1 doctor down, 2 to go...trying to get over my intense fear of going to the doctor...

[artist12]

I've been avoiding doctors for several years now. Everyone always stereotypes HA sufferers as constantly doctor shopping and in and out of medical offices, but I feel at the opposite end of the spectrum. I'd rather almost risk actually letting an illness go undiagnosed than go to the doctor and get it checked out.

On the rare occasions when I have had to go see I doctor it's all I can do to keep myself together from having a full blown panic attack. As it is I get a rash on my chest and my vitals get really elevated just from being in a medical office. I had a spider bite earlier in the year, had to go to urgent care and the highly insensitive doctor there told me if I my pulse/blood pressure didn't go down he would have to send me to the hospital, so I needed to sit in the room for a while and calm down. WHO does that AFTER you tell them you have health anxiety?

Just went to the dermatologist today for a mole check that I'd been putting off for a year. All was fine. One under the belt and feeling very proud of my little milestone!

Now onto scheduling the OB-GYN as I haven't had an annual exam in about 5 years. Dreading it, convinced I've let it go and have cervical cancer now because I had one abnormal pap when I was about 20. I WILL make the appointment tomorrow. No excuses.

I also let my Sertraline prescription run out because I was too afraid to go back to my GP for the annual check up so I slowly weaned myself off of it (this is the epitome of stupid, I know...but guess that's how deep the fear avoidance runs) I was afraid since I've gained some weight that he'd want to do labs and discover diabetes.

I just want to get over the intense physical fear I have when in doctor's offices! It's so frustrating on top of HA.

[MyNameIsTerry]

What do you think it is that induces this fear? Is it the fear the doctor will send you for tests and put you into a spiral? Or that he/she may confirm you have something actually to worry about? Or sitting there waiting? Or fear of losing control in there (reception or further in the building with the doctor)?

I'm not a HAer but going to the doctor was an issue for me for ages. For one, it forces you to confront a problem with mental health and that can mean pressure. It can feel like what is in your head is becoming physical by the doctor saying it needs treatment.

As far as the Sert withdrawal goes, I can understand it. When I first when through all this I had a bad experience with sports supplements (took something too strong for me) and it brought on an adrenaline rush. From there I stopped even taking my asthma meds because my anxiety was higher and these meds bring on the jitters. The result being a mild asthma attack and having to expose myself to the feelings of these meds. But I was so stuck over meds/supps that I wouldn't take a paracetamol or even a vitamin C (and you can't get more safe that vit C!)

[au Lait]

Congrats on working on over coming your fear! Taking the first step and going to the derm is great. That’s how to beat the anxiety demon, one milestone at a time.

[artist12]

What do you think it is that induces this fear? Is it the fear the doctor will send you for tests and put you into a spiral? Or that he/she may confirm you have something actually to worry about? Or sitting there waiting? Or fear of losing control in there (reception or further in the building with the doctor)?

It's a great question. I think mostly I worry that they will confirm something is wrong with me, and that I will have waited so long to go to the doctor because of my fears that it won't be curable any more.

Also, the fear that I will pick up on something that they say, or the way they say it, and find some hidden meaning in it, and then I won't trust them. Example - if a doctor in any way appears to me to be deep in thought or is thinking through something out loud...that's it, game over.

That sounds pretty nuts now that I've typed it out.

Glad to hear someone else understands about the meds, too.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Thanks for clearing that up. And it's true what you said about HAers being stereotyped as reassurance-seeking with doctors but there are others like you on here alone that are too afraid to see doctors for various reasons. I can think of 3 people without giving it much thought.

What you can do is tell your doctor how you feel. They do their best (most of them) to be careful how they talk to patients but as a GP I guess they are dealing with a lot of things which are "everyday" to them and non HAers so they won't be on guard over their body language as much as a hospital doctor likely is.

If you doctor understands the nature of your anxiety is going to look for subtle clues, whether logical, rational or the unfounded, then they can be more careful with how they talk to you.

It may sounds a bit nuts because by not aking action you encourage situations to worsen. I don't say that to trigger, apologies if it does, but you know what I mean. To a doctor it will seem irrational, although they will be sooooo used to this as many non anxious people go to doctors when they have no other choice and much to a doctors annoyance at times, but knowing how anxiety works they will also know it can be hard for patients to even talk about their mental health for many reasons. It can be very hard to take the first step to get help and then to keep it going. There can be a lot of moments with anxiety where you don't feel you can take any more. And the nature of the beast is to protect us from threats and a big part of that is avoidance (I've done tons of this).

But even if you did have something, that doesn't mean you are fated to follow it all the way. And anything really bad, you would know about as you would be getting increasingly ill up to the point where getting help becomes something you can't put off or an emergency occurs. So, the odds are on your side that delays aren't harming you surely?

As for the issue of fear of getting worst news, again not doing something means you get ill until it's out of your hands. If you can say you aren't that ill, the odds are on your side that you are healthy.

It can be a matter of exposure with these things. The more you go, the more you can feel at ease. It's not easy and it can take a long time for some as whilst anxiety reduces it still lingers on this trigger because it's a big trigger or fundamental issue in your anxiety. But the more you avoid it, the opposite occurs; it gets reinforced as a big issue.

But that doesn't mean you have to force yourself to go at it all in one go. Some can, some can't tolerate the anxiety from it. Using something like an ERP strategy it could mean steps leading up to getting into that room with the doctor e.g. spend time outside the surgery, spend time sitting in the waiting room (receptionists will hopefully be fine with it, one lady on here did just this and the staff were very understanding), then getting into seeing the doctor towards the end.

Sadly with all exposure, expect anxiety. It will heighten but it drops off after so many minutes (typically 20-30, just like a panic attack cycle) and then your body gets used to being less anxious in such a situation. If a step is too much for you, step back and insert a "stepping stone" to get to it via something not as hard.

One of the coordinators at the charity walk-ins I used to go to did just this to even get into the walk-ins when he joined. He spent six months building up from sitting outside in te car afraid to sitting in reception (the staff were very considerate) and finally getting through the door and into the room.

I did the same with supermarkets. Build up the time spent in places. It can be a slow burn though if your anxiety is high.

[Blonde123]

Hi Artist. Im very similar to you, although I'm a nurse I feel stupid to think I'm scarred of going to see my own Gp. I'm frightened for the exact same reasons you have mentioned, the fear of being diagnosed with the one thing I was worrying about and all the tests and procedures which might followed. I also know that a lot of Drs can be judgemental and flippant in their responses and also that HA fear of how can this be anxiety when I have XYZ symptom. I cant remember the last time I visited my GP, to be honest, as far as my anxiety goes I haven't visited since I first started with it over 6 years ago. I had CBT, it helped and I enjoyed talking to someone, other than that every symptoms I had following that I just got on with and it eventually disappeared. My fear is that eventually it wont go away and I will have to go to the Drs and potentially be diagnosed with something. Like someone else on here said, Im 42 so statistically as we get older there will always be some disease waiting to get us. But like Fishmanpa says, its not X until someone says it is!

[Weasley123]

I’m exactly he same. 4 years during a bad ha spiral I went to drs but since then only to the Gyno. I panic at even he thought of dr. I look calm and my pulse doesht fo to high but my bp soars. My mom who I don’t get along with has a multitude of health issues and she may be the root of my ha. I know as I get older diseases become more likely but I don’t think I can do screening tests like mammograms or blood tests. Unless I have a symptom. I have a fairly healthy diet, the weekends and school vacations are another story I’m a teacher. I love to eat take out and drink a bottle of wine on Saturday night or Holliday’s andcaa jt husband hates alcohol I’ll finish the bottle. Granted it’s over like 5 hours. I also love it ice cream. I ate and drank way more in my 20s though I’ve never been overweight. I don’t want to find out about some issue that means I have to change my diet or take medicine. My mom has so many issues she basically eats only boiled chicken and veg. As a foodie and wife lover I’d i had I live like that I might die of depression.

[daisyflower]

I'm exactly the same.
Driving past my doctors or even seeing the number in my contact list is enough to make me feel sick. It's awful, so well done for being brave!