Hate health anxiety!!!

[crystal17]

Just that really. I was going to post this in the HA forum but didn't want to get distracted reading lots of thread titles that will just make it worse, so I hope it's ok to post it here.

I can't function today. I've not eaten or drank anything, I see the world going on as normal but I don't feel a part of it. I've been shaking, and can't relax, at all.

I have SO many health worries it's overwhelming, I always was a worrier but this particular aspect of anxiety came and went and a few years ago I really had it under control and accepted that maybe I wasn't about to drop.

Over the last 6 months or so it's all come back, I could think of 10 things right now that I fear I have and I'm pretty much convinced on all of them. Probably more if I went through my entire body from head to toe. To make it even worse I have a real fear of doctors, hospitals, tests...even the words 'scan', 'test', 'investigate' etc make my heart rate go up and I literally freeze.

When I tell someone one of my worries they say "Oh you should just go get it checked out" and I panic even more. It's getting there to get these tests done I can't physically do. It's an absolute nightmare So instead I'm left with my thoughts spinning around my head and planning for worst case scenarios. Then I get angry at myself for putting things off and think that if I'd only gone when I first noticed I could have saved myself.

Can anyone relate at all to this diatribe? I'm sorry it's so long I just have very few people I can talk to, I was discharged from CBT because I was ill and couldn't make 2 sessions and there is no decent free counselling local to me. I can't afford private.

[crystal17]

Don't care if I get no replies, just going to talk to myself. As it helps slightly to get my thoughts out somewhere. Been very anxious again all day today, I'm so worried I have something severely wrong with me. My thinking is: all these illnesses or diseases have to happen to someone in the world, why wouldn't it be me? Or someone I care about?

I hate this, 15 years ago my obsessions were about things 'out there', so asteroids, black holes, end of the world prophecies, war. I barely spend any time worrying about any of that now and it's all about health and myself. It's so self indulgent and I know I'm a joke to some people.

[Jebdog]

Hi Crystal,

A lot of people on these boards would agree with a lot of what you say. Thing is it's time to start challenging those intrusive health anxiety thoughts. You can seek reassurance from others but ultimately it's you thats in control.

Make the positive choice to label those thoughts as unfounded, irrational and unhelpful and move on to more useful tasks.

It's not easy, especially at first but you can regain control.

[crystal17]

Hi jebdog thank you for replying. You're right, I know it and I do actually know the best thing to do it's just sooo hard putting it into practise!

How do we know which thoughts are irrational and the anxiety 'speaking' and which ones are legit? This is what I have trouble with, and then throw in my fear of medical settings and tests and I'm a complete fuuck up

[Benisfked123]

I honestly can relate in ways, except I got my worries checked out as I just want to know I'm fine. what have you convinced yourself you've had? I've convinced myself I've got heart disease, brain tumour., my lungs collapsing soon. Basically all that good stuff

[crystal17]

How do you find the bravery needed to go get them checked out? I'm in awe of anyone who faces their fears like that, it seems impossible for me.

Oh god, sorry you're worried about all those things

I worried as well about a brain tumour for a very long time, I did eventually force myself to see a neurologist though as it was ruining my life. At the moment I'm scared of got some kind of whole body infection as a complication from the flu I had 2 weeks ago, I'm scared I've got cervical, uterine, ovarian cancer, basically any female cancers. Pelvic inflammatory disease, early onset dementia, heart failure, high blood pressure, diabetes type 2, liver failure, kidney problems, possible DVT, a heart rythym disorder, eye problems (not specific I just don't think they're right), hormone imbalances.

OMG it's ridiculous isn't it. Some of these I'm only slightly concerned about, others are ruling my thoughts day in day out. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, this fear.

[Jebdog]

I think no one is fond of medical setting or tests. So there is nothing unusual about that.

It's a tough question and depends on the severity of the symptom but as you've said most are health anxiety and you've identified that. Don't google and make the positive choice to move on with something useful and stop worrying. It's really difficult but possible with time.

---------- Post added at 22:20 ---------- Previous post was at 22:17 ----------

All of those you list seem quite irrational to me based off having the flu.

But it's no good me saying it. You need to acknowledge it to yourself and drum the message every time a thought pops up until it hits home.

[Benisfked123]

I think it's as I'm only 16 and I'm scared of having something terribly wrong with me, so I decided to get it all checked out. I had kidney failure when I was about 11 so I'm used to hospital settings etc. Just got to force yourself it will be worth it to find out you're okay!
Sorry to hear about your worries! I'm sure you'll get better. I found distracting myself is key to recovering

[crystal17]

You're right, googling is a bad road to go down and no good ever seems to come of it. So am making a conscious decision not to do that with most of those fears.

Oh they are not all based off the flu, some of them are from months ago, a couple are more recent but I think the death of two people I know who are my age over the past month has triggered me really badly. And then as silly as it is having the flu hasn't helped either, I've had to rest and stop doing the things I do every day so had no routine and too much time on my hands to think. I'm still not well from it now and can't force it but going to try to get back to normal tomorrow as I can't spend another day sitting and obsessing like this.

---------- Post added at 22:34 ---------- Previous post was at 22:29 ----------

I think it's as I'm only 16 and I'm scared of having something terribly wrong with me, so I decided to get it all checked out. I had kidney failure when I was about 11 so I'm used to hospital settings etc. Just got to force yourself it will be worth it to find out you're okay!
Sorry to hear about your worries! I'm sure you'll get better. I found distracting myself is key to recovering

Ah you're so young to be worrying like this, it's no fun is it! That must have been tough when you were 11 to go through something like that, I suppose it could go either way, being in hospital could give you a fear of them or make you used to them.

I have an appointment on Friday for one thing on the list lol, so am going to try to work through them.

Thanks so much for posting.

[Benisfked123]

No problem and good luck! Hope you get the answers you want