i just want to relax!

[R.Barratt]

hello
I have always struggled with o.c.d but over the past few weeks it seems to have intesified even more. The worst example that i can think off was last night as i was about to try to sleep i was convinced my flat was disgusting so i started stripping the bed sheets the sofa and cleaning and scrubbing everything at 2am.
I really struggle sleeping because my head is still thinking of all the things i can clean organise etc.
Any advice please? xxx

[Beckybooboo]

Hi,

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time at the moment. I know exactly what it's like not being able to relax... I don't even know the meaning of the word anymore, I haven't done it for that long!

The only thing I can suggest is that you should avoid doing your compulsion, instead of scrubbing your flat clean, why don't you instead do something you like? For example, read a good book, catch up with a friend, watch a program on television. Although the compulsions make your skin itch and you feel disgusting if you don't complete them, they're only feeding your obsession and making it even worse...

What is your OCD primarily linked too? Your past, mistakes, a fear of something?

You should seek therapy for this and also maybe try medication if you're open minded to see what kind of things they can suggest. You'll feel better in the long run for it.

All the best,
Becky

[R.Barratt]

Its so nice having someone to relate to and not feeling completely alone. Its difficult at the minute because I don't want to leave my flat at the minute not even to go to my boyfriends flat which is apart of the same block I just feel the need to clean all the time.
My mum has ocd and has never loved me but from when I can remeber to the age of 16 I would do anything to please her and try and make her love me so I started becoming as obsessed as she was with cleaning as she was.
But it never helped it was still never good enough.

[Beckybooboo]

Hi again,

That's the great thing about NMP. There are so many people on here that are going through the same kind of situations and are amazing to get help and advice from.

I think the root cause of the OCD here is the need for your mums acceptance in this particular situation. Acceptance and reassurance are the two biggest pain in the backsides of OCD and I know exactly how it feels. My OCD is linked to me having to contact every male in my life to prove to my boyfriend I've never cheated on him because he asked me if I had once, now I end up thinking false situations are real and that bad things have happened and I simply cannot remember - it's a vicious circle.

Have you tried speaking to someone about this? Maybe therapy or your mother (if you're able too) would be a great idea. It's totally normal for your OCD to be a big part of your life, due to what's happened in your past - but there are ways that you are able to maintain this.

Are you on any medication? Does your partner know about your issues?

I look forward to talking to you.

[R.Barratt]

i have had councelling since i was 12 but it was awful when i called up saying how mum had kicked me out or yelled at me theyd just be patronsing and say things like itll be ok this is just mothers and daughters for you. but mum really abused me even now that i dont live with her whenever she speaks to me she puts me down and makes m feel guilty on the rare occassions i actually feel happy.
my partner is amazing and always supports me whenever i need to talk be left alone or just motivated to get up in the morning. but he obviously wasnt there when i was being abused in everyway and its never happened to him so he doesnt understand how much it hurts.
this website has helped me so much i dont mean to be over dramatic when i say it has been life changing just being able to get my feelings down to also relate to others and be given advice.
i look forward to speaking to you more please private message me anytime your advice has been massively helpful xxx

[Beckybooboo]

Hi,

Well to me it sounds as if the therapists really didn't take it seriously when you went to them, which is such a shame. It's always a case of trial and error when you find the right therapist, and you will with a little more perseverance.

Maybe the best thing to do with your mother would be to write her a letter, maybe list all of the things that she's made you feel and how you wish to resolve this on-going conflict with her. I fell out with my dad for three years as he had an affair and the best thing I did was sit down and speak to him as an adult and get all of my feelings out in the open, since then, we're civil and we're finally able to build a relationship.

Have you spoken to your partner about this? My boyfriend has also been very understanding of all of my issues and if truth be told, if it wasn't for him I know I'd be dead by now.

Good for you. That's the point in us being here and you know that we're always able to lend a bit of friendly advice or a warm hug for support.

No worries - feel free to message me whenever you need me and I'll respond as soon as I can.

All the best m'love,
Becky