Yes, I have had several moles that ticked all the right boxes for melanoma and came back fine (well, as moles with atypical but noncancerous cells).
The worst of these was irregularly shaped, multiple colors, with a red ring around it. You should have seen the derm's face when I pointed it out to him! It came back mildly atypical, and this was about 5 years ago now, with no growth in the scar, so I am confident the diagnosis was correct.
You are doing the best you can do. You are getting it checked.
it's unlikely to be melanoma but, if it is, you will deal with it!!!
My sister has had melanoma. She noticed it for 3 years before she could find a doctor willing to take it off. When it came back melanoma, it was still only stage 1! So, as with any other cancer, melanomas grow at their own rate and finding it after a few years of growth is not an automatic problem. My sister is healthy today, and this happened about 8 years ago.
So, take a deep breath. I know it is SO hard, especially when children are in the mix. But, the mole is what it is, and no worry is going to change that. If (and that is a big if) you find yourself with a diagnosis, you will take it from there and take advantage of all the advance in melanoma treatment that have arisen in the past 5 years!
It's very unlikely you have melanoma though!!! A dark mole isn't really a huge red flag.