How to move on from a relationship

[Kuatir]

Kuatir limbo is exactly what I used to describe my situation the other day when texting a friend. It's a perfect example of how I'm feeling.
I've given up trying to make the effort. Trying to compromise etc and you are right, if he cares he'll start talking.

It's tough, especially as you can remember the times he has been great, but people can and do move apart. A relationship needs effort from both sides to keep working. You have so much to work on yourself and the relationship, I think, is stopping you from doing that.

[KeeKee]

Terry yes I'd definitely say he sees himself as a single man, I don't believe he's seeing other women or anything as he doesn't seem interested in that, all he wants to do is spend every waking minute on his game. He starts work very early and still stays up until early hours playing his game, then when he does come here, he's dozing off so we don't even get to see him really anyway. No he didn't tell me about the house and you're right, he it's not like he's planning on coming back.
I know there could still be somebody out there for me, I'm sure on the surface I'd be able to meet somebody (I hate my looks etc but know I'm not ugly and not all men go just for looks anyway), it's just so hard to believe anybody will like me for me.
Then I'm worried people will accuse me of rushing into things if I did meet somebody, even though my relationship has been dead for years, we did kiss and cuddle and I could tell him anything, but it always felt one sided.
My last therapist said maybe I just haven't met anybody like me (friend or boyfriend) and when I do I might like myself more. I feel like an outsider, I have very odd tastes in music and TV, I think I've mentioned before I'm a massive fan of Linkin Park, however having went to one of their concerts I'm NOTHING like their regular fans. I even got called a chav. I just feel like I don't belong anywhere and honestly wish I could just meet a male version of me. However I know that it's still possible. I know there could be somebody just like me out there. It's finding them that's the hard part.

[Bigboyuk]

Thank you all for replying.

Bigboy a referral was mentioned at my appointment the other day but I'm not sure if it's in relation to my BDD or my relationship with my daughter as I mentioned that to my GP too.
As for benefits, it's because I've been told I'm fit for work by DWP and an currently appealing it. If I win the appeal I'll be fine, however if I lose I really won't be. I'm currently on JSA whilst I'm awaiting my appeal info then I can go back onto ESA temporarily.
I don't think he has any mental issues himself, he doesn't understand depression at all and used to tell me I was using it as an excuse etc. I don't know what he's upto, all I know is I've reached my limit. He has always been this way but not as severe, he's always given me the silent treatment whenever we've had an argument or relationship discussion. This usually turns into me getting frustrated which then kind of justifies his silent treatment with him claiming I'm purposefully trying to argue. He used to walk out on me if we had a proper argument, even when I was pregnant, when our daughter was a baby, when I used to work and we'd have an argument, he would take our daughter to his Mams and sleep there with her. He's never really give a crap about what I think.
I'm not bossy or anything but I've said a few things that I'm definitely not having him do and he does them anyway. They are things like, not getting another pet, which he did anyway and then told me I was a hypocrite for rehoming it (as i was left to look after it and couldn't handle the extra stress, we already have 3 cats) as I hate it when people get rid of their animals for silly things. So he got it against my wishes when I'd literally begged him not to, then made me feel really guilty for getting rid if it. It was absolutely adorable and I spent days crying afterwards because i felt like I'd abandoned it ha!
Yeah I'm going to get an item of clothing with each JSA, then if I do lose my money that's one less thing to worry about.

In that case you need to ask specifically what the referral is for Then that's one less thing
too worry about! Hey we all say things in the heat of the moment so no harm done there. Yes I too hate it when folk get rid of their pets like over shedding of hair things like that it's beggars belief. The other thing he has got you where he wants you and is using your daughter to pull at the heart strings iam afraid you know that I know that. You are moving on now which is good XX Cheers

[KeeKee]

Carnation I'm sorry you had to endure that and happy you got out. Yes this relationship is definitely going nowhere. My family have been saying it for years but I was hoping to prove them wrong. And the I don't want you, but don't want anybody else to have you has come up in conversation with a relative too so you could be right there. I know you've been reading my posts for a while, I really appreciate it and all the advice you have given me
Thank you for you kind words and yep, I do deserve more. This time I haven't been texting him (I do send the odd text but nothing that would indicate we're together), I've told him I'd collect our daughter from school so he didn't have to come etc and he hasn't seemed bothered, even though in the past I'd go crawling back to him after a day of silent treatment. I know deep down he isn't interested. It's just so hard to accept it and move on when we have shared all the things we have shared together. But that's life isn't it.

[Carnation]

I agree with that Kuatir.

What he is actually doing, is making you weak. :(

It's not like you are never going to see him anymore, because he is the father if your child, but yr mindset has to change and you have to stop putting your life on hold for him.
It is suffocating you and causing you vast smounts of depression.
I hate to think of you so sad like this and you have enough on your plate without this hanging ovet you like a black cloud.
In a way, he is in control and calling all the shots.
IMO, you need to start making your own decisions snd in return, he will have one big wake up call.
KeeKee, do you reslly want this scenario for the rest of your life?
As I said before, I sm hete and you have great support from others on here. x

[KeeKee]

Kuatir yes it definitely takes effort from both sides and for around 18 months to 2 years now it's felt like my partner was acting differently. Maybe he was giving up and I was too scared to see it. I also agree that the relationship could be preventing me from sorting my other issues out.

---------- Post added at 09:48 ---------- Previous post was at 09:46 ----------

Yes bigboy I've also seen things such as 'I'm starting work and won't have time for my cat', even though cats are solitary creatures anyway. Ours love a good stroke but spend most or their time asleep on their blankets.

[Carnation]

Why don't you join a 'Linkin Park Fan Club'.
You may meet someone through that. x

---------- Post added at 09:53 ---------- Previous post was at 09:50 ----------

KeeKee, you know I am the same about my appearance, we spoke before in great detail.
Well, what I sm saying is, I met someone else, just for me, like you said. x

[KeeKee]

Thanks again Carnation and I do believe he is (not necessarily on purpose) making me weak. I mentioned us moving on and meeting other people and he even said something like 'you never go out anyway' as if he was so sure I wouldn't meet anybody. The good thing is since August we have gone from him being here everyday, coming everywhere with us (when he wasn't working) and taking her to school everyday, to seeing him less and less as the weeks go by. So it's not like it's a massive shock to the system.
Even on Xmas eve we didn't see him until around 7 as he'd been out drinking the night before and spent the whole day in bed, even though we were meant to be spending the whole day together. By the time he came over my daughter wanted to go to bed and watch her Christmas dvd. He couldn't even put her first on Christmas Eve.
I guess guilt is making me feel worse maybe as I've always had issues with guilt. I need to realise I haven't really done anything wrong and it's my guilty nature making me feel this way.

[Bigboyuk]

Plus there is the http://www.nolongerlonley.com site you could take a look at too

[KeeKee]

Thanks again Carnation I'll look into that. It's probably as stereotypical as them calling me a chav (which I'm not) but I imagine all Linkin Park fans to be emos or head bangers. They're probably not really, just as I'm not a chav.

---------- Post added at 10:01 ---------- Previous post was at 09:57 ----------

I did a quick Google search bigboy and is that a dating site? I'm not quite ready for that yet. I'm going to first and foremost attempt to at least improve my self esteem and get myself into work, then hopefully things will start improving from there. I'm finding it hard to accept all the responsibilities I now have, I'll need to just get on with it but feels like I've been thrown into the deep end if I'm honest.