Hate health anxiety!!!

[GlassPinata]

Just that really. I was going to post this in the HA forum but didn't want to get distracted reading lots of thread titles that will just make it worse, so I hope it's ok to post it here.

I can't function today. I've not eaten or drank anything, I see the world going on as normal but I don't feel a part of it. I've been shaking, and can't relax, at all.

I have SO many health worries it's overwhelming, I always was a worrier but this particular aspect of anxiety came and went and a few years ago I really had it under control and accepted that maybe I wasn't about to drop.

Over the last 6 months or so it's all come back, I could think of 10 things right now that I fear I have and I'm pretty much convinced on all of them. Probably more if I went through my entire body from head to toe. To make it even worse I have a real fear of doctors, hospitals, tests...even the words 'scan', 'test', 'investigate' etc make my heart rate go up and I literally freeze.

When I tell someone one of my worries they say "Oh you should just go get it checked out" and I panic even more. It's getting there to get these tests done I can't physically do. It's an absolute nightmare So instead I'm left with my thoughts spinning around my head and planning for worst case scenarios. Then I get angry at myself for putting things off and think that if I'd only gone when I first noticed I could have saved myself.

Can anyone relate at all to this diatribe? I'm sorry it's so long I just have very few people I can talk to, I was discharged from CBT because I was ill and couldn't make 2 sessions and there is no decent free counselling local to me. I can't afford private.

I feel that way too, some days.
It's like, "How many f@cking types of cancer can one person have, because I'm pretty sure I've got all of them, plus AIDS."
Then I try to look at it from a realistic perspective: I'm 44, objectively in perfect health, have never had a serious health issue.
But that's how things look from the outside. From in here, from inside my own head... every part of me shows symptoms of some disease, most of them terminal.
I hate health anxiety. I am right there with you. It has certainly stolen the best years of my life.

Sometimes I wish I could go back and visit my younger self, twenty years ago, and say, "Quit wasting your life on this! You aren't sick! Everything you're worried about is going to turn out to be nothing, and you're going to miss all the fun because of this anxiety!"

But then I'd have to add: "Look! Here you are, twenty years later, and not a bit better. Worried about the same old things, plus some new ones. Still healthy, but still miserable, wasting time, and missing all the fun."

:(

It's hard when you know the answer, but are absolutely unable to apply it to your own life.

[crystal17]

It's like, "How many f@cking types of cancer can one person have, because I'm pretty sure I've got all of them, plus AIDS."

That really made me smile because I can relate to that exact sentence

It's true all you say, from the outside people must think we're not quite right for focusing on all these seemingly invisible issues. But in our heads it's so real!

I know what you mean, if we could go back to us in our twenties we could say, "Look you're actually ok, don't waste any more time on this worry!" then we would, and it would be good to get into that mindset now.

It is hard to force your brain to be a certain way though, and yes I'm the same and know how I'd be to someone I knew who was like this and would look at it logically. As always, we are often too close to see it objectively.

We just have to keep going somehow.

[crystal17]

Just writing for my own records really so I can keep track of how I'm feeling. I couldn't sleep last night for worrying that something awful was going to happen. I never used to care what my temperature was but this is a new one since having flu, I'm constantly checking just by feeling my face and head. Our thermometer has broken and I'm not buying a new one because I know what I'll be like, but it's like I've become obsessed by it.

I'm constantly analysing major areas of my body for signs that it's ok, or not. Wish I could speak to someone about this but I don't have anyone that I want to put this on, the kind of listening I really need is not fair to ask of family or the couple of friends I have.

This is no life at all, it's a constant state of 'emergency' in my brain and it's exhausting and I'm frightened and sick of it :( I can barely remember when life used to be fun, but I know it used to be and would love just one day of that emotional freedom.

[NoraB]

When I tell someone one of my worries they say "Oh you should just go get it checked out" and I panic even more. It's getting there to get these tests done I can't physically do. It's an absolute nightmare So instead I'm left with my thoughts spinning around my head and planning for worst case scenarios. Then I get angry at myself for putting things off and think that if I'd only gone when I first noticed I could have saved myself.

Thing is, getting stuff checked out is the only way to give you reassurance as long as you accept the diagnosis of anxiety.

Can anyone relate at all to this diatribe? I'm sorry it's so long I just have very few people I can talk to, I was discharged from CBT because I was ill and couldn't make 2 sessions and there is no decent free counselling local to me. I can't afford private.

I had my last bout of CBT via the phone. It's worth asking if phone CBT is an option.

[crystal17]

Thing is, getting stuff checked out is the only way to give you reassurance as long as you accept the diagnosis of anxiety.



I had my last bout of CBT via the phone. It's worth asking if phone CBT is an option.

Hi Nora sorry I've only just logged in and seen this. Thank you I'm going on Monday so will ask Dr for this option, many thanks

[crystal17]

Just updating for myself to look back on, anxiety has taken a bad turn and I've had some quite extreme emotions and reactions to things regarding my son. Feel like I can't be bothered anymore to think as thinking is too exhausting.

Went to GP yesterday, she has given me diazepam just a few to get me through this time. Also been re-referred to CBT so pleased about that.

I took a diazepam and slept for 3 hours this afternoon, just wanted to zone out and forget the world, feel like I'm happy to never speak to another person again. Have stopped shaking which is good, as that was making me believe I had yet ANOTHER illness, it's too exhausting.

Need a break from my stupid brain.

[crystal17]

Scared tonight, wish this would stop ffs :( :( :( :( If it's not me I'm worrying about it's my son.

[roseanxiety]

Crystal, I can totally relate to your fear of tests, scans etc. I have the same fear. I think I have all these serious illnesses and I can't bring myself to go to the dr for anything. I am literally TERRIFIED.

[GlassPinata]

Crystal, I can totally relate to your fear of tests, scans etc. I have the same fear. I think I have all these serious illnesses and I can't bring myself to go to the dr for anything. I am literally TERRIFIED.

Me too. :(

[crystal17]

Crystal, I can totally relate to your fear of tests, scans etc. I have the same fear. I think I have all these serious illnesses and I can't bring myself to go to the dr for anything. I am literally TERRIFIED.

Me too. :(

Glad I'm not the only one feeling like this. Well not glad but you know what I mean...less alone. It's a never ending cycle of despair in the pit of your stomach isn't it.

I really really need someone to talk to today - am in a very bad place and so worried about my son.

Is it normal with anxiety to be told one thing by a doctor but then start to doubt it and feel like they might have missed something? It's just I know that does actually happen, it's not like it's pure fiction. The NHS is overstretched and seemed so chaotic at an appointment my son had, I'm sure she just wanted to get rid of us. Am I being incredibly dismissive and rude saying that? If so I am just overwhlemed with panic and can't think straight

Am having very dark thoughts today, don't want to keep going like this it is no life.

---------- Post added at 11:49 ---------- Previous post was at 11:02 ----------

Please anyone..can anyone say ANYTHING to me? Not felt this bad in a while.

---------- Post added at 11:50 ---------- Previous post was at 11:49 ----------

Even just to tell me what you're doing today..I don't want to share this all with people I know, they are sick of me.