Difference between suicidal OCD and being really suicidal?

[mismashful2]

So, my anxiety journey started with HA. I had a huge fear of dying of a heart attack, stroke, intestinal problems,.. you named it, I feared it [smile]
That went away when university started again, and I had a lot of distraction.
At the end of the semester (when exams almost started) I was quite sad one evening, because my friends hadn't ask me to attend their NYE party. I thought 'well, suicide would be an option', and instead of letting the thought go, it FREAKED me out.
Then I got a fear of negative thoughts, for example when someone said 'you're worth nothing' on tv or something, I thought 'what if I would think I would be worth nothing, would I commit suicide then?' and then the thought 'you're worth nothing' started popping in my head. Ofcourse, followed by huge anxiety.
I have vacation at the moment, and my friends are all gone skiing (and so is my boyfriend) but I can't ski so I'm not there. Still, I went to the city to drink something with an old friend, and while being with that friend I thought 'you have no friends, you should commit suicide', and again, followed by huge anxiety. It's like, adrenalin pumping through my veins when I think this.
Now it's more like 'you should commit suicide because you will never get better', that keeps popping through my mind, again, followed by that huge rush of anxiety.
I just can't make up my mind. Am I actually suicidal? Even typing this gives me that weird rush. I also can't read the words 'suicide' or 'death' or something, that causes a lot of anxiety.
My boyfriend comes home tomorrow from his skiing trip, and I'm sooo looking forward to see him. He comes home late at night so his mom asked me to watch a movie in the evening, before he's there. But the thoughts are horrendous, now I think things like 'You won't be able to watch that movie, because you will have committed suicide by then', or 'when you won't enjoy that movie you'll feel depressed and miserable and then you will commit suicide'. Again, followed by that anxiety rush and not daring to move.
A lot of people (including my psychologist and psychiatrist) say: you're afraid of it, so you won't do it. But I'm confused, because I read on the internet that more than 90% of people who commit suicide were very anxious when they did it???
Should I go to the hospital? I'm at home with my dad so I'm not alone but I'm really worried???

[Catherine S]

If you think going to the hospital will put you in a safer environment than your home at the moment, then it might be better to go there, yes. You are obviously not in a very good place mentally at the moment if your recent posts are anything to go by, so that would be my advice to you.

Take care
ISB x

[MyNameIsTerry]

I would be wary about what you read on the Internet, especially when it is contradicting both a psychiatrist & psychologist about this.

Everything you have written points to intrusive thoughts and you are being treated for OCD according to various posts you've made. Intrusive thoughts are also found in depression yet your doctors have gone with an anxiety disorder instead so your symptoms must point more towards anxiety.

Every medical source I've ever read states that it's rare for someone to act on their intrusive thoughts. So, if that's the case how can that be reconciled with 90%? Are almost all those 90% cases where people are just anxious for whatever reason BUT NOT anxious for the reasons you are stating?

Suicide is about very severe people. Anxiety is experienced by many serious psychiatric conditions outside of anxiety disorders. That 90% could (very likely) include disorders where the person is not considered mentally competent.

[Brad10]

I went through this for like 2 weeks I was so scared I went to my doctor and said it was all my anxiety, still scares me I just don't obsess about it anymore I obsess about something else which isn't good either but it gets my mind off that ahah!