Am I suicidal?

[mismashful2]

It started a few weeks ago: My friend didn't ask me to attend to her NYE party and I felt really alone and isolated. I started to cry. A lot. For one moment I thought 'would I feel better if I were dead', and the thought FREAKED me out. Since then I keep thinking about it. Not that I want to die or that i feel worthless or something, just the word 'suicide'.

I'm mostly afraid that if I keep thinking about it, I'll eventually commit suicide. That if I keep being anxious that I'll do it. But I won't want to die, so I won't do it. It's just really weird.

[MyNameIsTerry]

It sounds like an intrusive thought. If so, it's rare for someone to act on them.

I would suggest reading about them so you understand how they work and what to do when they occur. The OCD board is mostly about them so it's worth a read what others are experiencing.

If you are feeling extremely low, it could be coupled with some depression and talking to your GP would be a good idea.

[mismashful2]

When I look up intrusive thougts it's more people hiding Knicks and stuff, because they're afraid they'll hurt themselves with those knives. But I'm like really afraid I'll commit suïcide if I keep on having these feelings. Everytime I think about it I get these huge rushes of anxiety.

[MyNameIsTerry]

They are a lot more diverse than that. Try this source:

https://www.ocduk.org/types-ocd

People have them about their relationships and whether they love their partners, heterosexual people worrying they are Homosexual despite never being attracted to the same sex and even vice versa, thoughts of harming yourself or others, mental illness fears typically like schizophrenia, sexual immoral themes, immoral thoughts about their religion, etc.

Obviously seeing your GP or talking to someone trained is a very good idea, especially if depressed, but it could be intrusive thoughts as opposed to something more.

[RosieBelle]

I know how you feel. When I first had severe anxiety I had a thought about suicide and it scared me so much that I fear getting those thoughts again. But like Terry said, they are just intrusive be thoughts. I've had anxiety and suicidal thoughts for 9 years and I'm still here, so they can be just intrusive thoughts. I know how scary it can be though.

[mismashful2]

It was better for a few weeks, but now it's back. My therapist says I'm not suicidal. And I don't think that I want to commit suicide. It's more like 'what if it ever gets so bad I want to commit suicide', as if I don't have control over myself

---------- Post added at 17:58 ---------- Previous post was at 16:07 ----------

I'm so scared, I don't know what to do

[RosieBelle]

Aww I know it's scary but it's just silly thoughts - intrusive thoughts that are not true so you don't have to listen to them. I know it's really hard, as I'm experiencing this at the moment too. But we gotta just accept that these thoughts are just thoughts and we don't need to pay attention to them.
I get exactly the same thought as you, but my support worker once told me that we CAN control our thoughts and control ourselves.
You're gonna be ok, as this will pass. Sending you

[mismashful2]

I'm just so afraad, because I read that suicidal people are very anxious ��

[bottleblond]

In my experience, when you experience intrusive thoughts, it's much better to distract rather that get in to all the in's and out's of it. They are just what it says on the tin - 'thoughts'. Thoughts float in and out of our heads 24/7 and the odd few may not be rational but they will not harm you. You were hurt and upset at the time and as humans we tend to think everything is our own fault so what do we do?, we go in to self destruct mode thinking the world would be better off without me but that's just not the case.

Please try not to be so hard on yourself!.

Lisa
xxx

[mismashful2]

In my experience, when you experience intrusive thoughts, it's much better to distract rather that get in to all the in's and out's of it. They are just what it says on the tin - 'thoughts'. Thoughts float in and out of our heads 24/7 and the odd few may not be rational but they will not harm you. You were hurt and upset at the time and as humans we tend to think everything is our own fault so what do we do?, we go in to self destruct mode thinking the world would be better off without me but that's just not the case.

Please try not to be so hard on yourself!.

Lisa
xxx

Yeah I know, but I'm having finals at the moment, which last until mid February, so.. Not so much distraction over here :(