pregnant, anxiety worse than ever, don't know what to do

[pulisa]

I would say that you did absolutely the right thing by coming off your meds when you did. You protected your potential developing foetus at a very vulnerable time when things can go wrong. You had a choice and you chose right in my opinion.

[vicky23]

So I've managed to miss this post entirely so I'm sending huge belated congratulations! It's wonderful to hear you're pregnant. Obviously I only know you through posts but I echo what Pulisa said I think you're going to be an amazing Mum


On the definitely not wonderful side I'm sorry you're struggling and having to deal with work and idiot Dr's. I don't have any advice other that what the lovely people have already given but sending lots of prayers and positive thoughts

Vicky

[swgrl09]

Pulisa - Thank you for your thoughts. I think I did the right thing too. I honestly felt pretty good for 8 months before I got pregnant and was not on meds. And I got through the crucial first trimester without them so, as the doctor said, no risk of birth defects now. Everything is formed just growing. So I think I did the right thing regardless. Maybe if I was in a different job it wouldn't have blown up so badly. But I can't change the decision I made and I don't regret it.

Vicky - Thank you for taking the time to read my posts and send your positive thoughts. It's so helpful and encouraging to hear that.

Terry - I know what you mean. It's tough to know when to come off and when to stay on. If I wasn't going to conceive, I would have stayed on. But there are conflicting studies all over the place and I did do research. I spoke with my doctor (not the doctor I saw yesterday), who said she was supportive of my decision and that if I ever changed my mind to let her know. I am certain the conversation would have gone better if I could have met with her instead of the doctor covering. He is a good OB/GYN but does not have the best professionalism. He did save my nephew's life when he was born so I am trying to at least tell myself he will be a good doctor if there is an emergency even if the personality sucks.

I felt a little like you - I was okay for a while off meds. I mean 8 months before I got pregnant and then the first 3 months of the pregnancy I felt okay so I thought I'd be able to manage. Then work got ridiculous, I had trouble sleeping due to anxiety and pregnancy, pressures built, and I think it was all just too much. I snapped.

Oddly it usually manifests as health anxiety but that hasn't so much been the case - probably because I have been at the doctors so much getting blood tests all the time. It's more obsessive about other worries... money, work, etc. Those are more pressing. I wonder if the work issue dies down that the HA will pop up a little. If so, I have to just go with it and not be surprised. But so far it hasn't really.

I actually slept well last night. I took the klonopin the doctor prescribed and felt it within a half hour. That, combined with only sleeping a half hour the past few days, was a recipe for success I guess.

[pulisa]

Really glad you got some restorative sleep. Work and money are playing on your mind at the moment but they will take second place once your daughter arrives!!

[swgrl09]

Yes, work and money definitely are playing on my mind. I have been battling back the anxious thoughts all day. Part of my plan with my therapist was to do some tasks around the house to distract me, as well as make sure I am eating 3 meals a day and getting more nutrition.

The thoughts were particularly rough, so I ended up cleaning a lot. Did yoga, cleaned the bathrooms, swept/mopped/vacuumed the floors, dusted, cleaned the kitchen, made a chili in the slow cooker for dinner, made myself a spinach wrap for lunch, walked the dog, and organized the clothes/threw out some that were old and ripped. That's the pro and con of my anxiety. It makes me quite productive, but when in overdrive, makes me lose it. I wonder if I should do a little less tomorrow or do something more mindful and calming. I still feel the thoughts going but am also tired.

I'm already thinking about how I will handle going back to work and that's over a week and a half away. I have to stay present-focused.

[pulisa]

I am like you in that at my most productive and super-efficient I am also at my most agitated and anxious and always working against the clock. It's my coping mechanism but not a very healthy way to live. Are you able to slow down a little or is it a question of keeping going in order to crowd out the thoughts? I suppose the increased dose of Lexapro will be causing you to be a bit more anxious at this stage too?

If you can slow down, pace yourself and give yourself a break without feeing the need to keep active I'd say do all you can to try this out.

[swgrl09]

Yes, I am the same exact way. Employers/coworkers are amazed at what I get done, but they don't realize I am a mess inside my head! I have to work on giving myself permission to slow down and not get everything done. The world will keep spinning.

Right now it's kind of a balancing act between staying distracted from my anxious thoughts but also being able to relax. Maybe I will try something different tomorrow ... getting a book from the library or watching a movie or something. That way I am slowing down but keeping my mind from wandering too much. I am sure the extra lexapro is revving me up as well.

[swgrl09]

I did sleep last night, but not as well. I woke up around 3 AM with a pain in my neck, then was awake thinking about finances. One of the skills my therapist suggested was counting, but that wasn't enough to distract me so this time I tried counting in 7s instead. It took a while, but at least held my focus better than just regular counting. Eventually I went back to sleep. I woke up a bit anxious today, stomach is a little sick.

Today is the big scan around 4 PM. 8 hours to go. I'm excited and nervous.

[pulisa]

I'm not surprised that you are anxious and unsettled. This scan is really important and significant. You will get to see your daughter but it's a thorough organ check so only natural to start ruminating on the what if's especially as you are going through a particularly bad time at the moment.

I do hope that come 4pm you will be given complete reassurance that all is well and that you will be able to enjoy watching your daughter on the screen in all her glory!! Are you having a 4D scan? They didn't exist in my day but I do have some grainy images of my daughter as a 6,7 and 8 week foetus which I show her from time to time!

[swgrl09]

I don't know if they do the 4D scan or not. I've seen pictures and video from others and it's really cool! The last scan wasn't, but that was the NT scan which was quick and only looking for a few very specific things that went well. Of course my calm husband is not worried at all, which helps, but I just want to make sure she is okay.

I get a little worried because I don't feel her yet that much. The doctor said that was okay at this point. At my last ultrasound they also said the placenta is in the front so it acts as extra cushioning and I might not feel her for a little longer than others. But I want to, it would give me a little reassurance that she is doing okay in there. It's been so surreal because other than the nausea, emotions, and stress, physically I don't really feel pregnant even though I am showing now. I'm guessing as I get bigger that will change.