My story. I need help or this wont end well.

[Lucy808]

Hello. My name is lucy and I am freshly 18 years old. I am going to try to briefly write about my anxiety.

I always have had some mental problems. When I was a little child, i would not poop for 3 weeks. I just did not developed the reflex. When I was born, my intestine popped and I had to get surgery. Doctors said its nothing to be worried about, they also fixed it quite fast. That might be the root of the issue. But only might. I always pushed the poop back inside when it wanted to leave. This got fixed when I hit puberty and I realized "hey.. this is wrong!". Everybody thought i have got some kind of illness but i did not. It was probably just my mind. This issue got resolved when I was like 11. After this thing stopped, I developed another problem. My heart would burn and race for no reason all the time. I, again, got all the tests done. Nothing wrong whatsoever. This issue, again, went away after time. My doctor recommended psychologist visit. I did not do that tho. After that, a few years later, i was like, 15, when i found out i have got a bump inside my vagina. As you can inagine, panic began. I did this big mistake, i googled what are syptoms of cancer, and here we go. I had all symptoms. Backpain, shooting pains.. everything. Until I realized its just cervix. Sounds funny but definitely was not, being in pain and fear for half a year. Half a year I lost.

But now im losing another one. I started having these pains in my stomach. It happened during prom in the end of january. Little bit of a stressful situation you know. I started feeling it. The bloating, pressure, burning, stomach on water.. i remember having to sit down and i could not drink at all. The night ended, i was kind of okay.. until a week later. I woke up in the middle of the night. Really sick. Couldnt walk, diarrhea, nausea, vomited some white chunks of something for like 10 hours.. than, I was left with the weird pressure and burning in the stomach. I am mortified. Since then, I experienced every symptom on earth. Fatigue, nausea everyday, cramps, bloating, burning, hurting.. everything. Everyday. Today, it might be the worst day. I woke up with soreness in my stomach, couldnt even stand up because it hurts so much. I burp like crazy, i had an urge to vomit.. i started crying and shaking uncontrolably. I couldnt stop crying. My poor parents wanted to call an ambulance and sent me to hospital.

Im so scared. So so scared. I think i have got cancer or something terrible. I have had three blood tests for literally everything, sonography, urine test.. everything negative. My doctor told me just yesterday there is nothing to be worried about and she thinks it just my mind. I cant sleep. I dont sleep because im afraid i will wake up vomiting and rushing to the hospital. Im so afraid im going to hurt my parents by getting seriously ill. I dont want them to get hurt. I am thinking about suicide but couldnt do it because of my parents. I dont want to die but i dont want to live. I have cancer. Thats it. It hurts even now.

Can i help myself? Can it be just in my mind? Can it be something serious? It would really help me to explain to me, medically, why it could not be cancer. I am going crazy. So crazy. Im tired of crying and pain. I cant even study and this year im graduating high school and joining college. What can I do? Please im desperarw

[Catherine S]

Lucy, Im sorry to read that you're suffering so much at the moment, but we can't explain anything medically here as you've asked. We are a forum full of anxiety and depression ridden souls just the same as you are, so we can only share our own experiences with you. Only your doctor can advise you medically. But you've had various tests and your doctor has reassured you that you are well medically speaking, that you don't have cancer, but you obviously don't believe it, so..how can we reassure you?

You say your parents almost called an ambulance. If they thought you really needed to be hospitalised they would've gone ahead and called, or taken you themselves...what stopped them?

[jdheart]

You are having a difficult time. You are young to have all this going on. It appears that you are suffering from health anxiety. If your doctors have done many test on you for various things and have found nothing terminal. It is highly likely Anxiety Related.

Your mind is putting an illusion on you that something is wrong. But the good news is you are not going crazy you are not dying. Your stress hormones are elevated your in a loop of distress. Your mind is racing a 1000 miles an hour. In time, this can lead to depression.

All of this can be worked on and fixed. You need to be patient it takes time. You will find in time where your mind is playing tricks on you. When this happens you will have ah ha moment.

From that point you can work on getting better. You have alot of time even thou it does not appear that way.

When you have time look up and understand the word faith and destiny and fate.Follow your path. Take Care.

[Conquered]

You are 18 and have anxiety. Simple as that. From your lengthy post, it seems the recommendation for a psychiatrist is something you should strongly consider. Your health anxiety significantly is getting on the way of enjoying life.

[snowghost57]

I agree with other posters. See a therapist and work on your anxiety. Anxiety can cause physical side effects.

[Fishmanpa]

As a parent, it breaks my heart to see a young person afflicted with this awful illness. My ex suffers from depression and my daughter suffers from anxiety and depression so I've seen first hand what it can do.

You asked if you could help yourself. Frankly, based on your post, I don't know if you're in the right place mentally to effectively treat yourself (It still wouldn't hurt to download the CBT program in my signature). The best thing would be to have an honest and frank conversation with your parents or a trusted adult about how you're feeling and ask for help. When my daughter came to me when she was 18, I, along with her mother, made sure she got the help she needed. She even took a semester off college to get herself together. She takes meds and goes to therapy and I'm very happy to say that's she's doing well. She has her moments but she also has the support and tools she needs to fight off the dragon.

Best wishes and as always...

Positive thoughts