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Thread: How we view 'The End'

  1. #1
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    How we view 'The End'

    i think that one of the main differences between anxious/ depressed people and healthy people is how we view death.

    Healthy people either accept it: 'When your time's up, your time's up' or are in denial about it 'It'll never happen to me', 'I'm only in my twenties, death's another 50-odd years away yet, nothing to worry about'. I used to believe that by the time I was in my 50s or 60s that cancer and aids and other killer diseases would have been cured and I could go on forever if i chose to!!

    Being depressed and anxious I think about it everyday now. There have been people not that much older than me at work who have died and there always seems to be death in the news and you suddenly feel like 'Christ! I'm not guaranteed 75 years, anything could kill me at any time'.

    I suppose it has been a wake up call to me because I used to let depression rule me to the point where I was paralysed with fear and I wouldn't go out and do new things. I'd sit at home watching tv all day. My diet was terrible too and I used to do drugs.

    The realisation that my time is limited has sparked a sense of urgency in me. I have gone a little too far with it though and I can't sit down and relax because I feel that I'm wasting time with so much to do. It's also spurred me into facing my fears and the things that I always planned to do in later life, when I'll be more confident.

    I did have a CBT therapist and she was right when she said that "the DOING comes first and then the CONFIDENCE will follow"

    Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.

  2. #2
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    Hi Wish,

    I've felt this too. People around me think like you mentioned, but I think about it alot and think how there's so much I want to do and lifes passing me by. I've also thought anything could kill me, I might not live to be old. It scares me. But it also makes me feel more determined to get better and do things.

    Take Care,

    Heather

  3. #3
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    hi there,

    I agree completely with you, ive always tried to look at death in the way that "healthy" people do, but i just cant do it and when i tell people about my fears of dying and illness they just tell me to stop being so stupid and tell me that im too young or it will never happen to me and even when people tell me that it doesnt reassure me and it still makes me worry that it could happen, but when a healthy person askes or whatnot someone will tell them not to be so stupid or it wont happen to them and thats all the reassurance you need.

    But no matter how hard you try or how far you go you can never get reassurance on your life, because nobody can predict the future and thats the scary part.

  4. #4
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    This is a really interesting thread. I have always felt that people who are stressed or anxious (especially about their health) are quite thoughtful people. By thoughtful, I mean that they think more in depth than a lot of other people. (Although I'm sure they are also thoughtful in the other sense of the word too!!)

    I'm an artist by trade and find that I do think a lot, about work, ideas, possibilities and projects. But this introspective way of thinking spills over into my anxiety which causes me no end of hassle.



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  5. #5
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    I so agree with you on this. I have lived most of my life with the "what if" scenario and even when my children were little protected them like a hawk, preventing them from doing things, scared they would get hurt. I so regret that. I have a strong faith and yet I am still afraid of death! Why? I just can't answer that question? The only thing I have come up with is leaving those that I love behind. It isn't where I think I'm going to that I'm afraid of. As I am much older than you, I only hope that you continue on this journey that you are now on to do new things even if you are afraid and not let fear rule your life as I have. As I am now realizing (and we all know it deep down) we only have one life to live.

    Bel

  6. #6
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    Dan,

    i think we do put alot of thought into this when i think about it its all i can think about and my mind spirals out of control, i call it the waiting game, sometimes i get quite bad and think whats the point i have no control, sometimes ive even thought of taking control myself instead of playing the waiting game, i hate it, i cant look to far to the future because i might not be around, even when i booked my holiday i thought about what if i didnt make it too that (that was only 2 months away at the time!!)
    They are really scary thoughts and thats why nightime is better for me because i just sit there and smile before i go to sleep because i know ive made it through the day alive and thats why i hate mornings incase its my last, silly i know but i cant help it and i cant understand why other prople dont think about this because i dont see it as a form of anxiety because you cant control it.

    JO

  7. #7
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    There are 2 big things that really scare me: death and the world.

    I worry that maybe I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing with my life and I'm wasting so much time. I have felt like life is laid out for me and I have a predetermined end- it felt like fast forwarding through my life. I have worried that 'what will I do if i get this illness or that illness', 'how will I cope if I'm told that I'm terminally ill?' I brace myself every time my phone goes or i get home to be told that someone has died.

    The world scares me because it's so big and it's spinning round. what if it stops spinning round? what if the sun goes out? i can be walking or driving and I'll start to feel panicky because there is so much world all around me, there is thousands of miles of earth under my feet and maybe even someone stood on the very opposite side of the world to me. Sometimes I just feel like running or grabbing hold of a tree or something. I'm terrible when I'm driving somewhere because I think that I'm going 'up' the world and I could fall backwards or 'down' the world and i could fall head first!!! i also think about how much water there is.

    I'm trying to get over it by imagining the world as a kids' programme version of the world with huge oversized cars (the sort with Noddy in).

    When I feel panicky I try and imagine myself as Homer Simpson, with that little dance he does when he's in trouble (shaking his hands)

    Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.

  8. #8
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    southern belle, i live with the 'what if' syndrome when it comes to my kids. i cant even watch my son go up a slide in case he falls. i get an imagine in my head of them dying in front of me, before they even do anything.
    when it comes to myself and death? im not scared and i dont freak out about it..if anything im the oposite. i will find myself thinking about death quite often and in a matter of fact sort of way. i imagine what its like to die, or how i will die, or kids dying, or parents dying. in fact i rarely slept last night as i had the sudden realisation that my mother would die one day! myself dying doesnt scare me..losing my kids terrifies me. sometimes i even picture them dying and go thru the motions of how id feel and end up in floods of tears.
    my ex is dying and each time he talks about himself after he dies, i change the subject.
    i feel like im a human time bomb and one day i shall got nutty or have a complete melt down

  9. #9
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    hiya

    I agree with you there, i have always had a obsessive view on death and would sit there as a kid and try and think of nothink because i belived that is what would happen ..you would die and that was it over...blank..nothink...anyway when i used to think of this i just couldnt think blank...
    Horrible it was..certinley didnt help me going to my grandads funeral at 6..what was my parents thinking of..this is very morbid but i can see myself at the grave looking in to the hole where my grandad was buired seeing his coffin ... and i was giving some flowers to throw on top of the coffin..
    My mum and dad didnt relise what that did to me, bless em.. but they didnt.. it made me more fearful than i already was as a kid.. from that point onwards the death thing plagued me to this very day.. and then oviously on the way other people died that i loved .. like we all half in life ..my story is big when it comes to death ..so i wont go onto to much love..but all i know is that yes i have always had this obsession with death.
    I just wish i didnt have to go alone... bet someone here thinks that way, however that wouldnt be very nice to take someone else with us now would it.. selfish cow arnt i.
    I do now belive that we go to heaven and that we have friends and relatives waiting for us now.. and as a christain i belive the first man we meet is god.. this makes it feel better for when the day comes, and i pray not yet huh, for any of us.
    I still have an obession with it, and wonder how i will ever get my head round the fact that one day we do all have to die.. scary though ..man who started this topic lol.
    You are certinley not the only one to think on this topic, as you can see love, but all i can say is ...you are not going any where yet love.. and that we should all try and enjoy our life to the fullest while we are on this planet.. and to stop worrying about ourselfs and everything..but then love thats easyier said than done isnt it huh..

    love ashley

  10. #10
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    well for me its a the great Robbie Williams says "im not scared of dying i just dont want to" but i spend so much time obsessing about not dying that im not living either so that cant be righ. Its true that cbt is the way forward to change the way we think about things and get rid of the old automatic thought processesbut i sure do wish there was just a switch that we could flick or it was like changing a light bulb...never mind...on with the worrying

    I just want my life back
    nell
    x

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