weird worry - am I really nuts?

[empi]

Hi all,

Love to you all!

I have general anxiety and got through some horrible panick attacks (PD) the last year... Now I'm better, I haven't panicked in many months now, or should I say "normal" (yoohoo!!) but I ocassionally have some comebacks...

I just wanted to ask something that's bothering me, I read and read about anxiety and people worrying about things that could happen, panicking when they are in front of people etc. etc. None of these fits me, I don't worry of what will happen, but my worry is of existential nature.

Yes I have existential angst about everything and anything, so much that I have panic attacks...

And I will give you a little example of what I mean:

When I *RANDOMLY* feel anxious and I start to think about something, anything, that anything leads me to think about how and why it exists, what is it made from, particles? atoms? and what are atoms? who created them? why? God? Nature? What is nature and why it end up like it had? How would it end up if it was different (this one gives me the creeps!!!!!!), why am I thinking about this? Why am I thinking at all? Who am I? What am I? I start to question my own existance, I start to question the *whole* existance (while my anxiety is by now very intense) and I am afraid that all existance is a JOKE, and a very bad one for me to suffer all this logical existential deadends.

I get overwhelming about this and I start to panic and try to calm down but then any thought I have overwhelms me and panics me! even simple stuff like seeing someone on the road walking to go to his work and I feel soooo overwhelmed like why does he walk to his work? There is no point!!!! Where does he find all this energy to do it? What is the point in living??? And I feel so tired like 1000 year old that has absolutely no energy at all... And I start panicking on how *tired* I feel...

It feels very bad... :(

When I'm calm I don't feel like this, I don't care, I like my life and enjoy living and everything makes sense and there IS a point to life and I have energy to live!

When I think about this existential fear of mine I get afraid that I may have a deeper psychological problem like I am crazy for real and so crazy that noones ever been!! I am sure that nobody else even begins to worry so much about so simple stuff so my fear of being trapped in my own crazy mind world leads me sometimes to panic attacks...

I read that anxiety can make you think and feel irattionally like how I do but all I see are people who are panicking with agoraphobia, or panicking with illness phobia or worrying about real stuff like for the safety of their closest ones but noone is claiming to panick on these things like I do.


Please tell me that I am not crazy, please tell me that I will not be lost in the whatever crazy suffering world I could create in my crazy mind after 10 years or something...

[xBettyBoopx]

Hi empi

You don't sound crazy to me! My personal opinion on this is that everyone has different worries, and when I am not in a state of anxiety, I'm not worried about anything in particular either. But when I start to get anxious then my mind goes into over-drive and I start to worry and panic about all kinds of stuff. We are all the same but different, if you understand what I mean, lol.

I have got so anxious that lately I've thought that I'm already dead and I just think I'm alive!! Now that sounds crazy, right? But I know that it's my mind playing tricks on me and us anxiety sufferers tend to think far too much for our own good. If only all our thoughts could be positive ones, we wouldn't be like this

I wonder most of the time about why we are here and what is it all for Oh for a magic wand

Take care for now

Elspeth

[mazzywoo]

Hi Empi. No, you are not nuts! You are obviously an intelligent person who thinks deeply about abstract ideas and these thoughts can make you feel a bit panicky when you are feeling anxious to start with.
I too am like this and often feel that I think far too much LOL! One that does my head in is the theory of infinity-things being endless and that, for me is an inconceivable concept. Existential anxiety is very common, I'm told so you aren't at all unusual in your worries. I guess that if there hadn't been deep thinkers-people who challenged the human place in the scheme of things, then there wouldn't have been the brilliant scientific, biological, astronomical and medical discoveries that resulted from their ideas!
The problem for you is that you think that because you ruminate on things in this way, that you are somehow going crazy-YOU ARE NOT-it's anxiety and that can give you all sorts of odd sensations. Have you had any cognitive therapy? I found this extremely good for challenging unwanted thoughts. Sure, it takes time but it can have good results. Good luck-I am thinking of you Empi. Luv Maz xxxx

[Scarlett77]

Hi Empi,

Firstly, i don't think you're crazy either hun

I used to get a similar thing sometimes when i was younger, though it bothers me less and less as i get older. When i got anxious, i couldn't stop thinking about why we are here, the sheer size and vastness of the world/universe, what is outside the universe, what is the point in anything when we can't be definite about all this, etc - i used to wonder why on earth i couldn't stop thinking about it all, and it used to drive me up the wall!

I've dealt with it by just gradually not allowing myself to think about, and now i can think about it calmly and not feel the extreme panic that i once did. Having said that, i do think it's a fair enough thing to feel anxious about occasionally, it is still a 'real thing' - just one in a much, much wider scale of things!

Anyway, sorry i can't be of more help, take care,

Scarlett x

[nomorepanic]

You are not alone with this.

Go to this page and read the threads under THOUGHTS

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=7784

Also read the Symptoms page on the website too as that will explain things as well.

[groovygranny]

Hi empi!

This whole 'who am I why am I here where am I going'....mode of thinking does tend to tie us all up in knots.

My main one used to be 'are dreams the reality and reality really the dream?'

When we're anxious our brains don't seem to be able to put on the brakes - rather like a runnaway car with no brake fluid!

Nothing wrong with a bit of deep thinking and imagination - as long as we are in control of it and not the other way round.

Nooo, you're not crazy at all..........well no more than the rest of us!

[empi]

Thank you all so much for your answers, I really apreciate it.

Oh... anxiety is so weird, now that I'm calm I can think of anything and feel nothing nada-nitch but when I'm anxious even simple thoughts like "It's dinner time" could give me an instant fear and loathing, with no logic at all but it feels so real that can make me hate dinner!

My other anxiety problem is the nausea I get, I really really feel like i am about to vomit and there's nothing that will stop it. That's an instant panic attack for me... And guess what? I will feel nauseus just from the thought that I will get nauseous.

See? I know about anxiety, but when the flip is on every bad thought feels real bad.

@mazzywoo yeah this infinity gives me the creeps too. I remember I had some full blown panics about thinking China and how many people are living there, over 1 billion, unbelievable huh? And I am just one little guy here worrying for too many things!

Anyway as many have said, anxiety will find a way to get you upset even if you stopped fearing everything, it will find something that makes you just a little feared and magnify that 1000 times so anxiety will ravel...

[looking4answers]

Apparently you haven't met my wife nor any of her family.They all deal in abstract reality,and I can't say that Im not guilty of that myself..We are all off in our own little worlds in our own little thoughts.I can prove it about myself just as GG ,we have been talking lately and she can tell you im a real space cadet..

I have an exitential way of thinking have for many years.. But well there is a way to deal with what you are thinking..Its called ..Don't sweat the small stuff its all small stuff... or Don't worry be happy .. Let life be life time be time and things be things . Pass through them let them alone and don't give them a second thought,blend into time and into life,

Flow like a river through time and space..let your muscles tweat out and relax and say so what ..Why does the bird fly south.Who cares its their thing.. We the anxious and depressed let things dwell in our minds and think to deep about them.What is our reality is our dreams and our dreams our reality ..?

Think about it you could let you whole mind lay to waste and create a world of non existance and existance beyond.Keep it simple and blend into time and space.. Just relax ..don't think..and for me to give advice like that is really strange.Thats all I have done all my life is over anyalize everything .I had to stop it.It brings saddness and anxiety and blah..

Flow Flow Flow like a river over the stones of life.. and stop worrying about why things happen ,just let them happen and don't worry ,dont give it a second thought but just let the peace and happiness of existance flow over you when you start to analize everything .Look around at the trees and flowers the blue sky and breathe the air and just smile and forget the deep things and most important forget the negative things you are brooding about . .and live ..

[groovygranny]

Hi empi!

Yep, I agree with L4A.....just go along with the current of your thought, til you gently bump into the the side of the river bank ...(we bumped into each other whilst in orbit around a celestial body in an alternative universe!!)

May I quote Rene Descartes and his famous saying:

"I think, therefore I am"

Because if you can think, you are real.....it's just your perception which is heightened during your spells of anxiety.

So, don't fear it.....steer it!

[empi]

wow

looking4answers i hear you! you spoke right into me!

Flow! What a nice word man, it's sure that you know what you're talking about. I want to flow!

So true what you said, so true!

Thank you!