Just feeling "weird" and other strage stories! Warning... Long post!

[Acidomoduso]

Hi guys....
Well, i said i'd post eventually! Sorry for the long post and thanks for reading, but... here goes!

OK. My wife said the immortal words " It's becoming a joke now!" tonight and even though i agree with her it has played on my mind. Don't get me wrong... she is being very supportive but she doesn't want to pander to me which i appreciate.

Recently i've had issues with constantly checking my glands - neck, collar bone, armpits, groin etc, convinced that they are swollen. I've also been a little obssessed with my abdomen area. This has morphed into weird tender, burning feelings in my neck tendons (i think). The strange thing about this is that i can trace a line from my right jaw, down my neck, down past my nipple and to my abdomen area and it feels tender. It seems to radiate out from my collar bone to my armpits, too. I also have a little tickly cough sometime and that seems to run along this imaginary line (from my chest - kind of in between the nipple and the sternum - to my throat)
I am also convinced that i can feel what could possibly be my liver (on my right side, as i breathe in and out, i can feel a ridge rub past my fingers) and a hard area just below my sternum (if i press relatively hard - but no harder than a doctor may press). This is coupled with a nervous/tingling feeling in my upper abdomen area, a nauseous feeling (i haven't actually been sick but it feels like i could easily be) and restlessness.
I am struggling to sleep and often wake up with this nervous feeling and everything that i mentioned aching/tingling/sore aong with feeling sweaty.
I just don't feel 'right'. I feel kind of spaced out. I had a little bit of a panic attack just before i left work this evening which is my first in maybe 7-8 years. It was only mild (well i can only describe it as panicky feelings and not a full blown attack) but i don't know whether it was a plain old panic attack or symptoms of what i'm feeling.

So, to delve a little further, just over two years ago i had pneumonia and (i think) since then i haven't felt right. I've been going back and forth to the doctors with all sorts. I had what they suspected was a gallstone issue (severe stabbing pain in my far right side), which they sent me to have an ultrasound - results clear (they also checked the liver and pancreas areas along with my kidneys)! I had issues with pains along the top of my abdomen about a year ago... the doctor felt a ridge where my liver was and sent me for an x-ray and bloods - x-ray came back fine but with a comment that there was something "vascular in nature" in the lower right quadrant of the x-ray (basically where my liver was). The doctor was happy with this and explained that it was probably a vein. He was also happy with my bloods - the liver reading was slightly raised but he said it was only by a few points (i.e. if a normal reading is, say, 47 mine was 53). He said that anyone with a problematic liver would be raised in the multiple 100's.
I recently had bloods for a prostate check which came back clear (this was on the back of my wife's grandad dying of cancer - we watched him deteriorate in weeks and were there at his death. I think this affected me psychologically). I also noticed a 'flow' issue down below but this may be down to age!!
I think the point i'm making is that i've had a lot of checks this past year or so but nothing has ever been evident. Could this have changed in a year? Highly unlikely but not impossible!

OK, so these last few weeks have been stressful ; especially the last few days - i have been trying to get a wedding photo shoot finished and the response they came back with kind of dampened me - i've never had anyone say they 'hated' a particular photo before! On top of this... work has been very busy and there have been big changes involving redundancies; i was studying for an exam before Christmas (which i passed, btw); it was my eldest boy's birthday last week and my youngest's this weekend just gone; i'd had an argument on the phone with my mum; my wife is still suffering from PND, is stressed and is on medication; we have financial worries; my father-in-law was recently made redundant and we had many discussions on moving in together to ease the finacial burden. Now he is working away and i am becoming the male role model throughout the week... the list is endless!

I suppose what i am saying is that i am worried about the usual things - life threatening illnesses like some kind of lymphatic problem, cancer or some other incurable disease! The question is... is this really all anxiety/stress related or am i just using that as a cover? Do my symptoms sound like a serious illness or just a psychosomatic response to my stress? I'm worried about going back to the doctor for fear of looking silly - i'm sure they have me marked as a hypochondriac on their notes ! The last time i went about my stomach, the doctor had a go about me using up an emergency appointment (the receptionist gave me the time slot - i didn't ask for it!) so i'm worried they'll have a go and tell me to stop wasting their time.

I really don't want to be feeling like this for ever! I know my wife is right but, what if...?

[Brunette]

Well if you weren't stressed in your particular situation you would be super-human!

In short, yes, your health worries are a symptom of that stress.

Perhaps you could look at all the issues separately and see what you can do about each of them. Do you get any "quiet time" to yourself? If not that might well be good place to start.

One thing puzzles me. You say you are now the "male role model" during the week. You are the father of two boys - why aren't you the "male role model" all the time? Do you have issue with that role? Do you always defer to your father in law? If so why? These may be issues you need to address too.

Best wishes

B

[Acidomoduso]

Thanks for your reply Brunette.It makes perfect sense, i know!

Yes, i am the male role model at home but I now have to support my mother-in-law, doing errands and making sure she is safe at night. I have to to jobs for my wife's Gran and Nan because the F-I-L isn't here to do them.
None of these things i mind doing because her Gran is 89 and her Nan recently lost her husband. I get on great with my M-I-L and they do a lot for us so the least i can do is be there when they need me! That is what i meant by the 'Male Role Model'. I dote on my boys and have no problems with my role as a father, nor do i defer to the F-I-L... i was just implying that i have taken on extra responsibility on top of my normal duties! I even bring the dog to work because there is no-one at home to look after him. Male role model is just a bad choice of words i suppose!

As for quiet time... Two boys, one 7 going on 13 and one who's just turned 1 and starting to walk and operate my PS3 and Cable TV? Never!
Seriously though, i have a lot to do of an evening and i try and support my wife the best i can. My eldest has Theatre school on a Monday, swimming on a Tuesday and piano lessons on a Thursday (although that is at our house so that doesn't count). And I still don't do half the stuff my wife does! I try and get to bed for 10:30 - 11:00 but that doesn't always work. It just seems we have so much to do and not enough time!

I have said that i need to get a routine going on (i.e. warm bath, in bed by 10:30, sleep by 11 etc) but it always fails. I told my wife last night that i just need some 'nothing' time where i don't have to edit photos or study or look at paperwork... just watch a movie and pad around. Problem is, my wife is completely the opposite... she thrives on being busy and occupying her time with chores and paperwork and errands. I tend to feel guilty if i leave her to get on with it.

I will certainly try and get some 'ME' time though. Thank you

[Brunette]

Thanks for clarifying that

You do sound like you need a routine. Maybe you should draw up weekly chart of stuff that needs to be done and get your 7 year old to help. Can he perhaps help with chores and things too?

That way you should be able to actually schedule in the "me time" so you can not only actually get to have it it but enjoy it guilt-free. I think the bedtime routine may well be the most important thing to sort out first though - all the rest will be so much easier to cope with after proper rest.

Do you work from home or are you bringing work home? If it is the latter can you agree that you wont, at least for a time?

I only have a husband and a cat but even I find time management difficult at home so I understand how tough it must be for you to juggle everything.

Best wishes

B

[Acidomoduso]

We often have struggles getting the 7 year old to do anything at all, let alone doing chores! I will try and get him to do a few things but it may take a couple of weeks of stress to get him to adhere to it!

I do have a day job at the office but my photography is done from home. I have a mobile studio and then go back home to edit the images. I have built a study in my garage so the room is away from the main home (it is still connected by the conservatory though). I can always shut the door to the study and forget for an evening.

On another note, my wife persuaded me to book an appointment with the doctors to talk about my Health Anxiety. That should certainly be a positive step, i hope.

[looking4answers]

I think speaking from experience its mostly stress and stress causing anxiety and worry but then again Im not a doctor so if you are worried keep bugging your doctors..In recent years I have seen people that were told that they were anxious over and over that found out they really did have something wrong with them but well today I think I am proving my point with your other symptoms and thoughts on the issue.

I hate the place I live. Its so different than anything that im used to . I have been here for over four years and I was steadfast to get our house and land on the market today. I called a Realtor to meet with us and put the property on the market ..Its been snowing here and we have about four feet of snow on the ground right now. She came out this morning telling us that we would have to wait until march until we could list it because right now no one is looking. My heart sank and I immediately felt sick. My stomach feels tight and I feel lost and no hope. I wanted it on the market NOW. I want to get out of here and I curse the day we ever bought property here. I feel like im living in hell and im afraid the stress levels are going to really kick in and im going to start feeling exactly as you are again. Anyway hope this helps you in some way to know others are feeling what you feel. Hope you are better soon. Michael

[Acidomoduso]

Thanks Michael. Yes it does help a lot. We may be separated by miles of sea, years of culture and even our accents but it just goes to show that people are just people and we all bleed if we are cut!

Maybe we could do a house swap! You could live in Broken Britain (Like Great Britain, but run by idiots!) and i could move to Obamaland (Like Disneyland, only more scary!)

Seriously... Even if i moved elsewhere i would probably feel the same after a few years anyway - it's the same with jobs... after a few years it get to be a run-of-the-mill day, doing the same old same old. The house thing is the same here... it's starting to pick up but not much. I suppose you always think the grass is greener and all that but it really isn't! I always think i would love to live in the USA, with a large house in a street like in American Pie! I'm sure when you think of houses over here it,s all country cottages and green lawns (a la 'The Holiday)! Wouldn't it be great if that were the case, eh?

I really hope you get what you desire and that it helps you to overcome your stress. Thanks for taking the time to reply to me.

[looking4answers]

No actually funny you should mention culture and accents.. My father's family were prominent and are still prominent in that broken place they conquered as Anglo Saxon warriors years ago.If I told you my real last name you would know it for sure..Yes everyone knows that the old"grass is greener on the other side" but actually its true in some cases..

My wife is from a tropical country and I grew up in New Orleans ..about as south as you can get.. Tropical and coastal as is the country she came from so we are both rather heat loving ,green loving ,tree loving ,plant loving ,water loving etc.. I think you get the picture lol..Ok four years ago we moved here to the southwest USA.. ugh.. We live in a place that time forgot ..

The only reason its populated is the people that were going to California for the gold rush back in the 1800's were too lazy to go any further. We live in a secluded valley in the state of Colorado and most people in the USA doesn't even know this place exist. Some people in Colorado doesn't know that it exist..Its a hole the size of the state of Connecticut and has only 14000 people..

That is like one person every 25 miles. The soil here is so bad and the rodents" i,e pocket gophers,prairie dogs,rats,mice,and at least ten other species that destroys grass ,and trees and anything green outnumbers humans by about ten thousand to one. The winters are so cold they rival the arctic..The normal night time temps here are minus 30 and 40 and the daytime temps are usually 1 Fahrenheit thats in a warm year. Our snowfall begins in September and sometimes can last until June of the next year,. We usually have an annual snowfall of about 15 feet so it gets pretty deep here.

It gets so cold that most people can't start their vehicles and if you can stay inside during winter you do.Most of us that venture out to the stores can usually only find what they want to sell..The people here are mostly outcast.. meaning they want to be here to be alone and others are here because they grew up here and can't survive any other place.. We bought land here thinking it was a good investment over 10 years ago because it was cheap. My wife and I were retiring early to her country of origin and Katrina took us all by surprise. We were locked out of New Orleans for two months .. Our children scattered all over the country ,thank God they got back to work and found houses to buy ..

We went back where we had packed to leave before and had damage to our home and their homes but we weren't in the area that flooded we were on the other side of the river on the west bank..We had the sense to leave before the storm but it was so stressful to worry when we came back how our homes were. Our children are all engineers and professionals ,they all transferred out to other states nice ones and we not wanting to leave the country to live because the kids were all upset were left to pick up the pieces.. So we went back fixed our homes,sold our kids homes or what was left of them packed and my wife asked me where we should go.

I didn't want to be that far from all the children so I told my wife lets go to Colorado to see what its like. That was a major mistake.. I worried about the kids and stayed in the states to my own disadvantage because I didn't realize the kids wouldn't come to Colorado that much or ever because none of them likes Colorado and its too far from them.. So well you see the terrain here is like in the old cowboy movies ,mostly stone and grass prairies you know? Where we are going there is coast and rain Forrest and mountains..and people..God .. finally life real life so you see sometimes the grass really is greener on the other side.. sorry about the long post but thanks for replying to my reply .l lol and yes I think everything and everyone still bleeds the same.. Michael

[Acidomoduso]

WOW! It really does sound bleak. I'm sure the grass WILL be greener on the other side because at least you will HAVE some grass!

Good luck in your quest - i really hope you can get there.