Why am i doubting my relationship?

[harrypotterismylife]

i am unsure when it started, but i have had it for a while. i have been with my boyfriend for over 5 years and we have got a mortgage and a home together, he is my best friend and we do everything together.

but i am constantly plagued by these doubts that i am no longer in love with him and that i am not attracted to him, it makes me feel sick to my stomach and when i see couples that are so obviously in love i think is that me? am i like that? am i just pretending because its easier than breaking up?

I dont want to break up, i want this feeling to go away and to feel like i am falling back in love with him, we can be on the sofa having the best evening and all of a sudden i look at him and the feeling comes out of nowhere!

every time someone mentions marriage or kids i wanna throw up from nerves about how i am feeling, and my anxiety makes me have conversations with myself in my head...
"you just need to fall back in love with him",
"you are attracted to him dont be stupid"
and i end up hitting myself out of frustration trying to snap myself out of it..
"maybe you need to break up so you can get back together" i mean seriously what the **** is this?! i cannot deal with these thoughts! i know the more you think about it the more it imprints itself in your head... has anyone got any tips on how to do this? or have you been through it and come out the other side?
he is incredible, he supports me and loves me so much, without him i would be so lost.

[akb]

Hi there

Your doubts are typical of the irrational thoughts that anxiety can throw up out of nowhere. You have a great relationship.

A variation of this is feeling you are a burden on your partner and looking for excuses to push him away but this is not so in your case.

Have you seen a doctor? If not you should. I'm sure you'll get good advice from other people here.

akb

[ana]

It sounds like you are having irrational thoughts, like the person above said. Intrusive thoughts are very common with anxiety, and I get thoughts similar to yours, actually. I'm very much in love with my boyfriend, but whenever he's away for a few weeks, I worry I might start falling out of love for missing him so much or that he might go off me. The things that are important to us tend to make us the most fearful, I've come to realise. Saying that, hopefully your rational thoughts overpower the irrational ones.

[Ljj44577]

This sounds like bad anxiety. I think you are allowing your thoughts to take over your brain. It seems to me that you are overthinking. I think you should take a moment to sit down and sort your thoughts out. Grab a piece of paper and write these thoughts down until you feel like you've written enough of them down. Then, try to pinpoint certain solutions to those problems.

You are allowing our mind to do the worst to you. It is important for you to relax.

I hope this helps.

[harrypotterismylife]

Thanks guys, i am hoping CBT will start to help me, even when woke up this morning i got a jolt of feeling so weird that he was lying next to me, i hate this so so much, i love him, hes my best friend, we laugh and joke, we are so open with eachother, i have told him i felt like this before, but i dont want to tell him again and keep bringing it up incase it starts to upset him.

I hate my brain and these thoughts, i see people on fb celebrating anniversaries and stuff and ours is coming up, and i get a sick feeling in my stomach instead of being excited.

I am hoping our little trip to Amsterdam will help, but my brain is clinging onto these horrible thoughts now and wont let them go. i dunno what to do its making me so sad and frustrated :(

[Darksky]

Everybody is right, they are nothing but anxiety playing tricks in your mind. They are just thoughts and they mean absolutely nothing. You know deep down they mean nothing. It's just another outlet for anxiety.
I read somewhere that anxious thoughts are like a tiger behind glass. They are frightening but perfectly harmless.

I think we all have them about various subjects and we all play conversations in our heads. They can get to me and i go into worry mode, on and on. Probably worrying that the glass will break which incidentally it never does.

[beatroon]

Hi there,

I too suffer from obsessive thoughts about my relationship, and it is a horrible place to be in, so I do sympathise. As others have said, it's the things that are most important to us that cause us the most anxiety. I would consider some counselling with a specialist who is used to dealing with intrusive thoughts and anxiety, and give yourself a break: say to yourself you will just let yourself relax and see where you end up. It really will all be OK!

Best of luck to you

Bea

[Kuatir]

Keep on at the CBT and obviously discuss these thoughts with your therapist so that you can really work on them.

[Sar40]

Hi I too have thoughts like this, mine have been since I had our daughter 9 years ago.
I was on maternity leave and my husband came home from work and I just suddenly thought 'i don't love you anymore' then a second later I thought 'i wouldn't w to be without you'.
I felt sick to my stomach and couldn't eat all this since having a baby which seems to have messed with my brain.

---------- Post added at 19:39 ---------- Previous post was at 18:30 ----------

Hi I too have thoughts like this, mine have been since I had our daughter 9 years ago.
I was on maternity leave and my husband came home from work and I just suddenly thought 'i don't love you anymore' then a second later I thought 'i wouldn't w to be without you'.
I felt sick to my stomach and couldn't eat all this since having a baby which seems to have messed with my brain.
Tried to get through it by myself but ended up going to dr went on to have CBT and also went on antidepressants and been on them since.
They have definitely saved my marriage/relationship.

[Pillow]

Hello

I am experiencing this too, and it frightens me so much. I think I could cope with any other thoughts that came my way, but not these, not about the most precious person in the world to me.

It is anxiety - every time I find a response to one thought another strikes up, but it is exhausting, and it feels like my one source of comfort - my relationship - is being dragged away from me.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.