I’ve posted once before about this a while ago, but last week my OCD has really been acting up and I need some help. My ocd shows up the most in my relationship, which is great considering I also have massive abandonment issues so the two combined are just awful. My boyfriend has never ever given a reason not to trust him or to doubt him and we’ve been through a lot together and he’s always been by my side. And yet all I do is doubt him. I keep getting CONSTANT intrusive thoughts like “he doesnt love you hes just with you so he’s not lonley” “hes not really attracted to you” “he’s only with you cause he feels too sorry for you to leave” “he’d be happier with someone else” “you’re not right for each other” and thats a big one “he doesnt love you ENOUGH”. It’s so bad I can’t tell the intrusive thoughts apart from the real ones anymore and even worse I feel like I don’t even know who I am/would be without them, what ‘normal’ behaviour would be like. I am CONSTANLTY reassurance seeking “would you still love me if...” “if you had to pick between me and ...” “how much do you like me” and endless other questions I feel so stupid and childish but I can’t stop. I constantly perform little tests like I would purposely act a little upset to see if he reacts etc. like I’m literally doing that 24/7 I never stop, my brain is constantly running around in circles thinking how to prove/disprove his love for me. The only thing that has ever succeessfuly distracted me from it is my health anxiety, which is even worse so obviously not a great coping mechanism. My therapists tells me I should do the whole “thought evaluation” thing but that honestly doesnt seem to work for this like I said I can’t even tell intrusive thoughts apart from normal ones anymore, I don’t even know who I an without them. If I ever think anything positive and rational I just immidiately start feeling like I’m only in denial. I don’t know when was the last time my bf said he loves me and my first thought wasn’t “oh but does he really???”. I don’t know what to do it’s making me so miserable, I just want to be happy and feel loved in my relationship, but nothing he does seem to be enough
Does anyone have any advice on how to cope with this cause I really just want to be normal...