Hi NMP.
(I posted this first in the HA area but then discovered this dedicated area for heart problems)
This is my first post here about myself as this is an issue that bothers me the most - every single day, multiple times a day. This community seems great, I've just been reading over some of the posts and it's very comforting to hear similar stories! I will try to not rant too much but hopefully I can get some peace of mind from people suffering the same problems.
I'm 24 years old and have an issue regarding unwanted adrenaline triggered by hyper awareness, well at least I think that is the problem.
The earliest event I can recall is when I was around 15 years old I complained to my mum that my heartbeat felt irregular. I'm not sure why I was focusing on it but it seemed like I was getting a few fast beats followed by a normal steady beat. Obviously this worried her and myself so after seeing the GP I had an ECG which came back as "normal". I did have an irregular heartbeat but apparently it was not originating from the lower chambers and was apparently common for healthy people to have. As far as I can remember they just said that there was nothing to worry about and to try and keep my mind off it. (Easier said than done!)
Since then I have always had a vague awareness of my heart depending on how busy I am. I work in a studio so unfortunately I end up feeling my heart beat a lot throughout the day without meaning to (I can just feel it without touching with my hand). I keep myself very fit and healthy, I'm quite active and eat a great diet - mainly vegan but also including fish (no junk food at all). My problem never physically stops me from exercising or going out etc - in fact I am very social/active but it's ALWAYS on my mind even when I'm supposed to be enjoying myself.
This past year has been a little bit of an emotional roller coaster for me, I graduated from university with a first degree which had me very stressed in the run up to exams in order to pass the best I could. I went from this incredible high to two weeks afterwards a close family member suddenly passing away. This is the first close death I have experienced and I thought I would handle it better than I did. Instead, I discovered what a panic attack was for the first time and I experienced them multiple times in the following weeks. After learning some breathing techniques I am happy to say now those moments are now behind me now that I've accepted the loss of my family member and grieved properly.
One thing that hasn't changed is my awareness of my "irregular" heart, every time I become aware of it - I notice the rhythm changes, almost in fright. It will speed up when I think more about it - just like if I think about an upcoming event I'm not looking forward to I get the same adrenaline rush/sense of dread that sends my heart rhythm into chaos! I actually think that I have a normal heart rhythm UNTIL I go into manual mode where my mind messes up the normal rhythm it HAD - if this makes sense? For example when I wake up of a morning - it's amazing how regular it feels, it's so reassuring to feel - then seconds later I can feel drenched in adrenaline and boom it starts having to speed up to deal with my unnecessary fight or flight response that was triggered for no reason.
I absolutely hate feeling like this, I feel like I "run my body" in a different way to everybody else, I just wish that I could be on automatic that I didn't have to think about heart rhythms and breathing. I always envy my friends just going about their lives presumably not thinking about this kind of thing that I burden myself with. To top this, I occasionally get ectopic heartbeats, they strike out of absolutely nowhere - they started during my final year of university so I'm wondering if they are stress induced. I can be sitting relaxing watching a TV show, or working and boom! 1-3 three "missed" heartbeats followed by a big thud in my chest. More often than not these make me physically jump up out of my seat and make me start breathing hard as if that will reset my heart - I sometimes feel like I could be dying when it happens it's honestly the worst feeling I can describe. There was an awful time it happened on public transport, I had one ectopic which I clearly felt followed by 2/3 "struggling" beats that felt like half beats afterwards, I stood up and felt my face had gone red, then sat back down once it returned to normal - my heart was then racing, beating out of my chest... I have never experienced anything like this.
It all got a little to much for me last year and I ended up going to the GP again to see if anything had changed since my first heart check up I had. He found that I had a slight murmur whilst listening to my heart and agreed I could go for an ECG and Echocardiogram to put my mind at ease.
As expected these came back as normal and the lady doing my echo explained that she often had "girls my age" coming in worried about their heart when their heart structure is completely healthy. This made me gleam with joy and I thought to myself I just need to sort out this heart anxiety I have.
The annoying thing is my partner has even commented out of the blue on how my heart feels irregular when I have been relaxing watching a film with him. I am quite slim which makes it easy to feel and see if you happen to be lying close to my chest! These kinds of comments from your partner do not help my anxiety about the issue at all!
I don't tell my friends or family my huge anxiety about this as I feel like I am going crazy with it. I try my best to get on with my career but it's a constant grey cloud over my head. I am generally a happy person, very busy and very content with my life at the moment - it's not like I am depressed or genuinely worried about anything. I just seem to get these unwanted bursts of adrenaline that come from things as simple as thinking "oh my train stop is next" ... and then boom my heart is going in all sorts of crazy patterns.
If anybody could give me some advice or some coping strategies that have worked for you then that would really brighten up my day! I would love to never have to think about this.
Sorry for the essay also, I had to tell my story properly