A year ago today

[Partiedtoohard]

Today marks 1 year from the worst night of my life.
How I desperately would love to go back and slap my 30 year old self and tell him not to do what transpired that night. Stay the hell home.
Its been a long year, the first 3-4 months felt like forever.
I never was a big pot head, didn't really even buy the stuff, but I would partake if it was around. I had utterly no idea there was this problem with DP/DR that could happen, If I knew what I did now, I would run, and run fast.
The first week was a nightmare, I couldn't sleep, sweated, had my wife touch or rub me to make me feel alive. I put my fitbit HR tracker on just to make sure my heart was not beating too fast and I was having a heart attack.
My wife had problems with anxiety and panic attacks. I was foolish and didnt take them seriously, thought she should be able to control them better. I apologize to her every day about how wrong and sorry I am/was.
After finding some help online, I was able to put a name on what I had, which made me feel better. I was amazed at how MANY people got this stuff. I had no idea. It was calming to know that there was help out there. I started talking to people and reading the recovery sections at my old spot (dpselfhelp.com) Great! You CAN overcome this! looks like it takes about a little less than a year on average. I had a friend online that had the EXACT same symptoms as me, who was perfectly better at about a year.
6 months go by, no problem I got this, halfway there. I could sleep better, no anxiety, but I still feel "off" or "different". And I couldn't stop clearing my mind of what happened for more than 5-6 minutes. 7-8 months, tried to reassure myself to keep my head up. Coming up on the holidays, spend time with my family , kept occupied, still no anxiety but still cant get over that cured threshold.
And now here we are, one year. Definitely better than when I started, but I cant seem to get my mind away from thinking about what happened. I had about 2 or 3 moments where I went about an hour or so, and i completely forgot about everything, and I know I was fine. God I wish I could get there full time.
But, im no quitter. I refuse to let myself think im stuck here forever. I see people who recover after 2-3 even 20 years. I hopped over here because there was a bit too much negativity on my previous form. I am determined to get better, and then spend my time helping others too. I dont really have any anxiety , just that really big "off" or "weird" feeling. Maybe its a different form of anxiety, or PTSD.
Just wanted to share my story and hope you guys have a good Tuesday morning!

[Benisfked123]

I have the same Off/weird feeling. Have it 24/7! Great story btw. My anxiety disorder is also drug related.

[Partiedtoohard]

I have the same Off/weird feeling. Have it 24/7! Great story btw. My anxiety disorder is also drug related.

How long have you been like that for?

[viking111]

Hi!
I feel that most of DPDR community on the web haven't really completely understood it. It's not true what most posts about DPDR say that ''stop thinking about it and it will go away.'' That only works for certain people with episodical DPDR. People with chronic, such as me and you obviously need to do more than just that. At this time, It has been 1 month and 3 weeks since it started and at first it was really bad, but then it gradually came to this point, no anxiety, no stress, but feeling off and kinda sad about it.
Harris Harrington explained this as being stuck in this 70% recovered state is normal. The problem on why you cannot recover is that you haven't adressed underlying issues, such as childhood trauma. I really suggest you look into Harris Harrington's programme as it offers deep insight into what DPDR actually is. DPDR is not ''stress response that everyone gets when anxious''. While it is associated with it, not everyone who is stressed gets it. It is basically faulty response to anxiety due to childhood trauma most likely and needs to be dealt with. That is the main reason about reading 20 year recovery stories. Most people who have lived 20 years with this condition didn't even know what it was at first and only recently had realised what is actually is and what caused it.
So, for many people, not paying attention to it won't cure it. It does help, yes, but to fully cure it you must process and integrate past trauma. It takes work.
I am not trying to advertise or anything, but I am halfway in his programme and now I understand DPDR much more deeply and sometimes have these small moments of feeling kinda normal. It costs 100 bucks but I say it is worth it.

[Partiedtoohard]

Viking, Thank you for your input.
I have heard about this "childhood trauma" before, and it seems interesting.
From the best of my knowledge, I don't think I have had anything in the past when I was young that seemed to of traumatized me. My mother and father were divorced when I was young, and they argued a bit, but I don't think that would of done anything. I believe I have had a pretty great life so far, even being stuck in my head I still enjoy life as much as possible. I am curious to know more about this programme and for sure have an open mind, so I will read into it. I appreciate it.

[viking111]

Viking, Thank you for your input.
I have heard about this "childhood trauma" before, and it seems interesting.
From the best of my knowledge, I don't think I have had anything in the past when I was young that seemed to of traumatized me. My mother and father were divorced when I was young, and they argued a bit, but I don't think that would of done anything. I believe I have had a pretty great life so far, even being stuck in my head I still enjoy life as much as possible. I am curious to know more about this programme and for sure have an open mind, so I will read into it. I appreciate it.

Yeah, I pretty much didn't think of any past trauma either before I deeply looked into it and realised that my family was kinda different from a normal family. Your parents could have been great, but might have had a wrong family system that has caused you to develop disorganised attachment style without you even knowing.

[Lissa101]

I had chronic DP/DR for several months after a breakdown. I know its awful but its not the worst thing in the world (as I learned when I got tinnitus, but thats a whole different story....). Its a very profound and intense experience that can be very hard to let go of. The strangeness of it is perplexing and it has a way of making you give it power of yourself. But however unpleasant it is it really is harmless and does go away. For me, I got to the point where I was so, so fed up with it that I just decided to accept that I would always feel that way. Therefore, I might as well just live my life as best I can and sod the DP/DR. Thats what really done the trick for me, it slowly just faded in to background and went away.

I think vastly more people recover from this than don't and, although I def no expert, I am very skeptical about whether DP/DR is a disorde in its own right. For people with anxiety induced DP/DR treating anxiety and ignoring this symptom usually works.

Hope you feel better soon x

[Partiedtoohard]

I had chronic DP/DR for several months after a breakdown. I know its awful but its not the worst thing in the world (as I learned when I got tinnitus, but thats a whole different story....). Its a very profound and intense experience that can be very hard to let go of. The strangeness of it is perplexing and it has a way of making you give it power of yourself. But however unpleasant it is it really is harmless and does go away. For me, I got to the point where I was so, so fed up with it that I just decided to accept that I would always feel that way. Therefore, I might as well just live my life as best I can and sod the DP/DR. Thats what really done the trick for me, it slowly just faded in to background and went away.

I think vastly more people recover from this than don't and, although I def no expert, I am very skeptical about whether DP/DR is a disorde in its own right. For people with anxiety induced DP/DR treating anxiety and ignoring this symptom usually works.

Hope you feel better soon x

Lissa, thank you very much for your kind words. Funny you should say that, I had a "over it" moment on Friday. After realizing that I had it for a year now with no recovery, I got really upset. I was fed up with thinking about it. I felt that If I am going to be like this forever, I might as well make the best of it and live my life. That way when on my death bed when im old, I wont look back and see all the time I wasted thinking about how I felt instead of living my life.

Needless to say, my weekend was EXCELLENT. I still had thoughts of my disarray, but they were able to be quickly put into the back of my mind. I think im on the right track. Today , a little feeling of weirdness but I think thats just the stress of my job and Monday again.

How long did you have DP/DR in total and when were you completely recovered?

[viking111]

Lissa, thank you very much for your kind words. Funny you should say that, I had a "over it" moment on Friday. After realizing that I had it for a year now with no recovery, I got really upset. I was fed up with thinking about it. I felt that If I am going to be like this forever, I might as well make the best of it and live my life. That way when on my death bed when im old, I wont look back and see all the time I wasted thinking about how I felt instead of living my life.

Needless to say, my weekend was EXCELLENT. I still had thoughts of my disarray, but they were able to be quickly put into the back of my mind. I think im on the right track. Today , a little feeling of weirdness but I think thats just the stress of my job and Monday again.

How long did you have DP/DR in total and when were you completely recovered?

It's really good that you felt those moments and it does indicate that your brain is slowly rearranging chemicals. However, it still can take a lot of time to completely recover, but I am pretty sure it will get easier with time. Also, recovery is not linear process, so don't be upset if you get days that are worse.
It is also really good to write down your past problems as it strenghtens the brain and helps your DPDR go away.

[Lissa101]

Lissa, thank you very much for your kind words. Funny you should say that, I had a "over it" moment on Friday. After realizing that I had it for a year now with no recovery, I got really upset. I was fed up with thinking about it. I felt that If I am going to be like this forever, I might as well make the best of it and live my life. That way when on my death bed when im old, I wont look back and see all the time I wasted thinking about how I felt instead of living my life.

Needless to say, my weekend was EXCELLENT. I still had thoughts of my disarray, but they were able to be quickly put into the back of my mind. I think im on the right track. Today , a little feeling of weirdness but I think thats just the stress of my job and Monday again.

How long did you have DP/DR in total and when were you completely recovered?

I'm soo glad to hear that!

Don't worry about the periods of weirdness, just try to ignore them, attention just makes it worse - like the dissonance you get if you say a word over and over again. Plus it is Blue Monday the most depressing day of year so everyone is feeling rubbish according to the news..

I had really extreme DP/DR for about 3 months - to the point where I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror because the feelings of dissociation were so strong. Then it eased off slightly, but was still very bad and coupled with brain fog and fatigue, for I guess the next 6 months. I honestly can't tell you when I recovered because I just forgot about it. I'd say by 18 months I was back to normal. In fact I was better than normal because I'd started exercising to help with the DP/DR and was thinner and in better shape than I'd ever been.

I was so, so obsessed with this symptom that I know if I can get over it anyone can. In some of my old posts from 2013 I was asking the same question as you - 'Can I recover from DP/DR?'. I did and you will, I promise x