My anxiety and depression were at their worst 2 years ago when my mother and sister died within 2 months of each other. My children wanted a dog at that time, and I thought it would be a good idea and perhaps would help me feel better. After 3 times of going to a shelter and then a breeder to select a dog/puppy, I was overcome with anxiety and backed out each time. The predominant feeling was intense fear. Mind you, I like dogs and owned one before I had children. So I know something about this. But the idea of getting a dog and all the work and training involved overwhelmed me. My kids were very disappointed, especially since I took them to the shelter with me and told them we were definitely getting a dog, but they recovered.
Fast forward to the present day, 2 years later. I felt I was ready now to get a puppy, off medications for a year, and feeling more like myself. But the moment I spoke to a breeder, simply to get info, all the symptoms came rushing back. Intense fear, feelings of being overwhelmed, crying, shortness of breath. I don't understand why I keep revisiting this subject when I know I end up in panic about it. It's become an obsession with me, and I feel I MUST do it, I don't know why. My kids don't even know I've been reconsidering. My husband wants a dog but admits he would be no help in looking after it because of his extremely long work days. I don't want a change in my life, I don't want more responsibility, but yet I do not want this to conquer me. I am a good mother, but I feel like a terrible disappointment of a mother at the same time because I am depriving my kids of the joy of a dog! I obsess over this every day, fear of doing it, fear of NOT doing it.
Of all the things I was depressed and anxious about since the death of my mom and sister, this is the only one that has lingered. I don't even know what to ask, I feel so foolish...