People And Family Members Will Think Of You. Your Family Probably Dont Know What You Are Going Through And If You Could Get The Courage To Sit Down And Tell Them You Would Feel So Much Better. A Problem Shared Is A Problem Halfed... I Know Its Just A Saying But It Does Work.

Hope This Has Helped In Someway.

[Nechtan]

Hi Katie,

You are doing the right thing in going to see your GP. Just be honest and I'm sure your GP won't be judgemental. This is about making your situation better. Everybody is different and their anxiety problems are different too so medication is something that will suit some and not others. The decision is something only you will know is right when you speak to your doctor and even at that if you do go down that route it might take some trial and error to get something that works for you- again there is not one drug for all.

Medication is not the only answer for coping. Your GP may be able to offer alternatives via community mental health or another. Really its just about finding whatever works best for you.

I wish you all the best with your appointment,

Nechtan

[katie20]

Hi friends, thank you for replying. Sometimes I wish I could talk to my family about this, but I just don't want to put pressure on them because they have been through a lot as well. My mum had a quite bad marriage to my dad (he wasn't physically abusive, but he was pretty nasty emotionally speaking, more than likely contributing to my problems) and she has only recently (in the past couple of years) got divorced from him. I am close to my mum in many respects, but I've never been able to talk to her about things like this. She doesn't really know much about my emotional side at all I suppose, be that good or bad. I don't know if she's questionned why I've left other jobs, but she's never raised the issue with me, which makes me think that she either hadn't realised that things were difficult, or doesn't want to think about it. I don't mean that she doesn't care about me, just that she hasn't thought extensively enough to realise that there is a problem. I don't know, maybe she just thinks I'm lazy. That's crossed my mind at times, but I know I want to do things with my life, such as have children, and make my family proud of me, so I know I'm not lazy, I know there are real issues with work.

I think I will go see my doctor, just to see what he/she says. I will probably see a female doctor at the surgery, I find them easier to talk to. I don't know what I'll tell work. But the thing is, on a basic level, I can't keep on having the nightmares and the panic attacks, because it's making me so tired all the time.

Please know that I appreciate so much that you guys have taken the time to reply to me, it's nice to know that there are people who pay mind to me .

[MOZZY]

You sound such a nice person. Going to your gp will help even if the talk to someone.... councilling is another option, im going to try that because i found talking to a stranger who doesnt judge you really helpfull. I think we just put so much pressure on ourselves that we put our mind then bodies into panic. You will get through this im sure of that. really wish you all the best. there are so many lovely people on this site.

sending you a hug

[katie20]

Thank you Mozzy, that's really sweet of you. I hope you get on okay with your counsellor, I think I'm going to ask my doctor about that, although if I keep working fulltime I don't know where and when that will fit in lol. I think you're right about the pressure thing. If we could learn the triggers, we might be able to do something about the anxiety earlier. I could honestly spend hours speculating on the reasons for why I feel like this, I think that's part of the problem lol. Thank you for your kind words, you can always seek me out if you need to chat, I'm online most evenings so now I've found this place I'll check in most nights . I can honestly say I've never found a more welcoming place than this. It's lovely.

Sending you a hug back .

Katie. xo.

[Mudskipper]

Never be afraid to consult your doctor on matters like this, he/she has heard it all before and, if they're any good, will be able to go over all the available options. Likewise, don't be afraid to take medication if it helps you through, whether short or long term. I use Citalopram when I need it, whilst my wife has been on it permamanently for the past three years which works fine for her. For your immediate work worries you might want to consider something like Valium to reduce your anxiety. Doctors tend not to prescribe it long-term as it can be addictive, but a short course can be very helpful, perhaps while you get used to something else? Talk it over with your doctor. By the way, if your doctor isn't very receptive to problems like this, don't hesitate to change to one that is. A sensitive doctor is a real boon to people like us, but a bad one is worse than useless.

Take care out there.

[lenore]

Hi Katie,

I have been in a similar situation to you. When I left uni and started full time work I struggled to cope. Unfortunately, I didn't ask for help until it was too late and I was such a mess by the time I saw my GP that I was immediately signed off work and I never went back to that job. So good on you for finding this site and having the guts to admit that you may need some help! I really would urge you to see your GP to discuss what help is available and suitable for you. As everyone has said, a good GP will not judge you, and it's better to find out if they are rubbish so you can get rid of them and find a decent one!

I've found that therapy has been a life-saver for me. My therapist also taught me that I was not letting my family or myself down by visiting her and allowing myself time out of work to get well (though I'm not saying this is what you will have to do-I left it so long to get help that I struggled to even contemplate working for a long while). I now see that I'm doing something positive that will have a lasting impact on my happiness and therefore on those who care about me. I'm now on the books of the Shaw Trust and we're in the process of getting me back into work and I feel more positive about it than I ever have before!

Best of luck, Katie, there are lots of people here that can sympathise with what you are going through and will always lend an ear or share what worked for them so keep posting! x