Originally Posted by
Caribou93
Oh, I honestly don't know why I even bother anymore. You know the old saying someone always has it worse, I find that very hard to believe.
I have had health anxiety nearly my entire life - as far back as I can remember - panicking about that 24/7. I have had major social anxiety since I started 6th grade, and now it's turned me into someone who literally hates every single person I come into contact with. I am constantly stressed about school and all of the debt I have been accruing over the last 3 years and it continues to get larger. I had someone steal my credit card number, so that will literally haunt me the rest of my life, constantly worrying about something else going wrong or someone else destroying my life. I have a dysfunctional and horrible family. My father constantly belittled me when I was growing up, my brother tortured me relentlessly with constant name calling and excessive mental bullying. My sisters were no better either, and they would also always just gang up on me, but when I wanted help, I was always just being dramatic, and my siblings were somehow the victims.
Then I would go to school and have to hear it there too. For some reason, almost every single person found joy in making me feel awful. I cannot tell you how many times I just wanted to throw in the towel in high school because of it - people not only didn't like me - they absolutely hated me. People thought I was gay and they would just hammer me with jokes and ridicule. I would go home nearly everyday after school and just cry because I didn't know why they liked making me feel this way. I am constantly worrying about my health, I'm overwhelmed with school, I worry about someone using my card again or something else, and combine all of that with my 24/7 panicking, and it is just too much for me anymore.
I have the mentality of saying "just go one more day, who knows, maybe you'll be better tomorrow." I have been saying that for almost 10 years now and it isn't any better. I seriously wish I didn't feel this way, and I'm just tired of it all. Sorry for the long post, I just needed to say all of this.