Guilt

[Nick263321]

Hi,

I'm new to this forum. Just wanted to tell you my story. Bear with me woffling on!
For years i have suffered depression on and off a couple of times taking medication but mostly i can control my depression, i've never been clinically diagonised but i know i do just how low i can get. Also i was in a 11 year relationship which helped, stability defo helps me. 2 years ago i met someone else and cheated on my ex, first time i have cheated and god never again. The guilt i have ferlt since, every single day, me and my new partner are still together bought house etc and i am happy but the guilt just takes over me, every day i think about what happended, i always look back and i know i need to look forward. I'm not a horrible person but what i did was and i would never cheat again, i do still care for my ex. I'm trying to move forward buit every day that guilt gets me and i become emotional and feel down, i know it cant carry on. I just wondered if there was any advice anyone would have to help me. Maybe i do need to take some tablets to get lift me up or maybe see a counciler to finally put an end to my past and help me move forward.

any comments/help would be much appreciated.

[SLA]

Hello mate,

None of us our perfect, and life certainly isn't. We all make mistakes, some big, some small.

The fact that you have guilt is actually a good thing overall. Because it shows that deep down as a person, you know you ****ed up, and maybe didn't handle it as well as you could.

Acknowledge your guilt, and let it go. It may never go completely, but just know that in the grand scheme of things, what you did isn't the end of the world.

People change. Things happen. Shit goes down.

You've learnt from it, and know you wouldn't do it again. No-more can be done now, so let it go. Give yourself permission to just release it.

People do far worse. And that isn't to justify what you did, but to put it in perspective in the grand scheme of things.

[Nick263321]

Hi,

Thanks for the reply.

no i know and i've been told many times by friends i need to move on and look forward, it wasnt the worst thing i have ever done, and that it shows that i feel the guilt shows i know idid wrong, which i do but still every single day i feel the guilt. I certainly didnt handle it well, at the time i was emotional and got angry, which i do sometimes where i have suffered from depression. Now i just feel sadness and have felt like this for along time now. I do probably need some tablets or maybe see someone to help me get over the guilt.

thanks again

[SLA]

I think the feeling of sadness is happening first, and that is paving the way for the feeling of guilt rather than vice versa.

The reason I say this is because me and my partner separated last year, and I am pretty much over it now. We've moved on, and going our own ways. (We have children together, so still see each other.)

So on good days, I am moving on, and accepting things.

However, if I am having an anxious/depressed day, I feel sad, and think about "where things went wrong."

It is like my state of mind is leading my thoughts, and I think that is true for a lot of depression.

Because ultimately, I am happy where I am now, and wouldn't ever want to go back. However, feeling depressed makes me reflect on those times, and almost feel like I want them back. Whereas I actually don't. Its not possible.


If that sounds true to you, then getting treatment for the depression will alleviate things. If the guilt is causing the sadness however, you are not treating the problem with medication. You are just treating the symptoms.

Feeling depressed does drag things up. Those things do not necessarily instigate the depression themselves.

[Nick263321]

This is so true with me what you said below

Because ultimately, I am happy where I am now, and wouldn't ever want to go back. However, feeling depressed makes me reflect on those times, and almost feel like I want them back. Whereas I actually don't. Its not possible.

When i'm fine i'm happy like i said i feel the guilt every day but sometimes i will think very briefly but other times like now i think alot and feel sad and think of holiday's etc, i always have looked back, i know i should look forward