Firstly, I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the right place...
I've just finished my first year at university and moved back in with my parents for the summer. I got so stressed out over my end of year exams that I couldn't wait to get back here, but I've been home just over a month, and my anxiety has got worse here! 3 out of 4 of us living here have problems with anxiety. My mum is OCD, my brother has social anxiety and I have health anxiety/general iffyness. It's so tense here, all the time, like we're all feeding off eachothers anxiety and setting eachother off. My anxiety problem has always been somewhat under the radar, I do my upmost to hide it, and I developed it much later, though I had issues with depression and self-harm throughout my teens. I thought I wasn't going to get an anxiety problem, and I've only had it just over a year. My brothers problem is much more obvious than mine, he doesn't leave the house much, is unemployed, etc, but because he's got such an issue, everyone lets him do pretty much whatever he wants to, all the time, which means blaring music that can be heard throughout the entire house all day every day, taking over whichever room of the house he wants, whenever he wants, regardless of what anyone else is doing. Mum is so stressed out all the time, and makes everything into such a big deal, like someone spills 2 drops of juice on the floor and it's the end of the world. Every time something kicks off it immediately transfers to me and I start panicking. I know I'm being incredibly selfish, and It's horrible because none of this is their fault, and I know I sound like a whining child, but I feel invisible. Nobody knows. If I feel a panic attack coming on, I get myself away from people as quick as possible and have it on my own. I don't talk about stuff like this, I can't, because I'm supposed to be the 'strong one', the one who's coping, so everybody thinks I'm fine. I've just gone back on beta blockers, and because I'm so rubbish at remembering to take pills I left them in the kitchen so I could take them when I made breakfast. The only response I got was 'Don't be stupid, you don't need these, there's nothing wrong with you.' So now I'm hiding them in my room and forgetting to take them untill I get symptoms, which are getting more and more frequent. I'm so worried about getting worse and messing up my degree, I want to make my family proud of me, but I'm setting myself ridiculously high standards and then having a panicky/anxiety spell so I can't meet them, then getting angry at myself. I got a 2:1 this year, and told everyone I did rubbish because it wasn't a first. I can't wait to move back to uni, which is ridiculous, living in halls of residence should not be less stressful than being at home! I mean, I love my family, but I'm looking forward to moving back somewhere where people come in singing at 3AM so I can have some peace and quiet!!! I'm not sure if I can take another month and a half here without losing it!
If anyone actually got through all that, I'm sorry for the rant, I know I sound selfish but I needed to get it out.
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