Hello everyone,
I once registered here back in 2010 and had been about in 2010/2011. I suffered from panic attacks due to anxiety back then. I had successfully beat panic and have been managing fine apart from the constant stresses of life.
However, back came the panic again!!! I had a panic attack at the university of Friday 7th July. The talk at the time was boring and my mind wondered with worries. I left to go to toilet to calm down. I came back, fought down the feelings of panic that arisen and managed to be ok. So much so I stayed the rest of the days painting symposium. the other talks were far more interesting.
I've been feeling uneasy ever since. I faced another similar situation this Sunday gone. I went to a concert held at the town hall. Yep, i have panic rise. I just looked at my phone and fiddled about until it started to subside. Went through this twice. The second time the feeling were stubborn yet, I coped and stayed the whole hour and 10 minute concert without needing to get up and go. In fact after my stomach was doing flips I had another strange sensation. I soon recognised it was hunger and fancied something to eatSo, when I made my way home, I bought a chocolate bar. A celebration I suppose.
Reasons for this happening again?
1. We had to return our greyhound "Alfie" after 4 years. Mum couldn't cope with him. She hated the dog anyway and her hatred grew and grew. Dad was worried about Aflie hurting himself as he'd run around the place, bumping into things, lose control of his legs on the laminate floor in the hallway.
I was attached to Alfie and he used to sleep with me. Dad decided that he had to go back because of all his worries and mum not coping. However, we couldn't return him straight away as they grey hound rehoming kennels was overwhelmed. So, had to count each day with him, knowing that he'll be going back. Me and dad returned him.
I still feel deep guilt and sense of betraying Alfie, wondering Alfie is hurt of confused that we're not around anymore. I've learnt that Alfie has been rehomed which is great.
Then, i have a close friend who's been going out with this woman he was one of my friends originally. To cut a long nasty story short, she's been jealous of my friendship my close friend. Has tried all she can to drive me away; using his phone to send nasty texts, phoned me once and said nothing on the other end, then another time phoned and asked to speak to a random person. I don't see my friend much now as we're keeping a bit of a distance.
Yet, I'm a guarantee for a small loan he took out. Why did he take out a loan? He's paying the up keep for his flat and, and paying a large sum of rent to this so called girlfriend. Hence to reason for the loan. then, while he is paying off of the loan, he pays it late about about a day or two but, the loan company plagues me like hell because of this.
He's since moved out of her place (he was kind of living there) and told me that he isn't paying her no more rent. He's also got awarded PIP for his disability which is much more money than he was getting on DLA. So, looks like maybe, the loan thing won't be an issue and he said, you won't hear from them again as I can sort it automatically now that I have no extra rent to pay.
Sorry, for long post. This is a case of getting too involved in someone else's drama regardless whether they are a close friend or what. I'm keeping away from the drama as much as possible and trying to not worrying the guarantor I'm in. Then, there's grief over losing a dog and then, mum getting a new dog. A small pedigree dog which mum has always wanted. So, can imagine how hard it is for me. I'm helping wth the new dog and I do love him but this dog doesn't.... it's not the same bond. He doesn't even sleep in my room.
Sorry again this is so long. Just background to why I'm back to square 1 after 5 years of doing fine.
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I've been through this before though so, one positive thing is that it's more familiar to me than the first time around; that was horrendous. I'll still revisit the articles and such. I'm guessing I need a refresher. 
