Getting signed off?

[Mashy]

Hi,

So it's been a loooong time since I've posted here, mostly because I've been better.

Long story short - had panic attacks/agaoraphobia for approx 15 years on and off. I'd have episodes where I wouldnt be able to leave the house for weeks at a time and crippled with anxiety, then I'd get better for a few months and so on.
Any way, I've now actually been better for about 3 years, mostly due to medication for a pituary tumour (dopamine). I still get the odd attack but it's usually isolated and short. Last September, as I felt better and finally felt I could be in a classroom with 30 other kids I started a PGCE. Before this I always did office jobs as things were easier if I had a panic attack.

Now I haven't had any panic attacks at school, but I've come to realise I really hate what I'm doing. I've actually felt really low since October now. I originally went to the docs in November after finding it really hard to not cry. My doctor suggested taking 2 weeks off. I refused as I didnt want to fall behind on my PGCE (even though at this point I knew I wasnt going to become a teacher).
I managed to get through to the end of the placement (with many tears) but I still don't feel right. I have no energy to do the things I want to do.Before half term (on my new placment)I was sent home one day because I could not stop crying and I've cried a few times in front of the kids, it's not good. My doctor said he didnt feel medication was appropriate when I saw him in November. I'm not even sure that I can take anti depressants with my medication anyway.

Last week has been half term, and I dont know where it went, I barely left the sofa. The one day I went to uni I had panic attacks for the first time in ages. My husband suggested I should go back to the GP and get signed off this time, use the time to relax properly without having to think about lesson plans or assignements, and look for another job (I'm on a bursary and we need it to live. Also I have a loan that I would need to pay part of immediately back if I was to drop out. I cant just quit).

As I'm sitting here writing this I'm meant to be lesson planning, but as soon as I even look at a book I just cry. I have a really supportive team at my school, and they seem to be feeling like they are making me cry, but it's not them it's me. Anyways do you think it's possible that I can just go and ask to be signed off? I'm worrying that the GP and the placement will think I'm just trying to get out of work as I haven't been to see him since November.

[wabbit1]

Hi Mashy

I understand what you're going through. I did my PGCE 8 years ago and I hated every minute of it. I'd decided I wasn't going to become a teacher but kept going with the course because, like you, I needed the money.

However once I qualified it was a lot better. I'm glad I stuck it out, so there can be light at the end of the tunnel.

I know you can't keep going the way you are but are you able to discuss with the uni about doing it over a longer period?

[Mashy]

To be honest I don't think so. Even when the pressure is off or I'm not being observed I just am not getting any enjoyment out of it. And I'm lucky to be in a lovely school with lovely supportive staff.

I just can't function, I'm gaining loads of weight and I couldn't even enjoy my week off for half term. If I do an NQT, it'll mean a paycut which I thought I'd be fine with but the extra pressure might just break me.

Also I really miss my old career- which I think is what is making so depressed on top of being stressed out. I still have no idea why I wanted to be teacher.

I feel even worse for the fact that my husband kept telling me I'd regret it when I was applying, and I was all like if anyone can do it it'll be me (I was know for getting one hell of a lot done in a day), and now yep I regret it.

I have my docs appt on Wednesday - but I'm going to see if I can bring it forward, I don't even know how I'm going to face going in tomorrow. I still have loads of marking to do for tomorrow as I was too exhausted during half term to get it done.

[wabbit1]

I think you know what you want to do, can you phone in sick tomorrow? It's not worth that much stress.

I was in the situation that I'd just got my undergrad so had no other career.

Do what you feel is the best. Try not to worry about what others may think.

xx

[Mashy]

I want to but I have marking that I need to give back. I really feel I just need to get through this one day. I only actually have 3 hours of teaching.

I just keep worrying that everyone thinks I'm slacking. I mean I just had half term - why would I need more time off? But I'm still behind with uni because I haven't been able to function. I just want a clean slate, at least until I can leave the course. Even if it's just one week without having to think about lesson planning or marking.

I was thinking earlier why even in jobs that I hated I never got to this point and it was because as much as I hated them, I always left work at work, so my mind always got a break.

There's a few girls on my course that have been really quite ill because of the stress of the PGCE yet they still keep going. Some of them just really enjoy teaching so it makes sense. I was actually having a chat with a friend over lunch a while ago who was telling me that to him, even though he hates the planning and all the work, teaching feels right. And that made even more sense as to why I should quit. It doesn't feel right to me - I keep wondering why I have to make up so many games, can't they just learn? or all the extensions, activities for EAL, all the stuff for PP. I just find myself getting annoyed with the extra challenges rather than embracing them. And I used to love challenges in my old career.

Anyway, better get back to marking :(

---------- Post added at 20:08 ---------- Previous post was at 20:07 ----------

PS : I love your username! Wabbit!

[wabbit1]

I feel your pain. Our half term started this weekend and it's only 2 days. I was off sick for 2 years up until last August, so believe me you are so not alone in this.

I suppose it's different because deep down I like teaching - on the whole - I have the same issues with the BS they add in. Kids sometimes need to just sit down, be quiet and work independently.

You're also right about leaving the work at work, you can never do that as a teacher. There's always something needing done, even during the holidays.

[MyNameIsTerry]

You can self sign initially. But any longer than that are you obviously need a FIT note from your GP so if you intend to be off longer, it would probably be best to get one from them.

Your GP will decide if they think it is in your best interests. They do tell people to stay in work if possible because they know long term absence can be hard for us too. But a short amount of time to try to get past current stress will likely be less of a worry to them.

Even if they said no, you can still self sign. If your employer was granted access to your medical records (only with your written permission to your GP) then if they recorded advising you to stay in and you self signed, they may ask why you did it. It wouldn't be a big issue, self signing is a very short period anyway..

It's best to tell your GP how you are feeling. Their concerns for your health go beyond your work after all. If you are able to get on top of things with a short absence, it's very likely they will be happy to do it and have you arrange an appointment later to monitor the situation.

Think about you. Your husband seems behind you. Do what's best for your health. Your employer isn't as bothered about your mental health, they just replace us so it's more important to consider your health as it's you who could be faced with any longer term impact of a relapse.

[wabbit1]

Hope today is going OK for you x

[Mashy]

Hope today is going OK for you x

Thanks, I ended up calling in sick. Couldn't sleep last night and I've just managed to crawl out of bed. Managed to get an urgent drs appt so just about to leave for that. I'm feeling so nauseous aswell which made me decide I'm best at home.


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[wabbit1]

I think you've made the right decision. Hope the doc appointment goes OK.