My story/diary so far....

[AnxiousSince1998]

The rest of yesterday was good, minimal anxiety, but really tired in the afternoon.
Woke lots during the early morning today, and had loads of weird, vivid dreams. Feeling a little scattered and shakey on the inside this morning. Like when you get butterflies in your tummy before doing something out of the ordinary, but this is for no reason and thru my whole body. It's almost a feeling of guilt mixed with waiting for something to happen.

[AnxiousSince1998]

Shakes increased yesterday, when I found out an old friend was coming over for a quick Xmas beer. I have no idea why the build up increased so much. While he was over I settled down mostly, but still felt edgy.

Today I have had a better day. Even though I had a pretty broken sleep during the early hours. Was a little edgy whilst in the supermarket this morning, but pushed thru and got what I needed to. Rode around the park for about an hour and a half which was nice.
Christmas drinks are planned at our local pub tonight, and feeling a bit indecisive whether to go or not....
hope everyone is doing ok.
Jase.

[AnxiousSince1998]

So I did go out for drinks the other night, and still feeling hungover.... I spent the whole day in bed yesterday, shakey, on edgy, massive headache.... and still the same this morning. I know it was self inflicted because I probably had one drink too many, but just don't know how I am going to be able to deal with Christmas dinner this evening with the family, feeling the way I do. Right now I have internal tremors, shaking of my hands, butterflies throughout my body, hot rushes down my arms and chest, racing thoughts, nausea, sweats, dizziness, breathing is shallow, and the list goes on and on....
Sorry for my negative ramble, hoping a little ride in the park might do me good.
Everyone have a lovely Christmas.
Jase.

[AnxiousSince1998]

Hi guys, no change in the way I'm feeling.
Survived the family Christmas stuff, but was very reserved and on edge the whole time. Haven't slept well for a while now.
Went for a 2 hour ride around the park this morning, and tried to relax most of the day, but up and down with racing thoughts and anxiousness.
Right now I am getting really hot rushes in my chest, breaking out in bad sweats, racing thoughts of dying or having a stroke/heart attack, tight chest and head, shakes and feeling faint, weak and depressed.... really sick and tired of feeling this way, but as I'm laying here on my partners bed typing, I can feel everything ease down again. Will that be the last 'attack' tonight, coz I'm bloody exhausted....
Hopefully I can get a good nights rest and have something positive to say tomorrow.
Cheers, Jase.

[AnxiousSince1998]

Such a broken sleep last night, waking almost every hour....
Had the hot chest and arm rushes around 8-9am for a while then it came and went throughout the day.
Really sweaty at times, no appetite again, butterflies in my gut, tight chest, and lots of negative thoughts coming and going.... BUT I did have some moments where I could think straight for a few minutes and see myself happy. I guess it's just a matter of getting there again.
No one is home tonight, so hoping for a more relaxed sleep. Fingers crossed.
Jase.

[AnxiousSince1998]

Hey guys, I can't believe its been almost 2 months since i last posted.

Overall, things have been quite good (yay), no change in medication, and saw my psych the other day, who thinks i would benefit even more if i bumped up to 60mg prozac, but will give it another couple of months before doing so. No rush in this game i suppose.

I survived working my 32 days in a row, but did have some ups and downs leaving me completely exhausted to do anything other than work and sleep (they were 10-13 hour days). My poor girlfriend and myself found this period really hard to get through (not seeing each other much), so i felt quite guilty, but i guess in the end i did the most sensible thing for me, and rest whenever i could. I spoke to her on the phone everyday which helped.

Last night i went to the GNR concert here in Melbourne, and my even though my edginess built up, i was able to push it aside, and it turned out to be an awesome night. Who would've ever thought i would be able to sit in a crowd of 80,000+ people again. Really proud of myself. My friends and partner were so supportive in little ways probably without even knowing, which helped soon much, so i am very lucky to have them.

I have still been riding each day for about an hour, my appetite has been up and down, but better than a few months ago. Some other side effects still lingering is the heavy sweating, diarrhoea, and scattered feelings at times.... Motivation is still a little low most of the time, and still need to force myself to get moving....

Just trying to live in the moment and not let the past or future bother me.

Hope everyone is well, and i will try and post a little more often again.
Cheers, Jase

[AnxiousSince1998]

Hey guys, have had a good couple of days, and even managed to walk through a shopping centre the other day. I'll admit I was a little edgy, but pushed myself and walked around k.mart and a few other shops. I did notice the lights were prob the biggest disturbance and then the sounds of all the people. Quite proud of the way I went though.

Just about to go for my daily ride, it's a little overcast/fresh/windy out, so not much motivation, but will go none the less.

Have got 2 weeks work coming up interstate, and can see myself already anticipating the flight, but trying to just live in the now and not let it disturb me too much.

Some symptoms still lingering (but not extreme) are the shakes in my body and hands, going blank when talking and trying to describe something in detail, feeling vague and a little scattered in my thaughts, tiredness, and also still depressed at times for no real reason. These are a lot more subtle than previous months, but can escalate randomly day to day....

Take care guys,
Jase.

[Peachypips]

Hi Jase,
I've been following you with interest over the past couple of months and thought I'd say hello!

I have been taking Fluoxetine for 14 weeks with 6 of those on an increased dose of 40mg. I'm hoping this will be enough as I'm a small female!

Side effects at the moment include very early waking, diarrhoea, nausea, lack of appetite, muscle tension and joint pain. Also still have the jitters and my anxiety is still there.

I can't wait until 6 weeks time when I have been on the increased dose for 12 weeks. I'm sick of feeling rotten!

How many weeks have you been on 40mg now? Hope you are feeling ok and having a good day.

[Cazzam57]

Hello Peachypips and Jase,

I too have been reading Jase,s story with interest, along with every other post on here.
Needing to read good outcomes and stories from people going through the Prozac journey.
Im on 40 mg now i upped dose at 8 weeks in total been on prozac for 13 weeks, nausea has seemed worse since upping dose, dry retching. My throat feels full, runny nose. On the plus side i think the night tremors are improving, ive been taking less valium last two weeks! Im still depressed and im starting to wonder if im doing the right thing by continuing with prozac.
Do you both feel any improvement? I know there will be ups and downs with this, but id like more ups! How do you keep positive? Any tips?
I really hope we all get good results asap!
🐨

[AnxiousSince1998]

Hey guys, thanks for your comments.

I started 20mg Prozac on 21st June 2016, and then upped to 40mg on 10th September 2016, and im currently still on 40mg.

I can fully understand the horrible, scary side effect and emotions that you brave, strong people are going through, as you have read, I've been there, but just as a lot of other people write, it DOES get better. I still have the symptoms you guys describe, but it is dampened, and comes and goes. The depression is still there, but once again, it's dampened, and it's only when I dwell on it that it increases. I can honestly say that I am in a better mental state than I was this time last year, so I do believe the Prozac has helped.

I also questioned myself constantly if Prozac was right for me, but eventually started to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I forced myself out of my room, went riding each day, pushed myself to go to the supermarket, and it has made a difference. Although I can still feel lethargic and unmotivated at times, I try and concentrate on the now, which has been giving me the drive to get up and do stuff. Find yourself something that you can be passionate about.

I recently wrote that my psych wants to increase to 60mg, and I'm thinking that might be my magic dosage. I am not looking forward to all the side effects coming back, or that it will be harder to taper off from if I ever need to, but I guess that's the small price to pay for being able to 'live my life' and not be trapped and controlled by the darkness that anxiety is.

Please guys, keep in touch on here, as I found writing it all down and having other people's input helped so much. I didn't feel as alone, and saw that there are still kind, caring humans out there willing to help. Small things can make a huge difference to people like us I spose.

May I ask how long you both have battled anxiety?

Hoping each day brings you closer to happiness.

Jase.