Feeling so exhausted/high's & lows.

[yvonne_uk_98]

I to email the garden assistance women. Once i have internet up and running.

Virgin media says it was easy peasy just plug in and go. Well i do not have the white box to plug into. Need to wait until saturday for engineer.

Im taking it easy i have sore shoulder and arm. I have some muscle cream to help with the pain.

I need to invest in a recliner chair as this would help me greatly.

[yvonne_uk_98]

my son sorted my internet for me, my son told me to still allow the engineer to come and fix it properly.



I emailed the garden maintence, I'm on the waiting list for my garden to get done, the women called me today, let me know it is every 4 days the gardeners work, I will get done the next 4 days to come. plus she going to see if they will do my hedge first. she told me how things work. I would have to reapply next year.



at least that part is sorted. I received a letter from council housing about mobility to let me know that my application has been received, they will sit this month and let me know what happens next. here hoping the council will put me top priority.



I keep ya posted in how things go.



as for me, I have sore muscles on my right arm and my elbow to my hand is swollen, the dynamint cream is helping my arm wonders. plus the natrual oils in the dynamint cream are helping my cough, I not coughed as much, which is good.



I can use my hand today much better than the other two days, helps to exercise my hand too.



all thanks to the dynamint cream. I need to purchase a bigger bottle. well worth paying more for a bottle of cream that really helps and gentle to the skin.


I'm going to call the O.T on Wednesday and let her know that I going to need that ramp after all, since my right arm is causing me problems, I'll need the ramp to be able to get back in the close, as I will not be able to lean onmy right arm to come into the close. I think it will take a wee while before my arm goes back to normal.



I'll get there, no matter how emotional I get, I will get through this.



its just a night mare going to the bathroom, once I'm up, I'm not too bad, its getting up the first time using my sore arm. hurts. the rest of the time, I just use my left arm then I lean onmy leg from my sore arm.



I adjusting to it.

[yvonne_uk_98]

there are flats available in Langcraigs court up the road from me, wheelchair accessible, I got told because I have my son living with me ,I need a two, that not true I changed it a while ago. its not fair at all. life would be easier for me if they offered me a ground floor flat wheelchair accessible. i emailed them back and told them my son dont live with me. gosh how they get info so wrong. plus I sent them a copy of my report from the O.T. I going to phone them to see what info they have on me. I'm missing out because they have the wrong info on me.



gosh there's nothing I can do. saddens me this.


I phoned the O.T, she off on annual leave until 1 August, that no use.


I phoned my support worker she is going to phone and find out where I'm on the list at hanover and what my O.T. report does for me. I also told my support worker due to my muscles ceasing up on my arm, I been doing my best to strengthen my arm, on the way back in to the flat with help, I need help to lift my feet up each step. as I no longer have the strength to pull myself up, as I cannot lean on my right arm. will take time. I told my landlord, he suggestting to get that tempory ramp up for me to help. I heard that before off him, here hoping. Most High willing.


Most High willing I get offered one of those flats that is available.

[yvonne_uk_98]

my support worker phone me back yesterday to let me know we now have a name to contact hanover housing officer. that my O.T report puts me on the list to be offered a flat when a flat comes available.



plus I have the complex phone number, I phoned yesterday and left a message. I going to phone again to day. guess I just have to make a noise and pester them when there is wheelchair accessible flats available.



plus arrange to go and see the complex and ask If possible I could see a wheelchair assessible flat, this way I'll know if my wheelchair can get into the flat, if not, then I'll know to score that one off.



I keep ya'll posted, just felt that I was being ignored as usual.



I'm suppose to be going to Stranraer on Sunday coming, my daughter wants me to go without Ronnie, its alright for her to say leave him behind, I understand that, right now I dont have that energy to get into the car without Ronnie help. I dont think my daughter relises. Maybe we could arrange to go for a meal together, and Ronnie can go somewhere else that day to give me and my daughter time together. that would be better. I better say to her.



here hoping this she be alright with.

[KK77]

Have you any news from housing officer, Yvonne? You really are being made to wait and passed from pillar to post

Hope you've been well anyway.

[yvonne_uk_98]

Have you any news from housing officer, Yvonne? You really are being made to wait and passed from pillar to post

Hope you've been well anyway.

KK77,


The housing officer send me a copy of my housing application form, I need to phone her back to let her know were I would like to live.



I was checking Hanover website to see were they have sheltered and amentiy homes so that I can add and delete off my form.



I better look again and take note. I did take note but with all these things happening, I forgotten were I wrote it down.




my nephew is in Levendale hospital he very sucidal.


one of my friends has passed away. its just all happening at once.



I took my sister up to see her son last night, my sister is a worrier, and causing herself to become physically sick, it rubs off on everyone including myself. right now I dont need this, I give my sister my support, I canny be doing with my sister getting like that it is too much, I do understand why she getting like that.



When I dropped my sister back to her house, I felt the release of her not being in the car. I bought my dinner in, soon I could not stomach to eat it. I was still under the stress of it all.



its awful, I feel sorry for my sister. as a family we are going to share the visiting to see her son.



to try and take that pressure of my sister.


other than that I'm doing alright.

[yvonne_uk_98]

its been so hetic, my sister phones me every day, yesterday went pear shaped, I didnt get time to myself when my sister phoned, she was so upset, I comforted her and managed to boost her confidence back up to being positive. She went to visit her son, he told her he did not want to see her, this caused my sister to be heart broken. do not get me wrong, I love my sister, and would give her the time of day. when ya disabled and ya count on someone helping ya to move around, its not easy to just get up and get ready, put clothes on, go to the toilet etc.... that's what I mean spend time to myself.



I tried to tell her, your son knows what buttons to press, knows that would up set ya. need to become bit more tuff skined.



I mean when I did not get the time to do the things that I needed to do, I didnt get that. I'll just need to learn to tell my sister that I'll phone her back when I'm ready.

[yvonne_uk_98]

Gosh is all go, today my oldest son came to visit me, he is a careful driver, as he talks me through after he been out on his motorbike. today on the road home, going round the round about, his bike went from under him, he fell, and was sliding with his bike until it came to a stop. a women helped my son, he is alright thanks to his padding that he wears on his bike. the bike was alright too. All praises to the Most High.



I told my son to have a hot cup of tea to help calm his nervous.



first its my nephew in hosptial for being suicidal, then my son has an accident. Gosh I hope there be no more.



I'm staying in tomorrow, just going to rest, as I have my friends Funeral to go to on Tuesday.


gosh what a week so far.



guess we go through some tough times. my sister will be phoning me soon tonight. all I know that my youngest son went to visit her son today. my oldest Son I told him no visiting for him, he grounded until he is able, he thought that was funny.



oh well guess that's the way the cookie crumbles.

[yvonne_uk_98]

my support worker was up yesterday, we talked about things that keep coming up, she told me something must be triggering it to come up, so we explored is it something I'm thinking about, I talked about a game I'm playing, that not gonna trigger anything. then when we stopped to talk about what could trigger the past. then I remembered, I been have pelvic floor pain, that is what has triggered the past. When my granddad abused me as a child, that's one memory, its all connected together what I remembered. then when I was outside playing with friends, this is around 5 to 7 years old. I no recolation of what happen in those years, just snip bits of memory. I found out with my support worker I have no memory of primary 2. I remember going into primary 1 and remember half way through primary 3, half way through primary 4, I remember primary 5 through to 7.



those times where I have no memory off my granddad was abusing me. the 2nd memory I was with friends, I was asked a certain question, I knew were something went, when I should have not known that stuff at that age. my 3rd memory was when I was giving birth to my twins, the Midwife told me that I had thousand upon thousands of scars, I was the worst she had seen, she told me she is the nurse that checks 100's of women whom have been abused, gang raped, she was explaining to me that some of my scars were having children, boy friends. the majorty of them was abuse, she also told me, looks like the person whom abused me did it more than once in one day. I was shocked at that time, I wished at that time she said nothing. now it helps peice it all together. my next memory was my gran telling me that my granddad came to my mom's house and lived with us for 6 months at a time. gran says grandad lived with us for 6 months, home for 4 months back for 6 months. I now know what happened, it explains why it used to hurt. the times I have no memory of school is when granddad was abusing. that is why now and again my pelvic floor hurts and why I have this condition of not being able to walk far, its all had a very bad effect on me. though I had counselling for all of this. every now and then I get flash back. I think its to fill in the blanks that I have blocked out over the years.



I got through all this, came out a survior, I have faith in the Most High which helps me get through, and No More Panic has been a beautiful blessings and the friends I have met online have been fantastic, the support that I get from everyone on here, is totally amazing. Thank you everyone.



Most High willing I'll get out tomorrow. I'm going to go visit my nephew this Sunday Most High willing. it will be good to get out tomorrow, change of scenery.

---------- Post added at 23:40 ---------- Previous post was at 23:26 ----------

I'm sorry and Hope this does not upset anyone else. this helps me through the hurdle I'm going through, and manage to get through a bit at a time.

[yvonne_uk_98]

Received a phone call yesterday from Paisley South housing association about my application that I had sent in as my O.T. recommened that I be on their waiting list. due to the O.T. Report I'm at the top of their waiting list for a wheelchair accessible home. it can be a flat or a house they will make sure its all on the level for me. plus if they need to adapt anything like widen doors, put in a lift if its a house, walkin shower etc... they will do it. Now I know why my O.T. recommended them. plus they are putting me down for a 2 bedroom flat/house as I have a carer.



its really good they have a better housing policy than any other housing association and the council. its really good.



Plus I received a letter from the council I'm at the top of their list too, top priority for mobility. which is good. now they will not offer me houses and flats with stairs.



I jest need to chase up hanover with going to view them. to see if my wheelchair goes through their close doors.



today I'm resting, its my twins birthday today. I hope they two have a blessed day today.